Help persuading Son to have his Covid Jab

[Wills]

My son, 15yrs, is petrified of needles. Also he had his flu squirt (up the nose) and was then ill for the next week - and to be honest he really wasn’t well so I suspect it had nothing to do with the flu vaccine and that he was already harbouring something anyway. But, in his head, he’s put 2 & 2 together and got to 5 iyswim. At 15 I can absolutely frog march him in and insist but I’d like him to actually understand what the alternative is and why he has to do this.

Yesterday I took him through news reports about how 90% of ICU beds are occupied by non-vacc’d people but does anyone have some links to slightly more graphic examples of what happens when you fall ill. I don’t want to petrify him but equally I need him to realise that the 4 seconds of pain as the needle goes in (and possibly feeling under the weather the next day) is nothing compared to suffering the full thing.

Have you discussed long covid with him? There are figures which show those jabbed are far less likely to suffer with that. To my mind, this is a concern for youngsters - the actual infection is unlikely to cause a problem, but the effects of long covid can be really bad, have an impact in their lives for months. We obviously don't know for how long yet, but I personally know people who have been suffering badly for over a year.

If it helps, my booster was so quick that my bum touched the chair for approx 3 seconds! That's how fast it is

Although, I have to say at 15 it will ultimately be your DSs decision. Even if you frog march him there, no health care professional will jab him against his will!

I doubt your logical ICU stats will have any impact. Teens tend to think they’re invincible and it’s (thankfully) always been incredibly rare to get healthy teens becoming that unwell.

Does he like going on holiday? He can probably forget about going anywhere sunnier than Cornwall until he gets vaccinated. My teenage nephew was initially hesitant but now he’s desperate to get his second vaccine before he (hopefully) goes skiing over Feb half term.

Is he CEV?

I'm not really sure going for the "you will end up in ICU" is the right way because he will know that he probably won't unless CEV.

If you do want to persuade him, maybe point out that if he wants to go to football matches, large gatherings etc, it may be likely that soon he will have to show proof of vaccination to get in

Dies he have elderly or vulnerable relatives? Maybe talk to him about having it for the greater good? And also as mentioned above, his life will be very restricted if he doesn't get it.

Do you have anyone in the family who is particularly at-risk for Covid? It might be easier for him to understand if it’s phrased as getting the vaccine to protect [family member] and other vulnerable people like them.

Also remind him that the longer he puts it off and builds it up in his mind the more it will stress him out. I got very worried about my jab and then it turned out I barely felt it at all. Ask him if he’d feel better having a set appointment or just going to a walk-in clinic on a day he feels particularly brave.

He is 15, so if he really wanted to look this stuff up I would imagine he would be more than capable of it.

However, there has been loads of videos of people filming themselves from hospital beds and posting on social media when suffering with covid.

Various film crews have also filmed inside covid wards all over the globe. The information is out there, it’s not hidden.

I do agree with another poster, I think what will hit him more is everything that is going on with covid passports.

If we follow Europe and America (which we generally do, we are just usually late to the party) then it’s not beyond the realms of possibility that next year you won’t be able to go anywhere or do anything unless you are fully vaccinated.

That might persuade him more

I have a DS like this and it is awful when they are truly terrified of something.

My DS wants it done but physically struggles to let it happen. We are looking at ways to help him overcome the phobia as no amount of rational thought will override his 'flight' mode.

At15, you wont be able tofrog march him in, it has to be his decision.

Google ''Gillick competence''

@Seeline

Although, I have to say at 15 it will ultimately be your DSs decision. Even if you frog march him there, no health care professional will jab him against his will!

This ^^

How is he with other vaccinations, did he have his HPV? I used to be a fainter with vaccinations, they terrified me, so there needs to be a careful balance between making sure he is aware of the facts and not adding to the anxiety. My DC had covid before teens were vaccinated, and fortunately neither were especially ill.

If you search this forum, there are a number of people with needle phobia who have had the jab using different strategies. Perhaps one of them might help. I don't think the ICU thing will help; maybe pointing out that he won't miss school during GCSE's or miss out on important events.

focus on supporting him to deal with the needle phobia. Adding fears about ICU etc won't help. if someone has a needle phobia (I do), you can know rationally that this vaccination needs to happen, but it is still very very hard to actually do it.

Will he let you make an appointment? Point out that you can go to the appointment & still change your mind.

go with him to the appointment. explain to the first medical person you meet that son has a serious needle phobia & can they help. they will probably take him to a side room & give him plenty of time & support.

for me, distraction is by far the best way to get over needle phobia. So chat about something else and it might be over very quickly.

also, consider getting an appointment with a psychologist who deals in needle phobia to support him.

@forgotthebatteries

I have a DS like this and it is awful when they are truly terrified of something.

My DS wants it done but physically struggles to let it happen. We are looking at ways to help him overcome the phobia as no amount of rational thought will override his 'flight' mode.

My DS also in exactly the same position. He has now come to the conclusion that he does want the vaccine but also goes into 'flight' mode. Routine school vaccines have been a nightmare. He's had times when he's had panic attacks and not been able to get it done. He's also had situations in which he's managed to get to the chair but then the nurse has refused to vaccinate him because he has an involuntary physical reaction and it's not possible to inject him safely. It usually takes 3 or 4 sessions to get him vaccinated even when he wants to and that's with a school nurse who's very aware of the situation and kindly gives time to talk him through things, get him in first etc.

I have absolutely no idea what to do about the Covid vaccine. There are articles about needle phobia and techniques to tackle it but what I really want to find is some kind of clinic/session that you can go to which is for people in this situation. When I've had my vaccine its just been a conveyor belt and I'm worried that if he's under pressure or the person vaccinating is insensitive its going to set him back even more.

OP if he really is petrified of needles then I doubt trying to force a 15 year old will work. It's likely to be completely counter productive.

There’s nothing you can do apart from make sure he has all the information he needs to make the decision. But that decision can still be outweighed by his phobia. I speak as someone with a needle phobia. No Rubella, Tetanus vaccs as a teenager, because I refused. To him, it’s not the 3 seconds of discomfort, or a ‘sharp scratch’, it goes much, much deeper than that. The prospect of a needle for any reason sparks off such a fear it is inconceivable to the person who is facing it.
I ran away from the midwife blood tests when I was pregnant. Actually ran away out of the clinic and down the road. I did go back, eventually.

Covid, for me, was more scary than a needle, plus I’ve had operations and things, so I’m past that stage now. I guess what I’m saying is he needs to be past that stage, but it’s very difficult, so my sympathies to you both.

Vacc centres are extremely good about needle phobias and if you tell them as you go in they have strategies to help you cope. Will chat to you while you have it, or not, whichever you prefer. They can also make sure you don’t see any of the equipment if that ramps up the anxiety.

go with him to the appointment. explain to the first medical person you meet that son has a serious needle phobia & can they help. they will probably take him to a side room & give him plenty of time & support.

Does anyone know if there's information about where this kind of thing might be available? Where I am the appointments I've been able to get have been e.g. in Boots with a small booth and a big queue. I just can't see them having the time and space to help a person in this situation. I'm especially worried that if its treated badly then not only will he not get the Covid vaccine but it'll stop him getting the routine jabs that he still needs. In fact they're likely to be much more important to him than covid.

You need to understand that this is a phobia and no amount of explanation about why he should have a vaccine is going to work. Phobias aren’t rational. I’d be concerned that the incident with the flu vaccine may have resulted in a ‘vaccine phobia’ rather than a needle phobia. I’d look at addressing that as it will have an impact in the future if left (speaking as a mum of a severely needle phobic child)

Please don't frog-march him to have a vaccine! Speaking as a needle phobe myself, this will just erode his trust in you and make the problem a lot worse. The more you push this at him, the more panic-stricken and upset he will get. Do you really want to do that? The only route is via calm communication and giving him space. If he still decides it's a 'no' then you must respect that.

Wow, you’ve all been so wonderfully helpful and definitely given me a better insight into this. I suppose I typed ‘frog march’ because I thought mums might be critical of me not ‘putting my foot down’. My mother is very critical of his phobia, well to be honest anyone’s phobias as long as they’re not hers! It doesn’t help that he was diagnosed as high functioning autistic. In many ways he’s scared of life in general and finds doing anything ‘new’ seriously hard including going somewhere he’s not been before, watching a film he’s not seen before (it can/could be very life limiting for him) however his fear of needles has always been there and the point of the thread is for me to find a way to help him to come to terms with this as it looks like having these might become the new normal.

It hadn’t occurred to me that at 15 I couldn’t insist (but that is good) and nor did I know anything about help for those with needle phobia - so a big massive thank you to everyone who’ve come on with either their own experiences or tips on how to get help.

Also it wont have occurred to him that he can’t go abroad (good one) - we often go to France or Italy (mainly driving as he’s petrified of planes) and he adores these trips - however I don’t think a future summer holiday would enable him now (in Winter) to over come his fear - but its a good point.

Finally he’s not CEV, but we did have a letter from the NHS long before they called the 12-15 year olds that they considered him more vulnerable and that he could have his early.

Thank you all. Am now off to investigate getting help. Thank you all x

@Jossbow

At15, you wont be able tofrog march him in, it has to be his decision.

Google ''Gillick competence''

Well technically a parent's consent can override a competent child's refusal but it's difficult to imagine a HCP thinking it is safe, or in their best interests, for a child to be forcibly vaccinated against their wishes.

I've attempted to get a needle phobic child jabbed 3 times for various things and the HCP has refused at the first sign of distress. It really depends on how much time they have - we did eventually manage 1 jab with emla cream, headphones, lying down and a lot of arm stroking and reassuring from the vaccinator.

It's almost easier to deal with needle phobia than outright refusal because they don't see the need and refuse to read the news!

They will ask him when getting the vaccine if he agrees to having it.

Does he realise that you will be with him? Might that help. We realised with ours that it was their first time having anything medical alone and it scared them. Although we let decide.

Weirdly have just had an email from the school Nurse to provide me a link with where to get his jab booked as he’d missed it being done at school. I responded immediately explaining that he’s needle phobic and what suggestions for getting help could she provide and was told that I would have to take him through CAHMS and that there was an 18 month waiting list (at the very least). However she also stressed that the vaccine centres are NOT set up for this which is a massive shame. Her final thought was useful and that was that I could get an anaesthetic cream from Boots. But I’m not sure it will help his initial phobia

Surely there should be some kind of exemption for autistic people. I am feeling distressed for him!