Covid catch 22 <child health version>

[SomeKindOfFloppyWeirdo]

Ds1 has quite obvious signs of an infection, but no fever, rash or pain. I want to take him to the gp, but the gp won’t see him until he has a negative covid test. 119 won’t let him have a covid test as he has no symptoms of covid.

I feel like both of them are “right” - gp for wanting to rule out covid, although he doesn’t have any of the usual symptoms, and 119 who can’t give tests to people without symptoms.

We have rapid testing centers locally, but they’re only for key workers who are over 18. Or key workers or over 18s. He’s neither, so it’s a bit academic!

So do I:

1. Lie about symptoms to get an test
2. go to a minor injuries unit (but putting them at risk if he is infectious)
3. train him up as a nurse so he can have a key worker test
4. put him on his brother’s shoulders then wrap him in a large trench coat and pass him off as a large man
5. travel forward in time one week so he can have a lateral flow test

I mean, wtf.

Thanks. If we don’t get any results from these tests this week, I think we’ll go private for a consultation. Unless they refuse to see him too, of course! I wouldn’t for a one-off, but this has been going on for months now. Wish us luck!

Just lie about symptoms. Say they have a cough.
If you take your kid to a test site, you could get a response back the following morning - it's very quick.
Bit slower for postal, but still quite quick.

Good luck

Lie. It's what Saint Boris does for a living, and how he got to be where he is, so he won't mind.