🐧 Penguin Huddle 🐧 Thread 36 - TTC after pregnancy loss

[Kiki275]

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This a safe place to give and receive support for everyone who has experienced the loss(es) of a pregnancy or baby. Pregnancy and child loss is one of the most difficult things we can experience and it can also be the most lonely time too. So many of us have found much comfort from other lovely ladies on this thread, together we're rooting for lots of BFP's! Let 2020 end on a positive note x

🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧

[Janefx40]

@Mumlili9 sorry to hear that. It's always disappointing especially when AF is late.

@BellaBella36 I'm glad you have some extra time off work. I really did feel better after a few weeks. It's still hard of course but in a less overwhelming way.

@Slinks8113 good plan to let yourself eat nice food etc now. I literally walked from my scan to Morrison's and bought a trolley load of crisps, cakes and chocolate! It helps sometimes to spoil yourself a bit.

@VenusStarr that's great news about the clinic being open and available over the Xmas period. Relaxing sounds a good plan. I've never temped because I was worried it would be too intense for me (I already obsess enough as it is!).

We are CD 8. Last month of trying before we re-start IVF. We've never got pregnant naturally tho so there's no expectation of it working. Of course I'll still obsess/daydream etc nonetheless. Would love to avoid another IVF cycle!

Love to everyone. Xxx

[VenusStarr]

Morning everyone. I have been really anxious about our cytogenetic results so I emailed the hospital last week. They came back to me yesterday to say no news but they'd chase up the lab. I got a call last night to say the results had been sent to them so she wanted to let me know as I'd been so anxious. I said I know you can't tell me but I appreciate you letting me know we'll get our letter next week. She said I can tell you everything looked normal, so no genetic or chromosomal issues and the report tells you the sex. We were expecting a perfectly healthy baby boy 💔💙 feeling pretty heartbroken xx

[Alittlexmasmagic]

Hi everyone,

It's Kiki but name changed as I've joined a thread for due in Aug 21. I've already failed at remembering to change it back.
I'm so worried that they'll search my story and it'll add to new mum anxiety. Maybe I'm just overthinking it, I hope I am.

@VenusStarr all I can offer are huge virtual hugs. I can only imagine how you feel at hearing that. Please be gentle on yourself though xx

[Janefx40]

@VenusStarr sending so much love to you. Our hearts are already broken by our losses but to hear that news must be so so tough. Virtual hugs xxxx

[Janefx40]

Hi @Alittlexmasmagic @Kiki275 it's impossible to relax. Well done for joining a pregnancy group tho - it's great to try to look forwards. The worrying is totally natural. Sending lots of love x

[Alittlexmasmagic]

@Janefx40 my first MN bus group was amazing and still so supportive through my tfmr and pregnancy. They were amongst the first I told about this one.
Several Aug 21 have mentioned FB groups already and I can't bring myself to join those yet. I distinctly remember leaving the July 20 groups and felt I had to explain/apologise for leaving before I did. I can't face that just yet so sticking solely to MN for now x

[Janefx40]

@Alittlexmasmagic sounds sensible. Really glad you found the bus groups supportive. When I was pregnant with DD, I found the bus group nice but it felt like such a different experience being pregnant after IVF to conceiving naturally that I ended up spending more time on an IVF pregnancy group instead. I still have friends from that - have even met up with a couple of them in person!

Hope you find a nice gang anyway to hang out with over there! And that you will still keep us company over here too x

[kim80]

Hi all,

I have just checked the page as hadn't had any notifications on my emails and thought it had been very quiet 🤫 and now I realise I have missed so much from you ladies.

I'm currently in the two week wait which will take me to Christmas day but I'm not holding much hope 😥.

@Mumlili9 I am so sorry to hear you have covid I hope you feel better soon.

@VenusStarr sorry for bfn I hope you get your 12 days so that you can ttc again. I have all my fingers crossed for you.

@Kiki275 im so pleased for you what a lovely way to end a terrible year.

@pringlebells @Slinks8113 @BellaBella36 I am so sorry you find yourself on this thread but you will not meet any more supportive people then on this group they have all been a great help.

Hope everyone else is all OK. Im now going to try and set up my notifications again so I can keep in loop with everyone. X

[Slinks8113]

Good to hear from everyone :) update from me is that bleeding seems to have stopped a couple of days ago so we are now thinking of trying again. I have no idea when I’m due to ovulate or if I’m going to this month so I bought a temp recorder from amazon the other day and have been using that as a bit of a guide with the app it comes with. I’ve never really tracked bbt before but hopefully this will be fairly straight forward!
A few years ago, I had previously used OvuSense for a couple of months but it was a little off putting and kinda missed the spontaneity so gave up on it.
Partner was a little reluctant to have sex so we’re working through that at the moment, it is tough for the men in this situation as I think they hold back a lot more than we do. How did everyone else’s partner react to miscarriage and retrying?

[kim80]

@Slinks8113 I had a missed miscarriage in September at 11 weeks 5 days, i had to go through two Erpc as they didn't do the first one properly and had alot of retained tissue. My partner didn't handle it well at all he was very supportive but at the same time very distant, we had not planned that pregnancy at all I actually thought I was premenapausal as I had turned 40 so was a very big shock. So when I lost it I was adamant I wanted to try again but my partner was not so keen, he said he wasnt sure he could ever see me go through that again and with age against us and being happy how we were should we just let it be as we have 3 children between us but not one together, after talking it through he said he felt better we have agreed to try for only a year as I'm 41 next year and his 42 Christmas and if it doesnt happen then he will go and have the snip.

I think talking alot and I mean alot really helped as to start with he didn't want to come near me as we hadn't spoken about it properly but now we're fully ttc we have set a time frame were both happy with and are starting to enjoy life again. Im sure he will be OK just keep the communication going x

[Slinks8113]

@kim80 thanks for your reply. I do think talking is the answer as men are good at hiding their feelings.
Age is also a factor for us but on his side as he turns 50 next year and already has 3 children. I am 33 but have no children, we were both excited when I fell pregnant but have also given a bit of a time frame if it doesn’t happen again next year as he doesn’t want to be an old dad.
We were happy with our life before the pregnancy but it feels like something is missing now when we had the chance for a baby together. It’s a strange feeling.
I will keep my fingers crossed for us both that we will see some success in 2021 x x

[Herewegoagain2021]

Hello everyone, I hope that you don't mind me joining you. About 2 months ago, I had a MMC at 11weeks 6 days. Mumsnet really helped me through that.

My first period was a bit different so we decided to wait for the next one before trying again. Period is back to normal now and we plan to TTC this month.

I am really excited in some ways but in others I get very sad at the thought too. What if it goes wrong again? I am trying to stay calm and just hoping for the best. It is hard though, gone is the naivety that pregnancy=baby.

[Slinks8113]

@Herewegoagain2021 welcome and sorry to see you here also.
I am in a similar situation to you, first missed miscarriage last month and had seen the heartbeat and felt all was going to be ok. I am also really quite nervous about the chances of falling pregnant again (it took me a long time) and then the feeling of anxiety/stress if I do. I feel like I’ll be at a scan every week but even that wouldn’t reassure me as I had had multiple scans with this one.
I have read up on chances of a second miscarriage after a first and it’s positive but i feel like I wouldn’t relax until the baby actually arrived! Hopefully we can use this group to keep our anxieties at bay if we are fortunate enough to fall pregnant again.
I keep my fingers crossed for you x

[Herewegoagain2021]

Thanks, Slinks. Yes, I think that is exactly how I feel about it. I had a 10 week scan and everything was fine and then at 12 weeks there was no heartbeat. I also don't think lots of scans would help but I probably will go for them as some sort of reassurance. I will also keep my fingers crossed for you.

[Mumlili9]

Well tonight marks 12 months since I was last pregnant. Not sure what to do with myself now

[Janefx40]

@Mumlili9 I'm sorry - that is a tough anniversary. Having a baby is a long and hard journey for some of us. Hope you got some sleep and that you feel ok today.

@Herewegoagain2021 welcome and I'm sorry for your loss. I can totally understand the nerves at being pregnant again. I'm far more terrified of being pregnant now than I am of seeing a BFN. I used to be desperate for a BFP and think it would all be wonderful after that.

@Slinks8113 best of luck with the TTC and the temp recorder. Sex post miscarriage can be difficult for men as can sex on demand for TTC. Although I agree with @kim80 that talking is the answer, I can't get my DP to talk really. He's just very closed and talking nearly always just ends up with me talking and desperately trying to get him to respond and failing. I wish I could get him to open up but it just doesn't come naturally to some.

[Alittlexmasmagic]

@Mumlili9 so sorry to hear about this anniversary. With everything going on in the world, it must make for a difficult time. Keeping everything crossed for you in the new year x

[VenusStarr]

Oh @Mumlili9 I am so sorry ❤️ its really hard. Lots of love.

I hope everyone is doing OK. I'm not in a good headspace right now. Getting the news about our baby's genetic results last week has really knocked me and I'm just struggling day to day and I really miss him. Keeping my head down for a while xx

[Slinks8113]

@Janefx40 thank you. Not sure if I'm going to ovulate this month, this temperature recording is already doing my head in 🙈 I bought it as a reassurance and an indicator of things returning back to some form of normality after the miscarriage but I'm not sure if it is having the desired effect!
We've been talking about the miscarriage more as Christmas nears and also whilst we get back into ttc. We're in as good a place as we can be at the moment I guess.
How are things with you @Janefx40?
@Alittlexmasmagic all going well still? Have you booked a scan yet? X

[Slinks8113]

@VenusStarr so sorry to hear you're not in a great place right now, just give yourself the time and space you need to cry and grieve. Sending love x

[Alittlexmasmagic]

@VenusStarr huge hugs are all I can offer. Hope you can have some time to rest and look forward, he'll always be with you xx

@Slinks8113 I haven't booked anything yet scan wise, my booking in is in Jan & got an endocrinology referral, I don't trust private scans so will wait to see what the MW says. Until then it's a waiting game x

[kim80]

@Mumlili9 I am so sorry to hear this I can only imagine how you must be feeling 😔 💔 sending a big hug ❤

@janefx40 snap my partner doesnt either but it got to the point that we had a disagreement over something and finally he opened up from that we spoke for nearly 4 hours straight about everything where as before we had been guessing on how we both felt about it and since then we have been in a good place about what happened and moving forward. Just a shame we couldn't just do that to start with lol.

@VenusStarr I am so sorry to hear how your feeling please take your time and be and feel however you need to. You know where we all are when your ready. Big hugs 🤗 ❤.

Hope everyone else is ok. Im currently in tww and not hopeful at all especially when my af should be Christmas day i don't have the luck to be given that as a gift 😩

[Slinks8113]

Fingers crossed for you @kim80 x

[Alittlexmasmagic]

@kim80 I sincerely hope you're unlucky enough to not be allowed to get sloshed on Xmas day xx

[kim80]

@slinks8113 think I need more then luck lol i think if anything by how I feel af will appear early just to make sure I have a lovely Christmas 🤦‍♀️🤣🤣🤣.

@alittlexmasmagic 🤦‍♀️ got a funny feeling i will be drinking alot lol 😆 x