Covid-19 and a very difficult ex husband

[Standinguptononsense]

Hi all,

I am hoping for some advice and appreciate these are difficult times and you may not know the answer but opinions would be welcome.

I have a CO with my ex husband. We split the nights 8/6 in my favour. Shared holiday. The order is clear on split of time week to week.

Yesterday my now husband developed a cough so as well guidelines we are as a family self isolating. Including my 2 children with my ex. This is obviously not ideal.

He is saying whilst they are not at school we should be splitting the time 50 50. I am working from home / home schooling at the moment. I have said these 14 days are no contact with anyone and he disagrees he says its guidelines not law. He has a nan with respiratory problems. His parents came back from spain sunday and his sister is 5 months pregnant. He would see them. He thinks all this doesnt apply to him. Hes invincible.

So what would you do in these circumstances he is saying I am purposely restricting their time with their father. As if I really have a choice.

If I let them go to him, am I part of the problem in terms of spreading the disease?

Thoughts? AIBU?

He doesnt understand at all. He thinks the boys can self isolate between 2 house when he not only not self isolating but actively visiting people.

You’re not supposed to understand him, you’re supposed to remain on the emotional hook so he can pull you the other wringer for his own little man ego.

Stop trying to work him out. Don’t negotiate with terrorists and focus on the boys and your own family unit.

Please do yourself the favour and stop engaging or thinking about him - it’s what he wants, you and your attention all on him.

He is a prick

Oh dear OP. I have a prick for an ex too - he's refusing to see the children in his home at all, although is happy to go to public spaces with them . Given that he's also not social distancing, and I don't want my children out and about, I have refused him contact .

I think you just to say to your ex. The children are in self isolation for 14 days. You can see them after that.

If he then threatens court, say, fine.

Then block (or send his emails to spam). Don't engage anymore. It's just a means of controlling you. He can face time as much as he wants. I don't know how old your children are, but hopefully they can sort that out themselves and you don't even need to be involved?

The key is NOT to engage at all.

All these arsehole exes. I hate mine.

Very sad situation OP. Was he always like this? How did he get you to have kids with him in the first place!!

He doesnt understand at all. He thinks the boys can self isolate between 2 house when he not only not self isolating but actively visiting people.

He may not understand or he may understand perfectly well and be deliberately making it impossible for you to hand them over to him by saying stupid things and then tormenting you by pretending you're in the wrong.

The important thing is that you give him nothing to use.

You're all right of course. I'm just ignoring him now anyway. I know I'm.right. he can do one. Amd i do wonder why I married him sometimes as well!!!!

I actually wish that the government would step in and state that children can only stay with one parent and priority is given to those who either work from home or aren’t working, in cases like this. I know it’s harsh, but shuttling kids between homes is definitely going to increase the risk of infection and a vulnerable person being harmed.

To be fair boris has said no movement between households.

Op I could have written this myself. Word for word.
I really sympathise with you. It's the worst feeling ever.

It is. We are on lockdown now. The boys are safe. That's all that matters to me.

We are on lockdown now. The boys are safe. That's all that matters to me.

:) :)

well he can get stuffed now

My only concern he will just hold on to them when they so go back in a few weeks.

Boris has spoken yet I'm still getting abusive texts from DD's dad about how unreasonable i am to keep asthmatic DD at home and it's my own selfish insecurities to blame and I'm destroying DD's mental health. I must point out he lives 70 miles away as well - surely Boris made it clear we're barely allowed to walk down the street once a day for daily exercise!

They won't be going anywhere in a few weeks either. The lockdown will be extended.

Keep on trying to establish a regular way for the boys to keep in contact with your ex. Skype, Facetime, etc. Keep track of his response to your suggestions and also when he completely ignores you.

Is your custody and visitation agreement court ordered?
If not, then you can simply refuse to hand over the boys if you believe he won't allow them back when his normal amount of time is over.

If you have a court ordered arrangement, then whenever the lockdown ends, IF your ex tries to hold on to the boys for an equal amount of time, go straight to court with your log of contact that you tried to facilitate and petition for him to be held in contempt of court. If he agrees to skype/facetime, keep a log of all skyping, etc, that he actually did and that was attempted, to show that you obeyed the government and at the same time facilitated regular and frequent communication time with ex, so ex is not hard done by.

If he keeps the boys or threatens to (keep a record of all threats), you need to file a motion (find out from the clerks how to do this or contact a solicitor) for contempt of court against him.

If not, then you can simply refuse to hand over the boys if you believe he won't allow them back when his normal amount of time is over.

And I urge you to suggest mediation to hammer out an agreement and have family court approve it as it will protect everyone. If he won't agree, then take the matter to court (hire a solicitor).

Gov website has been updated to allow movement of u18s to move between parents.

Can you post link please.

www.gov.uk/government/publications/full-guidance-on-staying-at-home-and-away-from-others

Footnote 1.....updated during the night

Thank you that makes sense. If the ex is complying with the rules and communicating symptoms etc?

This is all down to common sense or you can just feign ignorance until he points this document out to you. Not everyone is Internet savvy and it's not been in press yet.

Update from Gove.