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Original poster

Dad coming to stay - Advice needed

14 replies

Octopus37 · 09/04/2021 10:05

Before anyone says anything, I know this is could be breaking the rules, although over night stays are allowed in self-catering accommodation.

For context, my Dad has had both doses of the AZ vaccine, my DH has to do twice weekly lateral flow tests and my DS has to as well, he is 13 so at secondary.

So as not to dripfeed this is the background. Six months ago my Dad's partner went into a care home, she has dementia, the situation had become unmanageable cause of health and safety issues and they had social worker intervention. My Dad then came to stay with me cause the COVID numbers were loads where I live at that time, Dad lives 200 miles in the North West.
Since November my Dad has been living in sheltered accommodation near my Sister, he has been in her support bubble and he isn't very good at coping on his own. Physically he is okish (he is 82) but mentally he struggles. Obviously the strain on my Sister has been pretty big, she has borne the brunt of everything since November, although I have supported with phone calls at least once a day and various admin tasks. My Sister needs a break and both her boys have GCSE/A'level assessments, its a busy time and she needs to be able to fully focus on her boys.
We are planning to move my Dad down to me next week. He would be travelling by train and would stay at our house. Our house is fairly spacious, he wont be going out a lot.
I'm just wondering what others think please

OP posts:
PleaseStopExplaining · 09/04/2021 10:10

It’s not breaking the rules, it falls under necessary care of a vulnerable person.

Original poster
Octopus37 · 09/04/2021 10:13

Thank you, I was hoping that would be the case.

OP posts:
HeyDuggeesCakeBadge · 09/04/2021 10:19

It does fall within the rules but even if it didn't I would do it, he's your family and your sister needs a break. You don't need anyone's permission, just do what is right by your family.

emmathedilemma · 09/04/2021 10:23

Do it!

Mindymomo · 09/04/2021 10:23

Yes, I wouldn’t see any problem, caring for someone vulnerable is allowed. Can you not go and pick him up. I wouldn’t be too keen on him going all that way on public transport, unless he’s happy to do so.

Splann · 09/04/2021 10:27

It’s within the rules. He will then be part of your household bubble, so size of house and his comings and goings doesn’t matter. I hope it goes well Flowers

Scarby9 · 09/04/2021 10:31

It's fine. My next door neighbours have had her dad (90 and blind) to stay for most of this year.
Pre-pandemic, he managed fine independently in a sheltered bungalow but most of his support services - eg. lunch club, twice weekly walking group - shut and the daily district nurse visits became hit and miss.
So he moved in with my neighbours but hss swapped bubbles for three separate periods of a month each with his son's family. They have viewed it as being a bit like a child in a separated household. He needs care - this was the only eay they could provide it.
My cousin, meanwhile, live-in carer for both her very disabled parents, has had no respite all year. Usually her mum has a week in a respite care place for a week every three months, but none of them are accepting short term stays.
What you are doing sounds absolutely fine.

LilyPond2 · 09/04/2021 12:36

What do I think? I think that both you and your sister are kind and caring people to be taking such good care of your Dad. I don't believe you will be breaking any laws because the law allows gatherings that are reasonably necessary to care for a vulnerable person.

MRex · 09/04/2021 13:36

He's allowed to move house. I probably wouldn't like him having to go by train because of his bags and the risk of him getting confused on the way, can you arrange people to help him at points on the journey by calling up the train station? Or one of you go to fetch him?

Vickles20 · 09/04/2021 13:40

Go for it. I just question public transport though

contraversial2021 · 09/04/2021 13:42

Of course you must do it. You're a kind family

LilyPond2 · 09/04/2021 13:43

As practical points I suggest you make sure your Dad is aware of the need to wear a mask on the train (unless exempt). I would also encourage him to travel in the middle of the day when the train is likely to be less busy. Obviously the fact that your Dad has been vaccinated reduces his risk a lot, but the vaccines don't offer 100% protection.

Original poster
Octopus37 · 09/04/2021 18:33

Thanks for all the replies. Re the public transport, I dont drive. He would be travelling on an inter City train and I would arrange passenger assistance in advance. I did this last time he came down. I will then go and meet him from Euston, it will be a straight tube journey and I will then get us a taxi from the underground. He is aware of the need to wear a mask and will travel lightly, the journey time on the inter City train is 2 hours.

OP posts:
cheninblanc · 09/04/2021 19:40

Don't even think about it, your Dad needs you

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