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Original poster

Picking DD up - urgent

318 replies

takedphome · 02/04/2020 14:42

DD23 lives in a town 2 hours away. She has been furloughed. We really want her back for her safety. She also desperately wants to come home to us (her parents and DSis). Can her DP drive her to us? What are the risks involved? She lives with her DP.

OP posts:
Original poster
takedphome · 03/04/2020 09:23

She won't miss her DP enough to go back. She is always desperate to come home and all of her annual leave is used on returning home rather than e.g. a holiday with DP

OP posts:
MitziK · 03/04/2020 09:25

Why on earth is she wasting his time by staying in a relationship with him, then? That's unfair on the guy.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 03/04/2020 09:26

So, she wants to come home to have the cooking and cleaning done for her?

She's being paid to sit at home - why shouldn't she do the cooking and cleaning? What is she planning on doing in your house?

Won't she be bored quarantining in her room,alone, for two weeks while at your house?

LefttoherownDevizes · 03/04/2020 09:26

tbh op it shoves like having chores etc to focus on may actually be a good thing, being productive and keeping on going is very important at the moment.

Can you not just Skype/zoom each other at points throughout the day?

backaftera2yearbreak · 03/04/2020 09:27

Go and get your daughter 💖

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 03/04/2020 09:28

Poor bloke. She shouldn't be in a relationship with him. What will she do once this is over? Presumably her work is back there and she'll have to return but where will she live? Hopefully the man who she clearly doesn't love won't want her back.

coachman · 03/04/2020 09:33

Gosh, I was one of the people who said you should go and get her but having read your update I'm open mouthed. She doesn't fancy being in a one bedroomed flat doing a few chores whilst still being paid and would rather come and stay in a bigger house and be looked after?

You should not be enabling her to think like this.

lunar1 · 03/04/2020 09:35

I'm feeling sorry for the partner on this one!

Ninkanink · 03/04/2020 09:38
Hmm

Well that changes things somewhat...

snowegg · 03/04/2020 09:38

MH issues aren't always easy to spot or deal with at a distance. My DS came home from Uni 2 weeks ago and this morning I discovered he has been receiving treatment for anxiety and depression. I'm glad he came back. Very glad.

Go with your gut instinct OP.

snowegg · 03/04/2020 09:42

Although that last couple of posts were a bit odd. But for anyone else having that debate about adult children, my previous post stands.

OhClover · 03/04/2020 09:44

I’m actually speechless at your update.

TheOrigBrave · 03/04/2020 09:49

I too would like a bigger house and to spend time with my sister.
I too would rather not think about chores and what's for dinner, while working full time and trying to keep my 11 yo occupied.

OK, if she has genuine MH problems that's different but please don't assign her current mood and feeling of being unsettled to MH problems, it minimises those with genuine problems.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 03/04/2020 09:52

So she does like being an adult then?

ReceiptsAreSweet · 03/04/2020 09:55

I wish my parents were like you. When I was in my twenties had i behaved like this I'd have been laughed at and told to get a grip! Grin
She's a grown up.

twinkle2306 · 03/04/2020 09:59

I'm sorry that's is the most shocking update ever 😮 you have a vulnerable member of the family and DD has not quarantined herself for 14 days this is unbelievably dangers for DH.
She doesn't want to cook and do chores- speaking as a 23 year old neither do I and I'd rather have someone else doing it for me and not have to think about it but I am!
How horrible to DP if she doesn't like him in that way he shouldn't be strung along. If he gets ill he's by himself would she then feel guilty and want to help him if they have been long term? Whilst DP gets on my nerves I wouldn't dream of leaving him by himself ifhe got very poorly!
Sounds like DD gp is near her not near you? What happens if she needs an appointment etc? Or needs to pick up meds etc?

I'm sorry OP but this is ridiculous. Many of us have complex MH issues, I'd rather not have to 'adult' and be looked after by mum with someone to occupy me but I understand that at the moment I can't do these things.
As I said before FaceTime, Skype, have movie days etc

sadmumbecauseofson · 03/04/2020 10:00

If she needs to be with you for her own safety or if she is vulnerable in any way then yes go and get her.

Ragwort · 03/04/2020 10:03

You need to have a serious chat with your DD about her relationship, it’s clearly not a good one if she wants to come home. Is she seriously considering ending this relationship or just ‘coming home’ to be looked after my Mum and Dad? If this was my DD I would not like to think of her returning to this relationship after ‘lock down’. Can you have a frank discussion with her?

Beansandcoffee · 03/04/2020 10:07

Why should I sit in my house 100% of the time and not see my boyfriend or friends if people are just going to ignore the guidelines? No mixing of homes. It can’t get clearer than that. Unless your D is in danger then she should stay put. She isn’t a child but an adult.

yikesanotherbooboo · 03/04/2020 10:12

If she wants to come 'home' I would get her partner to bring her; and then insist that she go into isolation in her room for 2 weeks. She cannot see her DP going forward in lock down . I would be happy for it to happen , I certainly wouldn't want her unhappy where I couldn't see her. If she and her DP have been isolated for a few days that could count towards the two weeks.

Palavah · 03/04/2020 10:25

Wow. I was all ready to say I hope you managed to get her home, because in The situation you were describing it is fine for her to come to you for the duration (if she observes self-isolation when she arrives for the appropriate time etc.

But on your update - what is her problem? Why is she in a relationship with him if she would rather spend holidays with you, and she'd give up being able to see him for 12 weeks just so she doesn't have to do her own cleaning?

Nixen · 03/04/2020 10:34

I hope I do a better job with my daughter, so she doesn’t end up as dependant as a child at 23 years old. Ridiculous

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 03/04/2020 10:47

Given the updates I don't think the "partner" should have to do the four hour round trip to bring her back either. Talk about using the poor man. She doesn't want to be with him, isn't bothered about not going back to him, doesn't care about leaving him there on his own oh but drive for two hours there and back again to bring her home?

I know what I'd be telling her if I was him. Hopefully she intends to carry on paying her share of ehatever's necessary until they can end the tenancy?

saraclara · 03/04/2020 10:57

I hope I do a better job with my daughter, so she doesn’t end up as dependant as a child at 23 years old. Ridiculous

@Nixen that's an absolutely appalling thing to say. Mental health issues can strike people of any age, and from happy functional families too. You have absolutely no grounds at all to blame the young woman's parents.

Ninkanink · 03/04/2020 11:07

Parents should aim to teach resilience, though.