Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Covid

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Separated parents - have you discussed things with your ex about a possible lockdown

32 replies

chomalungma · 16/03/2020 07:11

Please don't get this moved. It's something that people need to think about, even if they aren't worried at the moment.

Ex and I have shared custody with DS. We don't live too far away - so I am hoping that if we have a lockdown, we could still travel between houses to do a handover.

I can see that would be difficult for parents who live a long way apart.

It's something people need to think about.

OP posts:

PawPatrolMakesMeDrink · 16/03/2020 07:15

Yeah we did yesterday, we live an hour apart and DS goes to his dads weekly. Complicated that I’m an nhs nurse and expect to pick it up at some point. We have a rough plan in place with back up from my DP and his flexible working policy.

Original poster

chomalungma · 16/03/2020 07:16

Complicated that I’m an nhs nurse and expect to pick it up at some poin

Thankyou for what you do. It's such a tough time for the NHS

An hour apart sounds difficult.

OP posts:

Toomanycats99 · 16/03/2020 07:20

I'm assuming I will do it all. My ex is local but still lives with his parents one of who is over 80 with prostate cancer.

So I think he's going to have to skip seeing my dd's for the time being in case he takes it back to them.

Bluewater1 · 16/03/2020 07:21

Yes we did yesterday. We live very close to each other and share 50 50. We have made a plan with a number of eventualities, depending on if none, one or both of us show symptoms. If complete lockdown happens the DC will stay with my ex (if Ex is well and so am I) as more than one bathroom, bigger, secure garden, bigger house with more bedrooms so easier to manage 2 metre rule. Lots of facetime

Bluewater1 · 16/03/2020 07:22

Selfish part of me wants then with me of course but their health (physical and mental) comes first so rational part of me knows this is right

SoupDragon · 16/03/2020 07:24

I assume that the kids (2 are adults though!) will be with me for the duration as it's their normal residence. although if they were at their father's at the start of any sudden lockdown I guess they'd stay there.

I don't think you're meant to be travelling to hand over children in the event of a lockdown as it's not essential. That kind of defeats the purpose. In the case of essential workers like the NHS it is necessary for childcare purposes though.

Pinkandpurplehairedlady · 16/03/2020 07:28

We had this conversation last night (share 50/50) and decided that if there’s a lockdown the kids will stay with me. If one of us gets it the kids will stay with the other one and self isolate for a week.

PleaseGiveMeAShake · 16/03/2020 07:29

I have no idea how it will work.
My ex who is very unaproachable has dc ever 2 weeks for 7 hours. We live an hour appart and have the added extra is that he lives with his mum who is currently abroad somewhere where quarantine is in place
Our dc also has asthma which he doesn't believe (because it's so well controlled but it took me and our doctor a long time to get it that way while he was awol)

Thuglife · 16/03/2020 07:44

I have tried to talk to my ex about it. I have underlying health problems & am also a HCP so I’m really worried, more about bringing it home from work & infecting DD than myself though.
My ex however is a complete arse and is treating it all as some sort of big joke. I really don’t know what to do.

Twipe · 16/03/2020 07:52

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

user1483387154 · 16/03/2020 07:53

We are in lockdown and my son is staying with me until it's all over.

user1483387154 · 16/03/2020 07:56

Twink he cant do that withiout
written permission from you.
If the country is locked down they cant enter either.
If he does this before lockdown you get him charged with kidnapping your son and your son returned to you.

RuffleCrow · 16/03/2020 07:56

Yes we've discussed it. I've said he'd need to self isolate if we are, with the dcs shuttling back and forth (he's 2 mins away)

Potplant · 16/03/2020 07:59

Mine lives with his parents and has said he's not having the DCs there for the time being (fair enough). Unfortunately this means that he has to see them here, which is bad enough. My main worry is that it's a slippery slope to 'well I might as well just move back in'.

Qwerty543 · 16/03/2020 08:05

What's the issue with swapping between houses? If they're going from a house to car to house I don't get the issue.

It looks like I can work from home so in event of schools closing, DCs will stay with me. I hadn't actually thought about usual contact time with their dad though (I'm resident parent) and assumed this would carry on. But that is because of school closure, not self isolating. I'm guessing in that case they just stay with me.

Booboostwo · 16/03/2020 08:09

I am in France, we have the kids 50:50, I think a lock down is imminent within this week. Ex is moving back into my home which is large enough with a spare bedroom for him, for the duration. It's the sensible thing to do given that we don't have any other family it's the safest thing should either of us become too unwell to care for the DCs.

In a lock down situation people would not be allowed to travel by car with their DCs for drop offs. One adult per car for shopping/pharmacy only or essential workers for work. I am not sure people are quite realizing what is happening here.

Twipe · 16/03/2020 08:14

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Inapickleortwo · 16/03/2020 08:18

We've tried to have this conversation with DSD mum last week. She's not willing to discuss as thinks it's a joke. Her response was 'until there's a case in the school, I'm not worried but even then they can go back after a deep clean'. I've two autoimmune disorders and lung disease so my DP & I are quite worried especially as mum doesn't seem phased at basic hygiene without this added. DSD has said she wants to stay with us if we get locked down but can't see mum accepting her wishes either.

IndieTara · 16/03/2020 08:24

It's difficult isn't it. XH and I live 20 mins apart and he's not working whereas I'm ft. I know logically DD should stay with him but I also know she won't want to long term

Magissa · 16/03/2020 08:29

@twipe Surely under current circumstances you can get an emergency order to change that? I have no clue about these things but these are very special circumstances. Why should he be allowed to take your child to another country? So unfair on the child who it seems gets no choice. I really hope everything is OK. Do you hold the passports?

I feel so sorry for all of the parents that have these problems with exes to contend with. My exh is from another country and lives there... He didn't contribute anything financially which was so hard at the time but the benefit to me was he had no contact unless he came here.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 16/03/2020 09:27

Mines in republic of Ireland so won't be seeing him for some time, he was recently ill with pnemonia and spent 3 weeks in hospital with pockets of infection roubd his lungs so unable to fly

Luckily the dcs passports didn't arrive until last week

DisasterousManagementPlan · 16/03/2020 09:36

I haven't discussed anything. I'd assume DS will just hang out with me here. His dad is only 5 mins walk away and can work from home but he'll want to do his Important Work (in his mind - it's the same job as me, but his is more Important of course).

DS would rather be here with all his stuff.

Bobbin98 · 16/03/2020 09:48

We discussed it yesterday. Mainly to work out if he will continue getting paid and if I can rely on maintenance. They only go once a week so they will just stay with me. If I get ill the kids and I will self isolate together.

wheresthehope · 16/03/2020 09:56

I am in New Zealand so we are quite behind the amount of cases here and schools aren’t closed yet or lockdowns but I did mention to my partner about the possible situation with his daughter if it were to happen. She is in his care 50:50 but we have a 5 month old baby here full time. I said if there was a confirmed case then she will be staying at her mothers. Which her mum lives on a small farm with animals etc so she would be happier than being locked down in our small house in town.

pinkpixie83 · 16/03/2020 10:01

I have no idea what to do.

I've just two weeks ago had court papers turn up on my doorstep from him, but I really just want to keep the kids with me, and I know they would rather be with me too, bare in mind they've only just agreed to start seeing him again after a long gap.

I can't talk to him though so I just need to hope that they are with me when a lock down happens

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread