Covid-19 and a very difficult ex husband

[Standinguptononsense]

Hi all,

I am hoping for some advice and appreciate these are difficult times and you may not know the answer but opinions would be welcome.

I have a CO with my ex husband. We split the nights 8/6 in my favour. Shared holiday. The order is clear on split of time week to week.

Yesterday my now husband developed a cough so as well guidelines we are as a family self isolating. Including my 2 children with my ex. This is obviously not ideal.

He is saying whilst they are not at school we should be splitting the time 50 50. I am working from home / home schooling at the moment. I have said these 14 days are no contact with anyone and he disagrees he says its guidelines not law. He has a nan with respiratory problems. His parents came back from spain sunday and his sister is 5 months pregnant. He would see them. He thinks all this doesnt apply to him. Hes invincible.

So what would you do in these circumstances he is saying I am purposely restricting their time with their father. As if I really have a choice.

If I let them go to him, am I part of the problem in terms of spreading the disease?

Thoughts? AIBU?

I wont. He spoke to the kids and said I wont see you for a couple of weeks because mummy wont let me....

@totallyfuckedupfamily exactly. I've told him no, in no uncertain terms.

Also, he would normally take the kids to his 2nd wifes (now ex) house, but she has self isolated with her kids this week, so has said no to my kids going. So he LITERALLY has nowhere to take them. Even McDonalds is closed!!!

And if you played himself’s () game you could say to your children “I’m sorry Daddy wants to risk your Grandma’s health as well as other people’s but I want to make sure we all stay safe” and I wouldn’t blame you if you did.

But I bet most of the time you bite your tongue and don’t put your kids in the middle of some sort of snipey brain-fuck. Becomes that’s what decent parents do, unlike your ridiculous ex.

By the way, WELL DONE. Yourself won this one because did you notice himself has dropped all himself’s objections to yourself’s plan. Sure he’ll try a load of different emotional blackmail tactics but he didn’t get his way. Oops sorry I mean himself didn’t get himself’s way.

@CathedralSpire* you just made me laugh with all your yourselfs and himselfs, which I read to myself (Lol) in a good Irish accent, was I right?

You have made yourself very clear that I'm not having the lads today or until the end of the month despite my concerns and disagreement

Well he's right - you have made yourself clear and it's good that at last himself has recognised that. Don't worry about responding - himself was stating a fact not asking a question. Himself knows that.

Now with all these himselfs he sounds like Gollum

He spoke to the kids and said I wont see you for a couple of weeks because mummy wont let me...

And you tell the DC that the reason you have had to make that decision is because "our government has asked us all to stay inside because we don't want to become ill or make others ill. So you and they are doing what the government has asked you to do because you are all good citizens ".

Havent read any of the thread except the first post, but you could do your 14 days isolation, then he can have them for the following 14 days

You lot are funny 😂😂😂 I have spoken to both of them and explained why we are doing what we are doing, they understand we are doing it to help others

Really hope himself doesn’t get the virus and have to isolate himself for ages !

Ha ha ha he is so self absorbed he thinks he won't get it and therefore the rules dont apply to him....

I think not responding is the right course of action. If you read his last email and text message he's not actually asked you anything, so there's no question to answer.

You are doing what's right and any court would laugh at him for trying to bring it up at this time.

I'm frustrated just reading your thread, you must be beyond patient with him, I'd have ended up burying him under the patio before now tbh.

I would formally reply to his email about court. Include his email in your email.

I would state you're following the guidelines as per x date in this unprecedented health crisis affecting the world and now the UK.

If he feels that he needs to return to court, wasting the time of the family court service when this is clearly a case of him wishing to not follow the Government's guidance, then please do apply for mediation and the miam.

Should you do this, I will be raising the obvious concerns I now have about how you will manage our two young children's health, should an issue arise, given that you deem yourself above all health guidance, from the government and WHO.

I would sign it off that holiday contact will proceed as planned, assuming that this would not break the government guidance at that time and that the children's health is good.

I would then state that his parental alienating statements that he made to the two young children was totally inappropriate. That you have explained that Mummy is not stopping him seeing them. Rather mummy is doing what the government advises.

When you make your application to court, I will be raising this emotional abuse to our children in the form of parental alienation, which is now taken more seriously as it concerns me that you cannot put our childrens mental health above your own issues.

It needs to be black and white. You need to state it all so that if nothing else, you can then use this in court. Not that he'd do this after such an email.

Thank you solomummy that makes sense x

My kids dad is self isolating and has to deal with the fact that he can't have them visit. He does come knock on the door and talk to them from a safe distance, but that's all we can do. Regular arrangements have to be adjusted for now.

My concern is that if he gets it he wont tell me and will have the kids back. Hes been working/going out as normal. Taking no social responsibility.

If he gets it you’ll know, he won’t be able to function.

My DC has had it and couldn’t breathe, when it goes to the lungs no way will he be able to come down to pick up two young children and look after them.
The coughing previous to the breathing difficulties are accompanied by elevated temperature and also not compatible with caring for young children as the fever was accompanied by aching joints in my DC’s case.

Ok thank you, my OH still just has a cough and has no other symptoms so its unlikely to have got it. But we had no choice a few days ago other than to go into self isolation.

Was he hospitalized or managed from home?

It's more like severe pneumonia than flu as others are suggesting!!

There are mild cases so you can’t make statements like that. He could get it and you don’t know or you don’t know for a week.

I know and that's why we took the decision to self isolate.

OP, please can you answer the question: why can’t you make up for lost contact time, by letting ex DH have them for an extended period after the 14 day isolation ends?

Also, you don’t all need to isolate for 14 days. Your partner (who is showing symptoms) can stop isolating 7 days after symptoms develop. The rest of you, if you develop symptoms, can also stop isolating 7 days after Your own symptom onset. It is only those who do not develop symptoms that need to continue isolating for 14 days.

He is having them from the last day of isolation until 10th april. I will then have the second week of Easter as planned.

My dh can go out after 7 days? The rest of us have no symptoms so we do the whole 14 days? Unless we get symptoms then we isolate for a future 7 days?

I would also put money on him self isolating after hes had them for a week....

NHS 111 told us to self isolate for 14 days and DC to for seven days.

We managed at home but had the breathing difficulties got worse we’d have ended up in hospital. It was very bad for three days then started easing up, altho DC is still not breathing well.

OP, please can you answer the question: why can’t you make up for lost contact time, by letting ex DH have them for an extended period after the 14 day isolation ends?

You do realise that contact is for the children, don't you? It shouldn't be about each parent getting their fair share or taking turns. The focus should always be on what is right for the children. Maybe the best thing for the children after spending 14 days stuck in the house, not seeing friends would not be to be stuck with a narcissistic twat for 14 days.

Poppin - I agree. But what can i realistically do...