WIBU to leave my kids with neighbours?

[Rhayader]

I’m due to give birth to DC3 in May. If we are still in lockdown do you think we could get in trouble for leaving our kids with our neighbours? Our household is just me, DH and 2 DC (3 and 6).

I can’t think of any other way we could do it other than if DH drove me to hospital with DC in the car and left me there by myself.

Sorry but no. You will probably have to give birth without your husband. It's horrible, and so upsetting but you cannot mix households.

It may be that DH has to drop you off as you suggested.

Depending on your hospital it may be that he’s not allowed there anyway. Our hospital has stopped dads being on the labour and delivery wards at the moment 😔

Many hospitals have stopped DHs being present at the birth

Would your neighbour even want to now? I doubt it.

Depending how the situation looks in May, in all honesty I would prepare yourself to be alone in the hospital. I know locally they have no stopped dads / birthing partners from going into the maternity ward after delivery. So it seems this will be the next step, and they won't be allowed into delivery suite either. Which will be very hard on a lot of mums. I really feel for any pregnant lady at the moment

YABU. Unfortunately it’s just one of those things and part and parcel of the situation we’re in

Unfortunately I think your DH would have to be at home with your DC. Very sad situation. I feel for you.

I know it's hard, but please don't even worry about this now. It's a few weeks off and no one really knows what's going to happen.

My neighbour has offered and the offer is still open.

My hospital is still allowing 1 birth partner at the moment. My previous births were uncomplicated birth centre births without any pain relief so I would also consider a home birth but I know that those place more pressure on workforce because you need two midwives... so that feels likely to be banned at some point.

Current guidance:

Birth partners and visitors

You may have one named birthing partner with you for the duration of your labour and delivery

Your birth partner may stay with you continuously on our postnatal ward. However, we cannot allow any other visitors, to help prevent the spread of infection

Unfortunately I think you’re likely to be told he’s not allowed in anyway 😢

If it were me, I’d just assume I’d be doing it alone & DH would be with the kids. Apart from anything I’d rather not risk them bringing it back from the neighbours or worrying they’ll change their minds at the last minute. Plus I’d feel bad asking in the current climate.

It's absolutely awful and I really feel for you but I would give birth alone. There is no way I'd risk other people's lives by asking them to watch my children for a reason that wasn't actually life or death.

I still wouldn’t want to risk it.
Imagine if one of the kids picked up the virus at your neighbours’ house then brought it home to you and the baby

No you can’t leave your kids with them. That would be mixing households so not allowed (for good reason).

Going against the grain but I would.

@CovidConcerned your username isn’t overly accurate then is it

Ignore the scaremongering on here, until you are specifically told that you can't have your partner please don't listen to anyone saying you can't. Things can change a lot in a month.
Honestly If you are all self isolating and so are your neighbours I don't see anything wrong with them helping you.
If I was you I would take yourself off this post and don't look again because I don't think comments telling you that you will be alone are helpful right now. You have enough to worry about without adding that to your list or worry's

Depends really. If all involved have been working from home, maintaining good social distancing and keeping well I think I would do it. If someone works frontline in the NHS I wouldn't.

I know it's tough but I think if this is still around when you are due, you will probably have to go it alone. I have read stories recently of kids being taken by ambulance on their own because of CV. At least as an adult you can understand why.

The current advice says you may leave home to provide care. This would fall under this category. Your neighbour could travel to your home to provide care to your children.

It doesn't say provide care for the vulnerable. It says provide care OR to help the vulnerable.

So in an extreme circumstance such as giving birth, if you and your neighbours are otherwise isolating, I suspect they would be fine.

Selfish as it may be, I would not be giving birth alone and I'd challenge any woman who would say they'd not take their children to a neighbour's in this position, when it's still okay (as a lone parent) to take your child to the supermarket with you, to drop them at school (if you're a key worker), for adults to still get public transport to and from work etc.

I'd say going to your neighbour on the one occasion is low risk.

Don't just yet. See how things develop.

Which UK hospitals are not allowing birth partners during labour? I thought this was just New York and Ireland? Statistically speaking, women who have a trusted birth partner with them are more likely to have a complication-free birth. I’m terrified at the prospect of going alone and in the hormone fuelled moment I think I would probably just turn around and go home.

My previous births were uncomplicated in the birth centre so I wouldn’t even be on the post natal ward at all, but could totally understand why as a patient I wouldn’t want additional people on the ward with me in this scenario. I’m highly likely to be a 6 hour discharge direct from the birth centre.

We have been in self isolation for 14 days so far... not even leaving the house for walks - just going in the garden. I am a key worker but I can do my job from home so we haven’t been sending our kids to school. Our neighbours both work from home and their kids aren’t at school. They live 5 doors away but we know them well because our kids were at nursery together and are in the same class at school.

Not quite the same but I am going to have no choice but to accept help for my son. I've just had breast cancer surgery and will be having radiotherapy. I'm a single mum. No family anywhere near or who could even help if they wanted to. My eldest child has stayed in her flat in London to protect me rather than come home. Hospital in my case agreed that there will be times I need to have "essential contact" with others. Very difficult. I think in your case OP if you can be brave and birth alone then I would. Your kids are safer with their Dad and you will have a newborn that you really can't take chances with. So difficult.

OP I unintentionally gave birth to Ds2 alone in the hospital because DP didn't get there in time, as he was waiting for nursery to open to take DS1 and it all went faster than expected. I have to say the midwives were so lovely because I was on my own and to be honest I found it easier because I wasn't worrying about DP, and crucially I knew DS 1 was safe with his Dad and then at nursery. I think you might find when it comes to it you would prefer your kids to be safe at home with your DH rather than risking and transmission of virus. I know it's not ideal, but nothing is currently... Good luck.

Before all this happened my plan was my friend to have my 4 year old. That is still the plan. Both households are isolating with all members and none have left the house. I don’t have family nearby and they can’t travel to me. I had an extremely traumatic birth last time and a haemorrhage and there is no way on earth that I am prepared to do that on my own. Our hospitals here are not banning birth partners at the moment so please don’t let people scare you about that. It’s a developing situation but that would be an extreme last resort.