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Original poster

Picking DD up - urgent

318 replies

takedphome · 02/04/2020 14:42

DD23 lives in a town 2 hours away. She has been furloughed. We really want her back for her safety. She also desperately wants to come home to us (her parents and DSis). Can her DP drive her to us? What are the risks involved? She lives with her DP.

OP posts:
GreyHare · 02/04/2020 15:03

I would just go get her, as long as she is going to stay for the foreseeable future then go bring her home.

Original poster
takedphome · 02/04/2020 15:04

She would absolutely not be going back and forth - she would be staying at ours for the duration of the lockdown

OP posts:
Lifesabeach86 · 02/04/2020 15:04

OP if she is going to permanently stay at yours then its fine. I see no more risk her moving in with you then say going shopping and touching trolleys, keypad and food items other people may have touched.

Aragog · 02/04/2020 15:04

Can someone please point me to where it says that permanently combining households is fine?

It doesn't. In fact when it came to partners not living together one of the official suggestions was to consider moving in together for the whole duration.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 02/04/2020 15:04

That's not actually true- the government have been clear that permanently combining households is fine.

Where? The PM announced it at 8.30pm effective that night. I didn't hear him offer opt out clauses or explain that it didn't apply to certain people.

How can it be fine to combine households? Surely the whole point was not to do what happened in Italy - people fleeing across the country back to family and taking the virus with them.

Thisismytimetoshine · 02/04/2020 15:05

Why isn’t she safe where she is? Confused

Nixen · 02/04/2020 15:05

She’s a grown ass adult, she stays in her home with her DP. I don’t know why you’re assuming abuse since the DP would be the one dropping her off?

Aragog · 02/04/2020 15:06

Hearhoovesthinkzebras

In the Q&As after one of the briefings and in some of the 'live' things on the BBc it was reiterated. They were talking mainly in the case of non cohabitating couples.

AmelieTaylor · 02/04/2020 15:06

It depends why she feels the need to leave her current home. If she’s being at all abused it’s a no brainer. Bring her home.

If they’ve split up...

Given children under 18 are allowed to move between their parents homes I think allowing a young adult to move home is ok, but it’s a one way trip with no visits either way & she would not be leaving our home for 14 days, not to exercise, work, shop or anything. I’d also try to isolate her from anyone in the home still going out working/shopping.

If her DP drops her off, he stays in the car.

But if she’s just a bit ‘bored’ there? Nope, she’ll live & if it’s money, you’d be better to support her living where she is.

StormyClouds · 02/04/2020 15:06

@Aragog

The advice is that partners should move in together- i.e. they should permanently combine households!

The government advice is clear that home moves can continue if necessary- www.gov.uk/guidance/government-advice-on-home-moving-during-the-coronavirus-covid-19-outbreak

twinnywinny14 · 02/04/2020 15:06

her partner is dropping her off with you? the safest way to do it is for her to self isolate- in own room with own bathroom/cleaning bathroom after use and no contact with you for 14days, no leaving the house for anything. You do the same and then you know that none of you have it and can safely mix together.

Elephantonascooter · 02/04/2020 15:07

Oh ffs if you nd her feel she needs to be with you, as a parent just fucking go and get her.
"no darling, I'm not going to come and get you because 50 people on mumsnet told me not to"
She's your child. If she is unhalpy/at risk which you have hinted she is just fucking do it. Explain to the police if you get stopped. Prepare to be fined but if its that important, a fine won't matter

Aragog · 02/04/2020 15:07

They also talked about it regards students too, as being it was okay to get themes long as you then stayed as one household thereafter, and took the necessary precautions of isolation if required.

StormyClouds · 02/04/2020 15:07

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras

  1. It wasn't effective that night- the rules only came into force last Thursday.
  1. The government has been clear that house moves can continue if necessary- they are classed as essential travel.
catsandlavender · 02/04/2020 15:08

If she’s safe with her DP then she should stay there. I live with my DP and while I’m very happy here and love him lots, I miss my parents hugely and would love to be with them. But I can’t, because they’re not members of my household. So no, I’d leave her there if she’s okay, I know it’s really really hard but it’s the safest thing for all of you. Flowers

Aragog · 02/04/2020 15:08

@StormyClouds - that's what I said isn't it?

maryberryslayers · 02/04/2020 15:08

OP usually I would say no, but it is clear your daughter does not want to be housed with her partner for the period of the lockdown. The rules clearly state you are allowed to move house and also assist some one to move house, so if she intends to say with you then she is moving home (you are also allowed to escape risk or harm if that's applicable). It's fine go and get her. If you want to be extra safe, quarantine her for 2 weeks in her bedroom.

Link below for clarification.

www.legislation.gov.uk/uksi/2020/350/made

mumto2teenagers · 02/04/2020 15:08

I think it depends on the reason why she wants to come home, you say it's for her safety. Therefore it is for you to weigh up the risks, however as others have said she will then need to stay with you until the end of the lockdown.

When the lockdown was announced, we immediately drove to DD's student accommodation and collected her. We gave her the option of coming home and staying here until the lockdown was over or staying put. She would have been completely on her own. I appreciate that something could have happened on the journey and to go DH needed to stop at the petrol station, however if she had stayed where she was, she would have been going out for her essentials which would have been an additional person going out, whereas now only one of has to go out for essentials for the four of us in the household.

AmelieTaylor · 02/04/2020 15:08

@Aragog

Can someone please point me to where it says that permanently combining households is fine?
—-

It doesn't. In fact when it came to partners not living together one of the official suggestions was to consider moving in together for the whole duration

🤨if moving in together for the duration isn’t combining households, what the hell is it?!?!

JustMySize · 02/04/2020 15:09

She should stay where she is for everyone's safety.

It is an unnecessary journey that could result in an accident putting more stress on the NHS.

She is safe where she is.

StormyClouds · 02/04/2020 15:12

@JustMySize

It is an unnecessary journey that could result in an accident putting more stress on the NHS

Grin Grin Grin

And what are the chances of that actually happening? One in 100 million? There needs to be a degree of common sense used here.

twinkle2306 · 02/04/2020 15:12

What you need to think of is

  1. When did she last go out
  2. Is anyone in your house more at risk
  3. If she comes back is it likely that in 2-4 weeks time she will want to go back to DP even if they're not in a good place now?
cupoftea84 · 02/04/2020 15:13

It sounds like there's a very good reason she wants to stay with you. In which case it's perfectly legal and moral to go and get her.

There must be thousands of people stuck in abusive environments st the moment that don't understand they are allowed to go done where safe. I don't think it's been clear enough that the new law allows for it.abuse also doesn't have to be violence but it can be control.

Please get her to yours where she will be safe.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 02/04/2020 15:13

Moving house is different though because the members of the house are moving together plus they've said they would prefer it if people postponed moving.

Honestly, we might just as well abandon lockdown - the number of people on here justifying shopping as much as you want, going out as much as you want, driving wherever you want in order to "exercise", going to the park, now moving people and combining households - honestly what's the point?