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Original poster

Picking DD up - urgent

318 replies

takedphome · 02/04/2020 14:42

DD23 lives in a town 2 hours away. She has been furloughed. We really want her back for her safety. She also desperately wants to come home to us (her parents and DSis). Can her DP drive her to us? What are the risks involved? She lives with her DP.

OP posts:
UnaCorda · 02/04/2020 16:18

Anyone else want to use the - completely redundant - phrase, "As a mum..."? Hmm

It sounds as if you are implying that you are somehow more caring, more empathetic and a better human being parent than the people who are trying to prevent the situation getting worse by staying at home.

If you weren't a mother then you wouldn't have a child to collect - and if everyone who is a mother went to collect their child then we may as well stop bothering to try to prevent the spread of this disease.

Pulppixies · 02/04/2020 16:18

She can’t be in that much danger if her DP is the one dropping her off.

loobyloo1234 · 02/04/2020 16:21

This is ludicrous. She is 23. And clearly she is not in danger if her DP is going to drop her. Why do so many people think the rules are different for them?

WeAllHaveWings · 02/04/2020 16:22

No he cant drive her to yours. She stays put in her own home. She could have the virus and infect you, you could have the virus and infect her. It is an additional non essential journey on the roads.

You cant play the, she's traveling to her own home get out card as she doesnt live there. If she did she wouldnt be allowed in the car with her partner as he is from another household.

Tell her to stay put.

The only way she would be allowed to leave home is if she is escaping a DV situation.

CupoTeap · 02/04/2020 16:26

Is she at risk? If so she can come to you

SunshineCake · 02/04/2020 16:27

I think people aren't taking this seriously.

Technically I'm allowed out now. I've done 15 days in the house having been poorly for just over that. Still staying in.

Let me tell you. COVID19 is no fun. I have it moderately and believe me I have had tears when I have been struggling with not being able to breathe and thinking about how much I will miss my children.

Stay the fuck home. Leave her where she is. Quite frankly is she stayed away to protect you then that should still stand.

Thekindofwindowsfaceslookinat · 02/04/2020 16:29

God the MN COVID-19 thread bullies have locked onto another target haven't they?

Just a few more posts and the CAPSLOCK verbal abuse will start.

OP, reading between the lines, it seems that the right thing is to bring/let your daughter come home.

I hope all is well.

ScissorsBike · 02/04/2020 16:30

It's fine.

willowpatterns · 02/04/2020 16:36

We really want her back for her safety
Why would she be unsafe where she is?

How old is she?

saraclara · 02/04/2020 16:37

There are a whole bunch of people on MN who are catastrophising. Ignore them.

560 people died in the UK yesterday. London is about to open a 2000 bed hospital. Huge mortuaries are being erected around London. We have a global pandemic causing the globe's economies to be tanked - if that's not a catastrophe I don't know what is.

Catastrophising in the sense that ANY CAR JOURNEY MEANS AN ACCIDENT AND AN AMBULANCE WILL HAVE TO BE CALLED AND THE NHS...

Or OMG A 70 YEAR OLD IS IN THE SUPERMARKET SHE'S GOING TO DIE

etc etc

TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 02/04/2020 16:37

There is a very big difference between “she wants” and “she needs”.

She needs to stay where she is, what she wants should be just irrelevant. Having said that, people are still going out to garden centres, or wasting delivery drivers time ordering unnecessary shite from internet so while we try to concentrate on our very own perception of what is a “need”, not being able to differentiate between needing a delivery slot to deliver the imprescindible Easter egg for your poor children or a food parcel for someone vulnerable, we all are screwed up.

Do as you please, while people are not respecting distances in the super market and are still driving away to exercise, it really doesn’t matter.

Candyfloss99 · 02/04/2020 16:38

Of course she should come home of she's desperately unhappy with her DP or in danger.

Bringringbring12 · 02/04/2020 16:40

I would have her home in a heart beat.

My children are going back and forth between me and their father (both of us are single and have no children). I know it’s not exactly the same, but my daughter wants to come home, then I’m bringing her home. End of.

JorisBonson · 02/04/2020 16:40

Make sure and have a copy of the electoral register printed out to bat the virus away.

Jesus Christ.

LimescaleCowboy · 02/04/2020 16:41

She can’t be in that much danger if her DP is the one dropping her off

That's not true, sadly. Abusers will offer to drive women to places and use the drama and trauma of the packing and the journey to emotionally blackmail them out of it. It's a known tactic.

Or they do drop them off all smiles, and gaslight the people who are taking the victim in into thinking they're such a great guy and the woman is just a bit mental. It's control.

twinkle2306 · 02/04/2020 16:43

@LimescaleCowboy I'd like to think if OP knows she's in a DV situation she would go and pick them up 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️ wouldn't go into MN to ask opinions

NewYearNewJob123 · 02/04/2020 16:47

Yes you can. As in there is no legislation to stop you.

Whether you should is up to you.

Topseyt · 02/04/2020 16:48

If she is in an abusive relationship then she should be allowed to come home. I actually think there is provision in the legislation for this, and I am sure the other day that Priti Patel said that it was a legitimate reason for leaving the house.

OP isn't totally clear, but does hint that something like this may be going on. It is irrelevant that the daughter's DP is likely to drop her off. He could use the journey to ramp up his abuse and blackmail.

Chocolatedeficitdisorder · 02/04/2020 16:48

My DD was living a 40 min drive away in her student flat. All of her 4 flat-mates had left and there were very few people in the building. Her P/t job closed on Sunday and the lockdown was announced on the Monday. I drove over and collected her immediately after the lockdown was announced at 8pm and we were all back by 10pm.

She stayed mostly to her room for the first week and we're all fine. I couldn't bear the thought of her being alone if she had become ill.

DishingOutDone · 02/04/2020 16:49

why would you start a thread and then refuse to give any information on which to base a recommendation?! If she is fleeing domestic violence or abuse of some sort then of course she can come home. If not, then why are you asking, what's the mitigating circumstances?

sandragreen · 02/04/2020 16:49

Absolutely not. Unless she is in danger from her DP, which sounds unlikely as he would be dropping her off.

Jourdain11 · 02/04/2020 16:51

Like others have said, it really depends on the situation.

I can't really talk anyhow, since my DC are going to their grandparents this weekend!

whitesoxx · 02/04/2020 16:51

"She stayed mostly to her room for the first week and we're all fine"

Great. Just one more week of isolation to go then.

And getting together the moment he announced lockdown was fine. The pubs were still open at midnight Hmm

OPs daughter was fine until she got furloughed. It's clear that had she not been then she'd have stayed put

WaitroseIsMySpiritualHome · 02/04/2020 16:52

OP you need to be more specific to get an answer

If she is going to be 'safer' with you because she is suffering DV, she is allowed to come to yours as long as it's a one way trip.

If she wants to be at home for any other reason, she has to wait.

Chocolatedeficitdisorder · 02/04/2020 16:54

Great. Just one more week of isolation to go then.

The gamble appears to have paid off for us, we're now 10 days in and we're all fine.

Swipe left for the next trending thread