Picking DD up - urgent

[takedphome]

DD23 lives in a town 2 hours away. She has been furloughed. We really want her back for her safety. She also desperately wants to come home to us (her parents and DSis). Can her DP drive her to us? What are the risks involved? She lives with her DP.

I’m sorry but it’s a no from me too.

She’s 23 not a child. She has her own home with a partner, she does not need to come home and be cared for by you. Unless she’s unsafe of course in which case it’s a bigger issue.

'Mental health in tatters' is unsafe.

Look if you think she is genuinely in danger living with her DP then you need to go and get her

That includes if she is a danger to herself.
If you think she needs to live with you for her mental health then she needs to come

I have just heard the news of a suicide of a distant friend. We need to have some compassion rather than just a 'rules are rules', there are a few exceptions. Yes there's a risk to you if she moves in but the risk of leaving her might be greater. She will also be taking a hospital bed if she hurts herself, potentially an ITU bed.

Has she been isolating at all? If she has been isolating for 2 weeks then the risk to you all is low. It may not be possible but can you all try to self isolate for 14days and bring her home at the end of this period?

Either way, even if posters do thinm that she can't move can we please have a bit of compassion and support for a mother who is worried about their child's mental health. This really brings out the worst in people

"can we please have a bit of compassion and support for a mother who is worried about their child's mental health"

I think part of the problem is that those with only small children seem to think that you switch off all emotion / caring for your children once they turn 18

I think I would get her if she wants to come home as long as she’s not planning on going back and forth. There are lots of students who have gone home during this and that seems to have been okay. You could be extra careful in the house and treat her as though she has it for 14 days just to be on the safe side.

@Harrysnotter it was from our police. The local beauty spots were absolutely packed so they issued guidance that you cannot drive to exercise, must start and finish at your house, and ideally should remain within roughly 2 miles circumference of your home.

I think part of the problem is that those with only small children seem to think that you switch off all emotion / caring for your children once they turn 18

According to a lot of people on MN that’s exactly what you should do 🙄. I often wonder what some people on here will do when their children grow up. MN is a pretty crazy place at the moment.

Avon and Somerset police have had a few lines on this. The 2 mile area was in one but I can't find it right now. This one is similar:

We continue to receive a lot of questions about why we are advising against driving to beauty spots / popular walking destinations to take your daily form of exercise.

We are following Government guidance in advising residents of Avon and Somerset against all but ‘essential travel’. ‘Essential travel’ has been outlined as: collecting medical supplies, driving to and from work (only when it is absolutely impossible to do so from home), helping a vulnerable relative or friend, and to purchase essentials such as food (as infrequently as possible).

We are encouraging everyone to play their part in the global health crisis we are facing by leaving the house as little as possible. By doing so, you will be saving lives. Please, be mindful that driving to an area away from your home isn’t considered necessary travel (other than for the reasons mentioned above). You are still able to take one form of exercise per day, but we advise you to stay as close to home as possible. When leaving your home, please remember to practice social distancing by keeping a two metre distance from people around you.

Please remember, we are all in this together.

We would like to thank the monumental number of people who are already following Government guidance and staying at home as much as possible. #StayHomeSaveLives.

Essential travel’ has been outlined as: collecting medical supplies, driving to and from work (only when it is absolutely impossible to do so from home), helping a vulnerable relative or friend, and to purchase essentials such as food

There you go OP, your daughter is definitely vulnerable, and you are helping her. Go get her home safely.

OP, in the situation described I would absolutely be going to get my child. I’m sticking to all the rules and have problems with my immune system. I’m annoyed at people going out unnecessarily and having family round to visit ’because it’s Sunday and that’s what we normally do’. This situation is completely different, get your daughter home.

This is essential travel. She's vulnerable and in poor health, and needs to be cared for by her family.

If the partner is stopped by the police on the way, this is what he needs to say. That she was staying with him when the lockdown started, but she had a mental health crisis and needs to go back home to be cared for.

Write a letter for him to show the police should he be stopped on the way home, detailing the same thing

You're supposed to only exercise within 2 miles of your home

Did you check the actual legislation before you spouted that inaccurate bollocks? Nowhere does it specify that . I walk (from my home) generally further than that each time I go out for exercise.

OP, just get your DD home. If her mental health has deteriorated then she needs to come home, though she does need to understand that for now it has to be a one way journey and she can't change her mind once she is home.

I saw a legal briefing on the legislsation by some top lawyers and it doesn't say what the police say or even what was said by Boris when he announced it.
And in England a lot depends on interpretation of the phrase "reasonable " which actually means you could argue for more than one period of exercise a day. There is certainly no limit to distance from home or time.
And it is not just about getting medical supplies, it is also about providing medical care. Which arguably this is.
In the Government guidance and legislation, the issue of mental health has been a key consideration. Which is why we are still allowed out for exercise.

So tired of these lockdown fanatics trying to boss around other people on here.

Did you read the thread yesterday from the MNetter who lost her husband due to CoVID-19 this week @LimescaleCowboy? It's heartbreaking.

People are not being 'fanatics' or 'bossing' people around. They're trying to keep their families and others in their communities safe. Isn't that what most normal, caring people do?

OP, I think your DD sound very vulnerable and would perhaps be safer with you. Whatever you decide, I hope that she's coping.

OP has buggered off. You are all arguing amongst yourselves. Its like the OP lit the touch paper and stood back...

@Northernsoullover maybe the OP has a life? Real things to deal with? Actually sleeps?
Or maybe even saw the vitriol of some people and for her own well being ignored this thread?

I am still here. Reading 11 pages of replies takes time.

DD has a telephone doctor's appointment today so I am hoping that they will be able to assist in deciding what the best thing to do is.

Of course I am worried about the prospect of her bringing it home to us. She has left the house twice in the past 8 days: once to go to a bigger supermarket with many people and once to go to a Tesco Express where she was in very close contact with a staff member who did not observe the 2 metre rule and approached her.

DD is very torn for this reason as it is really her mental wellbeing v the fact that she is not selfish and wants to ensure that we do not catch the virus.

My DH is actually in the vulnerable category which makes it even harder.

Unreasonable use of the word 'urgent' op.

Is she certain though that coming home, leaving her partner and going into lockdown with you will help her mental health? Being in a house with four other people and not being able to escape to meet friends etc is also difficult to deal with.

As much as miss my children and desperately want them here with me the rational side of my brain realises that having four adults living here and stuck here 24/7 with no distractions or ability to go out would be purgatory.

It's very difficult because whatever she decides she needs to stick with.

Bring your daughter home.

Not everything is black and white.

@floatyboat if your child was at risk from severe mental health issues I am sure you would not say the same

If my child was at risk from severe mental.health then this would have been sorted out before lockdown. If it's taken this long to realise that she wants to come home when happens in two weeks time when she misses her partner and that causes mental health issues? Will she go back?

DD is closer to us than she is to her DP, which is rare for someone in a long term relationship, I know. She would be happier in a bigger house where she can move about and interact with her sister who she adores. She is currently in a 1 bedroom flat and is furloughed whilst her DP is working so during the day she has no one to speak to. She feels like she can't switch off where she is - she still has chores on her mind such as having to think of what to cook everyday, doing the cooking, cleaning etc. Her DP helps with some of the cleaning but the admin side of life is dealt with by DD e.g. DD has to tell him when and where to clean!