Three year old and her grandma(s)

[Jenbot78]

Wanting to pick brains on seeing family and social distancing. We are thinking of taking DD (age 3) to see my mum and DH’s mum for a social distance outside hangout/walk (separately.) She misses them desperately 🙁. Has anyone done this? Was it feasible to expect your little ones not to touch/hug? I don’t want to limit her interaction in a way that will have lasting damage but equally she would love to see them. She talks about them every day. They were a huge part of her life before all this and both did weekly childcare. Not sure what to do really 🤔 xx

I took DS (2.5) for a walk with my DM at the weekend and it was quite hard to explain as he doesn't really understand the virus and anything associated, and so at first I think he assumed that she was ignoring him, however we took some toys and stopped for a quick sandwich (2m apart on an empty grassy area) and he was fine after half an hour or so and adapted to the new situation.

DP has also taken DS on a walk with his DM in a similar arrangement and again I think DS found it hard at first but adapted relatively quickly.

Good question. I'm struggling with this dilemma

We have done this. DD would have socially distanced if we asked her to but I decided that it would be upsetting and, given that we have all been following guidelines and children are less likely to catch and therefore transmit the disease, we chose to forego social distancing between her and my parents.

We decided on the basis that we are all low risk (parents under 60, none of us with health conditions) it was worth the risk for her to see them.

I have done this a few times now and my 3 (nearly 4 ) year old was absolute fine about it.

UndertheBus you crossed a line there. I do hope you've not been clapping the NHS every week and criticising Dominic Cummings....

Risk assess your own situation. If you think it'll be more upsetting to see and not touch, don't do it. If all parties are happy to see each other and not distance your toddler, do that. If your child is in nursery and returning next week then this week is probably the best time to do it.

My 3.5yo was really upset when my Mum chatted to us from the gate despite many chats about what is going on at the moment and why we're doing it.

I've done this with my 2 year old DS and he was fine. We were just quite blasé about it to him and didnt make it a big deal and he was fine. Certainly no lasting scars!

@SociallyDistanced2020 people need to start making their own judgements on this stuff - human contact and touch is so important and it’s about making our own risk assessments. The PP did not cross a line - she weighed up the risks and went for what she saw to be the lower in terms of wellbeing all round. This is going to have to start happening - we can’t go on like this forever.

I kept dd on her wrist reign attached to the push chair so she couldn't get more than about 2 ft away from me. When we met with my mum I explain to her that she couldn't touch nanny but she could still chat and we would stop for a picnic. Bit like @some she was OK after about half hour or so. I think children are smarter then we give them credit for sometimes.

You'll need to pick one of the grandmas as current rules say:

Can I meet friends and relatives?
You can meet one other person from another household, outdoors. The government scientific advice is that you remain 2m (6ft) apart.
You can't visit friends or relatives in their houses or indoors.

So that is ONE other person, not two.

HTH.

@Hiphopopotamus so we can all start making up our own minds now? Does Coronavirus know about that?

I’ve decided it’s more upsetting to see them and not be able to hug or hold hands etc. It would be very confusing for them. We’re just waiting until it’s safe.

We should not start making our own judgements at all. The virus is just as dangerous as it was when it first appeared! The cases have gone down BECAUSE we stayed apart. It’s sticking around.

We have done with our 2.5yr DD. We told her about the bug that gives people a bad cough which is why the play park is closed and then once she understood that we extended it to grandparents. We also asked them to wear face masks as a visual reminder to her. There were a few wobbles, but she did really well. Broke my heart a bit that evening when she asked me for a hug and then air hugged herself the way her granny taught her.

We sat on their front garden wall and had a chat from more than 6’ away. DS sat on my lap. We explained before that he could see them and talk to them but no hugging touching or going in the house because of the bad germs.

He was OK with it.

@effingterrified She said she was going to see them separately.

We have agreed with my parents that we can't expect DD who is 15mo to social distance. We are all as low risk as can be, both in terms of health and in terms of likelihood to have Covid as none of us have even been to a shop in eight weeks. The adults will maintain SD and we will make sure we do a lot of hand washing, but we aren't going to prevent DD interacting with them.

@effingterrified Unless you're suggesting the rules are to pick one person you can only ever see and that's it! Which is not the case. It's one person at a time.

@Realitea exactly - the virus is sticking around. So at what point do we stop putting our lives on hold and see our loved ones again? When there’s a vaccine? 1 year? 5 years? The reality is that this virus is very unlikely to kill you or pose a severe threat unless you have an underlying health condition - so yes, I absolutely think we should be getting our lives back and making our own sensible judgments

You can travel to family for childcare help now if it's needed, so surely this is fine.