🐧 Penguin Huddle 🐧 Thread 36 - TTC after pregnancy loss

[Kiki275]

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This a safe place to give and receive support for everyone who has experienced the loss(es) of a pregnancy or baby. Pregnancy and child loss is one of the most difficult things we can experience and it can also be the most lonely time too. So many of us have found much comfort from other lovely ladies on this thread, together we're rooting for lots of BFP's! Let 2020 end on a positive note x

🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧

[CharWils]

Sorry it was @EssentialHummus who pointed me here, I got the 2 names muddled up on my own thread! Xx

[Kiki275]

@CharWils I'm so sorry to hear that. 28wks must have been the most horrendous shock and to be on your own too is simply awful.
I used the PreMom app as well as the easy@home test strips and found it to be helpful, if only to have something to concentrate on. I'm 30wks now, having lost my twins at 22wks and can honestly agree with everything you are feeling... desperate but petrified.
It'll be an absolute rollercoaster but I'm keeping everything crossed for you for your rainbow baby xx

[Aurora2264]

Hi all, Im so sorry to read of everyone’s losses . I hope it’s ok to join here, I found this group while I was searching the internet for stories of others going through miscarriage.
I had a D&C last week at 11 weeks pregnant and am currently completely overwhelmed by the loneliness and isolation of loss.
I had seen this little baby moving on ultrasound and with a strong heartbeat at 10 weeks, and just 4 days later had my first appointment with my OB, and the second he put the ultrasound probe on my belly I knew , there was no longer the beautiful flickering of a little heart, baby was so still.
I had absolutely no sign that anything was wrong, zero spotting , still had bad morning sickness and very sore boobs. I chose the D&C because I couldn’t bare to be feeling so pregnant while knowing my baby had died.

I’ve had two miscarriages in the past but for both the first sign was bleeding and they passed naturally .
It took 3 years to conceive this baby, I am overwhelmed with despair, and feeling like a bitter, twisted version of myself. One of my close friends was already pregnant and due 2 months before I would have been, and another close friend just announced her pregnancy this past weekend, and she will be due a few weeks after I would have been.
I feel bitter, jealous, Hateful.
Not only because my baby is gone, but also because not one of my close friends has ever experienced a miscarriage- nor with infertility or trouble conceiving- and therefore the way they view early pregnancy is completely different to me. For them, a positive pregnancy test is a definite certainty that they will be bringing a new baby home in a few months time- because for them, it always has been.
They are excited, telling their older kids immediately, announcing the pregnancy , lamenting over how they will be heavily pregnant and uncomfortable through the summer months. Buying baby clothes.
I’m jealous of their happiness and certainty- all of that has been stripped away for me by miscarriages, first trimester is a terrifying, anxious, on edge time where I can’t look any further forward than a few days at most , where every toilet trip is terrifying, expecting to see blood.

It’s a totally different experience . And now grieving this baby while they excitedly plan for theirs, I just feel really lonely , feeling like a bitter mean little person, desperate to be pregnant again but despairing that it will never happen or just end in loss again.

[CharWils]

Thankyou @Kiki275

So reassuring that you are pregnant with your rainbow after the loss of your twins, sorry to hear of your loss.

Hoping ovulation for me is imminent!

[Kiki275]

Hi,
Just checking in to see how everyone is?
x

[Mumlili9]

Hello just checking in to say hello. @VenusStarr how are things going.
I'm just starting my diet and healthy living this week, after 9 miscarriages I have comfort eaten myself into a very unhealth place.

[Mumlili9]

@CharWils and @Aurora2264 welcome and I'm so sorry for your losses. Hope you find this thread helpful.
I'm currently cd5 so still hopeful for this cycle.

[LeeTTCRainbow]

Hi i hope you don't mind me joining,

Little bit about my ttc journey, i am 27 fiancé 28 getting married in august, been ttc for 11 months now.

Unfortunately had a missed miscarriage end of January at 12.5 weeks found via our scan. due to blood loss and complications a D&C was required. took forever for my AF to arrive back.
Amazingly end of march found out was expecting again but sadly naturally miscarried a 6 weeks.
Been trying since and had no luck just negatives and AF making a appearance with a vengeance, has anyone been through a miscarriage and had worse periods since??, I'm so much heavier and cramps kill.

Due for ovulation this weekend been tracking and line is getting darker so hopefully my peak will be 11th/12th really hope July is our month, my due date for first pregnancy is end of month so getting my BFP will really help me get through it.

Good luck sending baby dust to all.

[Mumlili9]

@LeeTTCRainbow sorry for your loss and welcome to the thread. It used to be very active but most ladies have got there rainbow babies and have moved on.

@VenusStarr hows things going for you x

[LeeTTCRainbow]

@Mumlili9 thanks so much, are you ttc or pregnant yourself? X

[Mumlili9]

@LeeTTCRainbow still trying nearly 3 1/2 years now. Last pregnancy was ectopic in Feb 2020 . Unfortunately I lost my left tube and the surgeon put two holes in my uterus. I've never fallen pregnant since. Tried every month, im ovulating like clock work but no baby yet. It sounds like you might have to ask for a hysteroscopy to check for scar tissue after the d & c. Sometimes it can cause trauma to the lining of your uterus. But I have heard that some ladies take a while to settle down after miscarriage. My periods have become very light and short since my ectopic and according to blood tests my estrogen is very low indicating that my ovaries aren't functioning properly. This ttc stuff is so hard. Advocate for yourself and ask for help from your GP if you feel you need it.

[Kiki275]

@LeeTTCRainbow so sorry you find yourself here. I agree with @Mumlili9 that it's always worth getting the gp or similar involved. I got a call with a nurse practitioner who was extremely sympathetic and helpful. My periods altered after my loss and my cycle would not settle. I was offered blood tests to check for hormones, which I did just to feel like I was doing something. Turns out it was potentially my thyroid causing problems but religious OPKing helped my get the BFP I needed x

[VenusStarr]

Hi @Mumlili9 thanks for asking. Not much going on for me, I'm having additional tests before we plan a frozen embryo transfer so just in my tww (not ttc) and hopefully can do them next cycle. Part of me is hoping they find something but then I'll need treatment before the transfer which will push it back even further. Just feeling fed up, I know you get it, we've both been ttc for a similar time now. Hope you're well.

Hope you're @Kiki275 xx

[Mumlili9]

@VenusStarr hi sorry your still battling away. We have been at this for a long time now we're practically veterans. I've had all the tests they can't find anything. I'm just hoping for the very best but preparing for the very worst. I believe you will get your rainbow hun xx

[LeeTTCRainbow]

Af arrived for me Monday, has anyone had such bad period cramps that it’s made you sick my cramps have been horrid so painful made me sick all day and then yesterday as I wiped I found a 2 pound coin size fleshy lump and today cramps are really bad again but light bleeding? Anyone gone through similar? Had to call my gp as never had this before and cramps are like when I miscarried the second time.

[JemRose]

Just got this today at 10dpo. Terrified already, I had a chemical 2 months ago which started out looking like this and got fainter every day until AF arrived. MMC last year at 12 wx. Hoping with all my heart that this time it's finally my turn.

[InDreamland]

@JemRose tentative congratulations! Keeping my fx this is your rainbow. I get a warm and fuzzy feeling seeing a BFP in the Penguin group 🐧

@Mumlili9 @VenusStarr how are you both doing? I still think of you both and hope you will get your rainbow.

[Mumlili9]

@LeeTTCRainbow sound like you had some retained tissue. Hopefully it will all come away now. If anything starts to smell funny or your worried at all contact your doctor. Sorry for your losses.

[Mumlili9]

@JemRose fingers crossed 🤞 for a sticky little bean congratulations xx

[Mumlili9]

@InDreamland hi hun nice to hear from you.
Well im still struggling 😪 on. It's been 18 months since my ectopic and now it seems I'm not ovulating so I've got an appointment with the doctor to discuss some chemical help. I think if I'm honest is the end of the road for me im 40 next month so maybe im entering menopause now. It totally my own fault I shouldn't have left it so late. X how are you ?

[InDreamland]

@Mumlili9 so sorry you're still here and struggling. I hope the doctor can help with the ovulating, will you try clomid do you think? I remember being given a course by the gynaecologist at the NHS fertility clinic. Really hope it is not menopause for you, that would be very young to go through it. I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for you to get your rainbow. I was 39 when I finally got my rainbow, exactly 4 weeks before I turned 40. So hoping you will have the same good fortune. People do have babies in their 40s and you could be one of them. Please don't blame yourself for leaving things late, I don't think you did, you just started when things were right for you x

[Squiff70]

Hello. I'm back. I haven't RTFT but I see some familiar names.

[Mumlili9]

@Squiff70 hello lovely how are you?

[Squiff70]

Hi @Mumlili9! Battered and broken but somehow surviving. How are you?

[Mumlili9]

@Squiff70 about the same as you. Im still trying but DH is just not bothered any more, we no longer talk about trying and he's now talking about all the things like pensions, retirement and moving to a bungalow. It's sad im still thinking of raising a family and hes on the wind down. Tbf he's 9 years older than me and I'm 40 next month.