Covid-19 and a very difficult ex husband

[Standinguptononsense]

Hi all,

I am hoping for some advice and appreciate these are difficult times and you may not know the answer but opinions would be welcome.

I have a CO with my ex husband. We split the nights 8/6 in my favour. Shared holiday. The order is clear on split of time week to week.

Yesterday my now husband developed a cough so as well guidelines we are as a family self isolating. Including my 2 children with my ex. This is obviously not ideal.

He is saying whilst they are not at school we should be splitting the time 50 50. I am working from home / home schooling at the moment. I have said these 14 days are no contact with anyone and he disagrees he says its guidelines not law. He has a nan with respiratory problems. His parents came back from spain sunday and his sister is 5 months pregnant. He would see them. He thinks all this doesnt apply to him. Hes invincible.

So what would you do in these circumstances he is saying I am purposely restricting their time with their father. As if I really have a choice.

If I let them go to him, am I part of the problem in terms of spreading the disease?

Thoughts? AIBU?

I'd be clarifying the legal position given the fact he's not obeying the guidelines (and then presumably the lockdown) himself. You cannot be expected to put your children and yourself at risk.

If you know that he is off to the pub and has socialised with rellies just back from Spain then he hasn't a leg to stand on.

www.judiciary.uk/announcements/coronavirus-crisis-guidance-on-compliance-with-family-court-child-arrangement-orders/

This might be of help

He's messaged this morning saying he will be getting the boys at 9am tomorrow, no discussion just a demand.

Be prepared to ring the police.. He is an arse...

There is a difference between social distancing and self- isolating though isn’t there? Children can move between parental homes if social distancing, but if a household is self-isolating due to symptoms then no movement is allowed surely?

My interpretation was the same as ChickenPoetry - DC can move between both parents' homes if both households are socially distancing, but not if one household is self-isolating.

Once a household is self-isolating no-one can come in, and no-one can go out until the 14 days have passed.

Tell him you promise to make up for the lost days afterwards so he doesn't miss out.

We made some headway today and he has actually answered my questions. I have suggested he has them from now until Monday am and then we will split Easter but break it up so we aren't getting our usual week each. He's now ignoring me and not agreeing to the proposal. He is fully expecting to turn up at 9am and take the boys without agreeing to when they are back with me.....wtf do I do now.

I guess all you could do would be to tell him that you won't send the boys to him until he commits to a return date. Or when he picks them up say "I expect them back on XX date at XX time".

But even if he does agree, would it be 'enforceable'? Because if it's not then he can promise the moon with no intention of complying.

It's something I've never understood about UK access orders. Why bother to specify dates and times if they can't be enforced by the police?

I have said that. At least it will be writing though....in some ways I wish hed take me to court and they can see what a prick he is.

So apparently this doesn't work for him now.....

Sorry have only just seen this thread but am familiar with such a situation and such an ex... the new guidance clearly states that one parent may have particular concerns and act according to those. And that if a parent feels the other has been unfair they are free to take it to the family court when that starts functioning normally again.

Call his bluff, keep your children safe with you. Gather all evidence of his threats and also his flouting of government rules.

It's an impossible situation

No, you just say no and for him to take you to court if he feels hard done by. They won’t be safe with him.

Then ffs just block the prick. He can’t do anything and if he comes, call the police and tell them he is threatening you and scaring you.

The proposal I made was based on his point in an email, plus I'd said he could have the boys this week. It took him 7 hours to reply and say it doesn't work. I don't think its unreasonable to agree this before the boys go to him. Hes also pushing for the time after the school holidays to be different to the order.

He eventually said yesterday he is following the guidelines and then sent me a load of questions to answer!!!

I'm not chasing him this morning. If he turns up at 9 I'm ignoring him / calling the police.

OP, I have a very similar exH.

In the kindest possible way, you need to completely stop engaging with him. He is using this as a means of exerting control over you. Stop responding to emails, stop trying to reason with him.

If he turns up today, call the police. I wouldn't hand the children over because I'd be worried that he will keep them. Let him go to court. Don't show any emotion whatsoever. He's just bullying you and you are rising to the bait. If you are anxious, don't show him at all. Your children are old enough I think to sort out face time etc with him. Just be very blasé in front of them.

Did he turn up, OP?

He came to the door at 9am this morning to get the boys and I ignored him. Then he knocked again and I opened the window and said until you agree the boys aren't going anywhere. He said you've got 2 minutes to bring them out. I said leave my properlty or I will call the police. He went to his car so I went out and he was crying and pleading to have the boys. I said I have made it clear what you need to do. You sat on that email for 7 hours last night. Agree the proposal and I will get the boys ready. He was like fine I'll email you now just let me see them. I said. Send the email and we are in agreement. So he did. The boys have gone. Hes caused a scene and disruption when there Didnt need to be. He knows I wont stand for his shirt anymore. If he crosses the boundaries in my email I will report him for harassment

I hope it works op. Is it monday you expect them back?

This might help
Links are in the text , click on the second one as it's very helpful about what is expected of a 'reasonable parent'

Government guidance on staying at homee* says: "Where parents do not live in the same household, children under 18 can be moved between their parents' homes."

However, the Family Division of the High Court has saidd** that, in England and Wales, if one parent is worried that moving their child would be going against public health advice, they may "exercise their parental responsibility and vary the arrangement to one that they consider to be safe", even if the other parent does not agree.
Where this is the case, family courts will expect parents to allow contact by video chat or phone.*

Yeah Monday am. I'll speak to them tomorrow. I hope so too. Thanks for the links.