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Original poster

Covid-19 and a very difficult ex husband

222 replies

Standinguptononsense · 18/03/2020 15:31

Hi all,

I am hoping for some advice and appreciate these are difficult times and you may not know the answer but opinions would be welcome.

I have a CO with my ex husband. We split the nights 8/6 in my favour. Shared holiday. The order is clear on split of time week to week.

Yesterday my now husband developed a cough so as well guidelines we are as a family self isolating. Including my 2 children with my ex. This is obviously not ideal.

He is saying whilst they are not at school we should be splitting the time 50 50. I am working from home / home schooling at the moment. I have said these 14 days are no contact with anyone and he disagrees he says its guidelines not law. He has a nan with respiratory problems. His parents came back from spain sunday and his sister is 5 months pregnant. He would see them. He thinks all this doesnt apply to him. Hes invincible.

So what would you do in these circumstances he is saying I am purposely restricting their time with their father. As if I really have a choice.

If I let them go to him, am I part of the problem in terms of spreading the disease?

Thoughts? AIBU?

OP posts:
CathedralSpire · 19/03/2020 12:56

Just knew he’d be the sort of person that uses “myself” to sound important like a bell end

Original poster
Standinguptononsense · 19/03/2020 13:03

Haha Haha yes he always uses that and does. My favourite is when he uses reframe instead of refrain...

I've said we will look at it once we know more.

OP posts:
Windyatthebeach · 19/03/2020 13:07

Op I tell you no lie with this...
Once my dc were finishing a game on the xbox. Exh was sat outside tooting furiously..
I text to say they were indeed ready just finishing the game..
He informed me police and infact the police helicopter were en route as I was refusing to send the dc out.
The man who dropped he back 30 mins late EVERY SINGLE TIME...
Years later dc are nc with him and his prize ways... Seriously op - chill and ignore.

slipperywhensparticus · 19/03/2020 13:10

See you in court

Warn the police you are self isolating in case he tries to use them to enforce the court order they wont want to risk infecting officers at this time

Also what is he planning on doing while the kids are off school? Is he taking time off work or?

Original poster
Standinguptononsense · 19/03/2020 13:10

Helicopters that's amazing !! 😂😂😂

OP posts:
frazzledasarock · 19/03/2020 13:10

Respond with the thumbs up sign.

He’s such a fucking idiot.

Original poster
Standinguptononsense · 19/03/2020 13:12

Nope. He is still working. The court order states he would have them till 3pm on the Monday. He said he would drop them to me at 9am....so he can go back to work. I've said are you able to wfh and hes not answered. He'll send them back to me and then we are back to square one!!!

OP posts:
Windyatthebeach · 19/03/2020 13:16

Op I put it to you he was such a twat in your relationship you second guessed every parenting decision you made...
He is still doing it..
If you let him..
You are entitled to make a judgement call on the safety of your dc.
No judge will hold you accountable for breaking the court order at this time.
In fact would it not be neglect to knowingly put your dc at risk of Corona Virus?
After all exh can't have a relationship with a deceased dc can he?.

  • heaven forbid obviously...
Original poster
Standinguptononsense · 19/03/2020 13:21

Windy yoire right. X

So what shall I put.

OP posts:
onalongsabbatical · 19/03/2020 13:30

Honestly I'd stop engaging with him. Don't answer his texts. Don't answer the door. If he kicks off call the police. He has not got a leg to stand on. What an utter pain in the arse, as if you need to worry about him on top of everything else.

Ohmymg · 19/03/2020 13:36

I will be in exactly the same boat should a lockdown be declared. Narcissistic ex who lives with his grandparents, both over 80 and both with various health issues. They’re as vulnerable as they come. He only sees him once a week, but will insist on turning up and taking him to his go’s home.

He will think the guidelines don’t apply to him, cos he’s his dad. End of.

The world is full of selfish arseholes sadly

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 19/03/2020 13:51

Make sure all your doors and lower windows are locked, take your children upstairs just before 3pm and put the tv on quite loudly so they don’t hear the door. If he insists on trying to shout/bully his way int8 the house, phone 101 and explain that the house is under quarantine and he’s trying to break in. He’s a selfish wanker.

Stop responding to his texts. Also be aware that when this dickhead is able to resume contact with the boys, he will probably develop a ‘cough’ and insist on keeping them for two weeks. I hope your husband recovers quickly.

combatbarbie · 19/03/2020 13:52

Just keep repeating the boys are in self isolation until 31st March.

debbs77 · 19/03/2020 14:03

I'm having this today too. My ex wants to come down from London, where he sleeps in his car and works in a bar, and still see the kids. With nowhere to even take them when down here.

On the other hand, my partner has arranged with his ex for their daughter to have a week with us and a week with her mum, ongoing, assuming that neither household present any symptoms

MzHz · 19/03/2020 15:03

it is yourself deciding to take that course of action

I never, ever reply to any message that uses yourself/myself like this.

It’s like rewarding bad behaviour

Grin
MzHz · 19/03/2020 15:07

He’s now trying to engage you to fulfill his narcissistic need.

So don’t reply at all. You’ve been clear, you know if he tries to go to court they’re going to laugh him out of the building

Don’t engage at all.

I know this is scary for you, but it’s how to deal with narcs, you make your point then disengage, use as few words as possible at all times, and if something is sent that is just a meaningless rant, don’t even dignify it with a response.

Grey rock.

EightNineTen · 19/03/2020 15:10

Not sure why you keep responding and thus remain engaged. Just stop. No court would listen to him. Be prepared to not see them for a fortnight once you're out of isolation as revenge. When that happens and hectells you, respond with a thumbs up and nothing else.

MzHz · 19/03/2020 15:19

The engagement comes from residual fear of his narcissistic rage

It takes a huge amount of courage to break the habit.

@Standinguptononsense just stop and think for a second... Think rationally- what actually can this silly man do to you?

Answer is NOTHING

Even IF he had a valid case in forcing the court order, the courts aren’t sitting so he can do literally nothing

IF he called the police to force you to do what he wants, THEY would tell him that the kids have to stay in quarantine

Original poster
Standinguptononsense · 19/03/2020 15:38

I've not replied to his email. He has now text with

You have made yourself very clear that I'm not having the lads today or until the end of the month despite my concerns and disagreement.

Again I've not responded.

OP posts:
onalongsabbatical · 19/03/2020 15:46

Good on you not responding. Stay strong. Say anything you like here and keep shtum with him.
You're doing great.

Windyatthebeach · 19/03/2020 15:51

Well done op.
You do your dc proud.

Glaceon · 19/03/2020 15:52

I've got symptoms and my boys are staying with their dad. Hes having them facetime me whenever I want.

My partners girls are here but they were exposed tuesday before this developed, the eldest has the same cough I do and their mums youngest is in hospital with strep b so they're at risk either way now.

My boys were here at the weekend but not tuesday (it was partners eldest birthday they came round for presents).

MurrayTheMonk · 19/03/2020 15:57

He's being a dick.
Dd was feverish Monday, Tuesday and yesterday and had other symptoms. I'm sick now.
Exh has his mother staying with him. Girls are with me and he is coming to see them through the window every day for 14 days as per guidance. We don't get on well but we both agreed it straight away as neither of us want his Mother to get it.

After 14 days we'll see what the the guidance is for over 70's but I imagine they'll go back to staying there on his nights with Granny staying in her room away from them whilst they are there, but we'll play that by ear.
He hates not seeing them and I'm sure they'll miss him as the days go on. But now isn't the time to play power games over contact really...and we thankfully are in accord over that.

MzHz · 19/03/2020 16:08

You see? You breaking his power over you is what he’s most bothered about! It wasn’t enough to email you, now you have not responded he’s using another method to push you about.

If I were you I’d block him and stick to email only, as these can be more easily saved and used for court.

Do. Not. Respond. At. All. Now.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 19/03/2020 16:18

I'm having this today too. My ex wants to come down from London, where he sleeps in his car and works in a bar, and still see the kids. With nowhere to even take them when down here.

No no no! He’s probably wanting to rock up at yours in case they lock London down, then he won’t be allowed back in! You’ll be stuck with him and you’ve no idea if he’s got the virus.