🐧 Penguin Huddle 🐧 Thread 36 - TTC after pregnancy loss

[Kiki275]

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This a safe place to give and receive support for everyone who has experienced the loss(es) of a pregnancy or baby. Pregnancy and child loss is one of the most difficult things we can experience and it can also be the most lonely time too. So many of us have found much comfort from other lovely ladies on this thread, together we're rooting for lots of BFP's! Let 2020 end on a positive note x

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[Janefx40]

Hi all. We had some devastating news yesterday. DP is basically infertile. We had a sperm DNA fragmentation test done - he's not just out of range, he has almost 0% healthy sperm. We were due to start our next round of IVF in less than a week - I'm waiting to hear from the clinic but there won't be any point starting now until we have at least tried to sort DPs sperm (which probably isn't fixable - or at least not enough for any success especially bearing in mind my age too - nearly 44).

I'm just reeling - I'm someone who likes to talk things through but DP doesn't want to and I don't feel I can tell anyone in real life.

We are lucky - we have a DD and I'm just now even more amazed at how she made it against these odds. But I don't think I will be getting a rainbow baby.

Sorry to come on and just splurge. Hope you're all looking forward to something nice at Christmas xxx

[Alittlexmasmagic]

@Janefx40 I'm sorry to hear this. He must be devastated. Would you consider using a donor? Apologies if that's insensitive of me to suggest x

[Janefx40]

@Alittlexmasmagic thank you for responding. He doesn't seem devastated - he's a very unemotional person. He just shrugged and said there's nothing he can do about it. I was trying to be supportive but he just isn't interested so we're now healthily ignoring the issue while I tell people on Mumsnet and scour the internet. But I have to give him some time to process I know. I am very quick to respond to things but he isn't.

I don't know if he'd consider a donor. We had already discussed donor eggs because of my age but decided against.

Our odds of having another weren't great anyway - I'm super aware of how old I am to have another child but equally whatever age you are you still have the same dreams of a family. It's just hard that we didn't get to start this journey until we were already so old.

Anyway thank you so much for responding. It helps

Xxx

[VenusStarr]

Oh @Janefx40 that's heartbreaking news, I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm like you, I want to explore the options and find out what is possible. I hope you do find a way forward. Saying I'm sorry to hear the news doesn't quite cut it, but I can't seem to find the right thing to say. You're in my thoughts ❤️ xx

[Slinks8113]

@Janefx40 sorry to hear your news. Is there a follow up appointment to go through the options on his side? X

[Janefx40]

@VenusStarr thank you. It does help to know there are people out there who care

@Slinks8113 thanks. I've emailed our IVF clinic so am hoping to talk to them but with it being Christmas Eve, I'm not sure when they'll get back to us

There is a leading men's fertility Dr in London. I already rang to find out about waiting lists and his next appointment is Jan 20th. I'm tempted to just make the appointment - it may be a bit premature but I'm just desperate to do something!!

[VenusStarr]

Is the specialist Professor Ramsey? I've heard he is very good. You can always cancel? I'd book it xx

[VenusStarr]

@Janefx40 forgot to tag you

[Janefx40]

@VenusStarr yes Ramsey. Ok thanks will book. Sometimes they charge you tho if you cancel!!

[Slinks8113]

Hope you hear from someone today - it's not great to be delivered that news just before everything shuts up for Christmas.
I'd go for booking the appointment too - I'm sure if you give a week or twos notice in early jan (if you find out you don't need it) you won't get charged x

[Janefx40]

Thanks folks. Have just booked the appointment - typically DP came in while I was doing it!! I just didn't want to tell him yet as he's still digesting the information. I acted weird and suspicious but he didn't hear the details.

Yes I'm sure the clinic is realising that they might prefer to give us bad news after Christmas!!

Xxx

[NeelaBlue]

Hi @Janefx40 I just wanted to say that your story sounds (sort of) similar to mine. We had one child (via IVF) when I was 40yrs (after TTC for 6 yrs) then a few failed rounds. Then after giving up on IVF, we had a miraculous natural pregnancy that sadly ended in a miscarriage in Feb 2020, then another (miraculous) natural CP in Sept.
I’m now nearly 44 too. The only thing we did differently was that my husband took Co enzyme q10.
Anyway, I wanted to say good luck to you.

[Janefx40]

Thank you @NeelaBlue I'm sorry you've also been on such a difficult journey. Hopefully there are some good things still in store for us at 44!

Merry Christmas everyone x

[Slinks8113]

Merry Christmas everyone! Hope you've had a good day x

[BellaBella36]

Happy Christmas everyone, I hope that even in our shitty circumstances you managed to find some joy yesterday.

Me and my husband have started talking about trying again and have agreed that the hell which will be the stress of TTC and the anxiety of being pregnant again, is short term compared to the long term regrets that we would have from not at least trying again.

Does anyone have any good coping strategies or recomended books for managing pregnancy related anxiety in general, or specifically the sheer panic that I think will come with being pregnant after a miscarriage?

Remember that being kind to yourselves over this time isn't all long baths with a glass of wine. Sometimes it's just managing the basics, eat properly, get fresh air, wear clean pants. Love to you all ❤️

[BellaBella36]

Hi everyone, I say this and thought of us...

[Alittlexmasmagic]

@BellaBella36 so true! The waiting for bad news is constant x

[AliceinBunniland]

I'm sorry for not posting before. This thread disappears from my I'm On and I just came across it in active threads but I should have made an effort to find you all sooner.

Hope everyone and had a nice Christmas in the circumstances. We lost a close friend suddenly in November and so we had his wife over for Christmas dinner. It was obviously a difficult Christmas for her but we had a nice day in the circumstances.

Thanks for asking after me. I'm doing well 💗

I hope everyone has a nice New Year's Eve and let's hope 2021 is the year we bring home our rainbow babies 🌈

[kim80]

@BellaBella36 I have her book saying goodbye it really got me through my missed miscarriage and made me realise that so many others are in the same position and thats what made me join this group as its so nice to hear from people who know what it feels like to be us.

I hope you all had a lovely Christmas mine resulted in af turning up late so false hope for a few days and since then I have eaten my weight in crap lol.

Hope you all have a lovely new year and hopefully a positive 2021 for us all. 🎊🎉

[kiki275]

How is everyone? Hope you're all keeping okay, sincerely hoping good things happen this year for you too xx

[Marshmallow123]

Hi everyone.

Sorry I’ve been absent on here for a little while.

I hope everyone is ok and that this year brings us all what we hope for.

[Slinks8113]

Hey guys, happy new year! I've been temping since the mmc bleeding stopped and it's just going up and down every day. No sign of ovulation or period as yet - not sure how long it takes to get back in to some form of normal cycle. Just feeling frustrated but also aware that probably isn't helping!
After a month of what can only be described as self sabotage eating and drinking since the news, we've decided to do the cliche new year new me and go for dry January and PT sessions at the gym! Hopefully that will give us a different focus and also get my body back in shape.
Feel like that was a bit of a moany post haha, sorry guys! X

[Janefx40]

Hi everyone - happy new year - let's hope it is happy anyway.

@Slinks8113 I don't think it is self-sabotage to eat comfort food after a loss! I think it is important to get through it and it can help to feel a bit spoilt. Dry January sounds good tho. I took a few months to get back to a normal cycle including having a cycle without ovulation which has never happened to me before as far as I know.

Xxx

[kim80]

@Slinks8113 don't beat yourself up about it. I had a failed erpc and had to go back and have another my first period turned up 8-9 weeks after finding out I had mmc at 11+5. I also spent the next month living on crappy food and feeling really low. I have since got my periods back and have ovulate every month by ovulation tests. Just give your body the chance to heal and try not to worry. It will work itself out again. Your body has been through so much.

Good job on new year and being fit. I am starting tomorrow back on the home work outs and eating healthy again.

Good luck 👍 x

[Marshmallow123]

Hi ladies. I hope everyone is having a good start to 2021. Fingers crossed that this is a lucky year for us all.

So today AF is due...no cramps which is unusual. However, it will only be my 2nd AF since MMC and the many procedures I had to have after that so I thought maybe the no cramps was to do with that.

Today at lunch time I caved and did a test.
I know it wasn’t FMU and it’s only the day AF is due so I wasn’t expecting to see anything to be honest.

However, there was a feint second line after 2min (pic attached).

Questions for you lovely ladies:

1. Am I seeing things or is there a second line?
   
2. Any tips for not stressing? After MMC I really want to get pregnant again but am so v scared of getting pregnant again!