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Original poster

Picking DD up - urgent

318 replies

takedphome · 02/04/2020 14:42

DD23 lives in a town 2 hours away. She has been furloughed. We really want her back for her safety. She also desperately wants to come home to us (her parents and DSis). Can her DP drive her to us? What are the risks involved? She lives with her DP.

OP posts:
Irial · 02/04/2020 16:57

If she is in danger, and needs to go to your home, then thats ok obviously

if it not an emergency, then no, its not ok

WorraLiberty · 02/04/2020 16:58

I won't go into the details but she wants to come home and stay home

Not much point in starting the thread then, was there?

Ask the Police but 'go into details' otherwise they're unlikely to be able to answer you either.

Readyforapummelling · 02/04/2020 16:59

Well this turned into a hissing pissing shit show quite quickly didn't it.

OP, make an informed decision and do what you think is best based on the information you have and weigh up the risks.

Jesus fucking Christ MN.

tinytemper66 · 02/04/2020 16:59

If she is in danger then the govt has said she can leave. If you think she is in danger then go and get her.

Sammymommy · 02/04/2020 17:00

@Chocolatedeficitdisorder if that doesn't prove that Covid19 is harmless and we should all be allowed into each other's houses as we want, I don't know what does...

LimescaleCowboy · 02/04/2020 17:02

Oh God we'll be having opinions next about what constitutes 'mild' domestic abuse.

Any woman has a right to remove herself from controlling behaviour and an unhappy relationship, especially before it ramps up during lockdown restrictions. Previous safety nets - work, gym, a social life, visiting relatives - are all gone. It's a pressure cooker.

I don't know the OP's full story obviously. it could be bollocks for all I know. But I wouldn't want anyone else reading this to make a bad risk assessment based on catsbum mouths on here.

Original poster
takedphome · 02/04/2020 17:13

It's a very difficult situation for me as a mother. DD 's mental health is in tatters - she already had an anxiety and depression diagnosis. She's in a 1 bedroom flat with her DP. Her DP would be driving DD home and then back to where they both live (the latter journey is a worry for me, if he was to get stopped, what would he say?)
If this lockdown lasts until June am I expected to leave my mentally unstable daughter there until then when she is suffering?

OP posts:
Balmytissues · 02/04/2020 17:15

Boyfriend should just explain circs to police if stopped.

twinkle2306 · 02/04/2020 17:17

@takedphome can't DP stay as well then if that's your only worry. I would be concerned mental health wouldn't be helped by them being separated to be honest.
Have you not got FaceTime/Skype that you could use to keep in touch throughout the day?

izzywizzygood · 02/04/2020 17:17

I want to go and stay somewhere else too. But I haven't, and I won't.

This:

Ops daughter is with her partner, not even living on her own. If she comes home is she going to stay put, not seeing her partner for the duration of lockdown or will she want to go back again in a couple of weeks when she misses him?

Also, where does the OP say anything about DV? Or even hint at it? Why would OP call her daughter's partner a "Dear Partner" if he was bashing her up? I think the "safer" part is likely because she's mollycoddled. Maybe now is the time for OP to clarify.

justasking111 · 02/04/2020 17:17

DS came home from uni. he self isolated for seven days, this was before the lockdown.

Can this be done in your home?

justasking111 · 02/04/2020 17:19

The government clarified that students returning home is deemed essential travel, not sure in your case. Cannot see the police turning you round though.

Thekindofwindowsfaceslookinat · 02/04/2020 17:19

DD 's mental health is in tatters. If this lockdown lasts until June am I expected to leave my mentally unstable daughter there until then when she is suffering

No. Please OP, just bring your daughter home. She has told you she needs to be at home and she is depressed with MH issues.

Boyfriend should just explain circs to police if stopped

This.

UnaCorda · 02/04/2020 17:20

I know it’s not exactly the same, but my daughter wants to come home, then I’m bringing her home. End of.

Well it's certainly "end of" for the 3,000 people who've died so far from COVID-19. Hmm

Wonder how many of those caught it from adult children running home to their parents, or from women proving what devoted mummies they are.

Chocolatedeficitdisorder · 02/04/2020 17:21

@Chocolatedeficitdisorder if that doesn't prove that Covid19 is harmless and we should all be allowed into each other's houses as we want, I don't know what does...

I acknowledge that there was a risk involved, just as there's a risk when I go to get shopping for my family and both sets of elderly parents.

I worked in a huge school of 2000 until two weeks ago. I am intelligent enough (and a qualified nurse) to work out when a risk is worth taking, as are most people.

Thekindofwindowsfaceslookinat · 02/04/2020 17:22

Wonder how many of those caught it from adult children running home to their parents, or from women proving what devoted mummies they are

God. Do you know anything about depression and MH issues? Have you even bothered to read the OP's update?

Chocolatedeficitdisorder · 02/04/2020 17:24

@Chocolatedeficitdisorder if that doesn't prove that Covid19 is harmless and we should all be allowed into each other's houses as we want, I don't know what does...

I'll refer you to my previous answer. I'm capable of weighing up risks on my own. If you need to be told what to do, then doing what you're told is the right thing for you.

LuluBellaBlue · 02/04/2020 17:26

Just go and collect her OP

MollyButton · 02/04/2020 17:30

If your DD is at risk where she is and that includes emotionally - then she should come home and the police would be fine with that. But she does have to be prepared to say why she is travelling.

LimescaleCowboy · 02/04/2020 17:33

The police would want you to get your DD to a long-term place of safety. Her boyfriend won't be stopped. Why would he be?

Again, it's a risk assessment.

HarrySnotter · 02/04/2020 17:33

Honestly, that way some people go on...makes you wonder how anyone actually copes with living in the real world under normal circumstances...(actually it explains rather a lot).

You haven't lost anyone close to you to this virus have you @Ninkanink. I truly hope you don't, but for those people who have, it is the real world.

UnaCorda · 02/04/2020 17:35

God. Do you know anything about depression and MH issues?

Yes, far too much as it happens. However, that doesn't alter how I feel about the several posters who say, "As a mother, if my child wanted to come home I'd go and get them immediately" with absolutely no reference to mental health problems or any other reason as to why they need to be travelling across the country.

Have you even bothered to read the OP's update?

I hadn't seen the update that was posted a few minutes before I wrote my post, no.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 02/04/2020 17:36

If she's in any kind of danger or threat from her DO get her him now.

londonrach · 02/04/2020 17:36

No, what part of no do you not understand. Huge risk to you and your life but if you want to be dead...your choice. My dh is now 14 days after getting this virus. He is a healthy 40 year old. He been left a shell of himself and had three days when he thought he die. This isnt just flu

welldonejean · 02/04/2020 17:38

You aren't supposed to mix households but it's not the end of the world if she gets in a car and comes straight to you. What she shouldn't do it then visit her DP from your house, she comes, she stays.
The risk is that she has CV and brings it to you guys, or you have it and give it to her. So just stay together.
No-one is going to stop her.

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