So what really is the deal with alcohol and ttc??

[tousletop]

I know the guidelines are we should have nothing and DHs can have a tiny bit only, but does it really make that much difference (given that all I want is not to give up my life completely in this tedious waiting time, and still be able to have some wine a couple of times per week......)

FFS most conceptions take place because of alcohol. Nearly all the 'advice' on drinking and pregnancy is about controlling women's behaviour and nothing to do with health at all. And FWIW at least two friends of mine, after a year or two of unsuccessful TTC, both were successful after a merry lots-of-wine dinner party and a bonk for pleasure rather than procreation.

(Just to add, don't know your background story and don't mean to be flippant if you are having a bad time TTC).

Thanks lottie, that is so reassuring.... Worst of all in this ttc thing, is everyone asking if I'm pregnant as soon as I don't have a drink....

Sorry and thanks madamez too, perhaps it's just what DH and I need, too much controlled behaviour recently...

I dont drink at all in the second 1/2 of my cycle and we limit dh's alcohol in the 1st 1/2. but we do have a history of recurrent mc. fwiw the day before i got my bfp with ds my sis and i drank 4 bottles of wine between us, and 3d before I went to a party and got so stoned and pissed that i fell asleep at the table. obv, not recommended but ttc is tough enough without putting unnecessary restrictions on yourself. having said that, if you do have a history of mc then best to avoid.

hope that makes sense

ah, see i do think that you shouldnt drink or smoke at all while pg.

There is no definitive research to suggest that mild or moderate alchol consumption in pregnancy is dangerous (aprtly because to conduct the necessary research would be deeply unethical). WOmen used to be advised to drink a pint of guinness a day (for the iron and the calories and to help the milk supply, or so it was said. Heavy drinking is not good for you anyway, and does appear to carry a risk of harm to a foetus - but even hopelessly alcoholic women do not inetivably give birth to alcohol-damaged babies.
Yes, there is some risk attached to drinking in pregnancy, just like there is some risk attached to eating soft cheese or pate - and rather more risk attached to crossing the road. Sadly you can do everything perfectly 'right' ie restrict your behaviour and put your life entirely on hold for a whole year and your baby can still be born with problems of some kind.
But the contemporary scaremongering about women and alcohol really is about controlling female behaviour in general and should be treated with suspicion.

Apparently the current guidelines for women to ahve no alcohol is due to the fact that they think that women are unable to judge units.

Just covering their backs IMO.

Just keep it sensible and you can't have any regrets.

I just have got so fed up with all the wondering and waiting for those 2 weeks, when I don't drink, sometimes avoid certain foods and then realise could have done whatever I wanted as AF appears again.... (sorry just feeling sorry for myself this morning and in the middle of another 2 week wait)

but, from a personal point of view, I'd rather adhere to the guidelines and go without (its only 9m ffs) if there is a chance (no matter how minute) that it will improve the chances of my baby arriving safe, well and healthy. if you drink in early pg and went on to mc you would forever blame that glass ofwine. you feel guilty enough already without the added knowledge that you didnt do everything in your power to keep that bean safe.

I never gave up alcohol while ttc (am about to have 2nd DS) but do limit my alcohol consumption while pregnant. I live in the Canary Islands and my midwife was completely stunned that English women are told to stay off this & that while ttc & while pregnant.

I completely understand what lissie´s saying though, especially if you are prone to miscarriage.

Tousletop - don´t apologise for feeling sorry for yourself while I was ttc DS2 that 2ww was a complete shit

i think the thing with giving up alcohol/smoking when ttc is the same as ensuring you have a healthy diet. in order to give your bean the best chance then you need to be as healthy as you can be. while a lot of pg's are conceived because of alcohol thats very different to making a conscious decision to ttc, and if you make that decision then you should at least give him/her the best possible start imho

Now you see, lissielou, I actually think this business of getting yourself into Olympic trim before having your first fck and expecting to spend the next night months in a beatific haze of self-denial is really, really bad. Not only will anyone who does this get double the shock and trauma to deal with should anything go wrong (there are no* guarantees. Birth defects and stillbirths happen no matter how 'virtuous' the mother) but the tendency with all these exaggerated warnings and shock-horror lists of behaviours to avoid for the walking womb pregnant woman mean that, if something does go wrong rather than offering help and support people start interrogating the mother and blaming her.
It's worth remembering that most babies are born healthy and unharmed even to mothers who drank more than one sip of sherry, ate at McDOnalds, smoked a cigarette or two and (in the case of one mum I know) smoked a few spliffs in early PG - because she didn;t know she was expecting.

well yes. but imagine if (god fobid) something terrible did happen. how would you feel knowing that you ignored all the advice and carried on smoking, drinking etc? when i didt know i was pg with ds i got stoned and drank my body weight in wine the night before i got my bfp. luckily it was fine, but it might not have been. and i think if you make that decision to try for a baby then the least you can do to give both of you the best chance is to make sure you are in the best health you can be.

ive had to put on weight, stop drinking caffeine, stop drinking alcohol in 2nd half of cycle so that the next time i get pg i know that i have done everything in my power, as well as to ensure my body is in the optimum condition to grow another person. granted i do have complications that most don't, but when i had ds i had no idea it would be this tough this time around and assumed that my body would just "click" but life doesnt always work like that, and fate sometimes needs a push.

Alcohol before conception can increase the risk of malformations. I was reading a good answer here yesterday.

I agree with Madamez, I got pregnant with both my ds's after alcohol was consumed - and I continued to have the odd large glass of red wine throughout both pregnancies. I gave up smoking and I tried to eat well and I was blessed with two large- gorgeous babies. Most of my friends also conceived after a heavy night out - really I wouldn't worry too much!

but thats purely anecdotal. there is plenty of evidence that drinking in pg is bad for the baby, men are told to cut down alcohol (or give up altogether) if it is taking a while to ttc because it affects sperm count, all i am saying is that if you make the decision to ttc then you should make sure that you are in the best possible condition, for the sake of the child you are trying to create.

but with each of my mc's i have blamed myself. if i hadnt carried on drinking coffee... if i hadnt had that bottle of wine on CD26... if i hadnt smoked when we went out... all im saying is that it's surely best to minimize the risk?

Also, people are so utterly witless about 'risk' these days. If something doubles your risk of, oh, I dunno, genital warts appearing on your eyeballs this might sound terrifying but if it doubles the risk from 1 in ten thousand to two in ten thousand then it really isn't a big deal.
Also, the studies about alcohol in pregancy are all inconclusive, small sample sizes etc. And the level of condemnation women face for trying to be human beings in any way is becoming worrying.