🐧 Penguin Huddle 🐧 Thread 36 - TTC after pregnancy loss

[Kiki275]

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This a safe place to give and receive support for everyone who has experienced the loss(es) of a pregnancy or baby. Pregnancy and child loss is one of the most difficult things we can experience and it can also be the most lonely time too. So many of us have found much comfort from other lovely ladies on this thread, together we're rooting for lots of BFP's! Let 2020 end on a positive note x

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Thanks ladies x

@Mumlili9 I hope it goes well. Is a HSG checking/cleaning your tubes? My SIL had it recently and was fine with the procedure but was very crampy afterwards. Make sure you've plenty of pain meds in for after. I'm keeping everything crossed for a successful outcome for you.xx

@VenusStarr that's really promising news. I really hope you get a good half dozen or so viable embryos although I know it's a bit of a lottery xx

Thanks @Kiki275 I have a top quality embryo on board - it was hatching 🥰 we have 2 good quality blastocysts in the freezer too. Feel very lucky that we had 3 fertilise and all 3 made it. We're not used to good things happening, so I'm making the most of it. Hope you're well.

Best wishes for your hsg @Mumlili9 I hope you get some answers xx

@VenusStarr that's brilliant news!! Keeping everything crossed for you x

I'm still lurking ladies and just wanted to pop on quickly.

@Mumlili9 keeping fingers and toes crossed for you that the HSG helps with some answers and hopefully is a step towards getting your rainbow.

@VenusStarr what lovely news that you have 3 successful fertilisations. I really hope they're your rainbow(s).

@VenusStarr that's amazing news hun fingers crossed this is a very bright 🌈 coloured future xx

Thank you @Mumlili9 @InDreamland @Kiki275 🙏 ❤️ 🌈 xx

Feeling particularly down today. A close friend of mine is pregnant and has just announced it to all our friends. She's 8 weeks. I miscarried last year at 14 weeks, and just had a chemical pregnancy on my last cycle. It's been over a year since we started trying. I'm just feeling overwhelmed with jealously, guilt, and complete devastation that it's not me who's pregnant. I honestly don't have any friends around me who have experienced miscarriage, or even had a hard time getting pregnant. It feels like everyone has gotten pregnant instantly and had healthy babies, and no one really understands how devastating involuntary childlessness is. Everyone seems to have forgotten that I was once the one excitedly announcing my pregnancy.
I feel like I'm just going through the motions of going to work, eating meals, getting by day to day, when actually it all feels pretty pointless when I'd much rather be looking after my baby. I wish I'd got to hold them.
Sorry to rant, just finding it especially hard today.

I'm sorry you're having a difficult time at the moment @JemRose I find it can be overwhelming and so isolating at times ❤️ I think when others seem to have no issues and see quite carefree and certain they'll bring their baby home, it's so hard to relate to.
I think recurrent losses are so hard because life just feels on hold. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself to be OK xx

Best wishes for your hsg tomorrow @Mumlili9 xx

@VenusStarr thanks. It's just typical that I felt ovulation on my good side today, another opportunity missed, story of my life. Im so nervous about tomorrow.
@JemRose I know that feeling so very very well. It's been 15 months since my ectopic and I feel so hopeless now, life just seems to be get up work sleep , I've lost all joy of life.

I think mine was just after ovulation too @Mumlili9. Hopefully it gives you done answers. The doctor told me straight away what they'd seen, so if they don't, please ask rather than wait for a follow up appointment. Good luck 🍀 xx

@VenusStarr omg that was the most painful experience yet. They couldn't get all the die in. They told me my remaining tube was open and that my uterus was small. But they said they couldn't see any reason as to why I can conceive, so it's back to the drawing board.

I'm sorry it was painful @Mumlili9 ❤️ it's not one I'd want to repeat. It's good news the dye went through. I don't want to give false hope, but I did conceive within 2 cycles after mine.
Have you got any other investigations coming up? X

@VenusStarr no I've nothing else this was the last one. So I'm a little left floating in limbo now. How are you getting on. When do you test?

I'm sorry you're in limbo, I hope your specialist suggests some ways forward for you.
I'm doing OK, I've got a blood test on early next week. I'm quite enjoying being in this phase and don't want to test, would prefer to wait a bit longer to be honest xx

Hi, just to update, I've been in limbo all week, as I started bleeding before test day and initially it looked like my cycle had failed but I tested a faint positive earlier this week, my beta bloods were low but tripled, so we had some hope, but I've tested today and my lines have faded, so it's looking like my 5th loss 💔 got another blood test on Monday but my hope has gone.

I hope everyone is getting on better than me @Mumlili9 @Kiki275 @kim80 xx

@VenusStarr oh hun im so sorry. It really is shit isn't it. Have you spoken to the clinic yet.

I wont know is the HSG has done anything until next cycle starts but im still getting cramps from the test.

We'll get a review booked in @Mumlili9 I think it tried to implant too late, and I had a big bleed that I thought was my period. So we do need to try and understand what happened. I've already got a review with my miscarriage specialist - from what I've heard of others who are under him, it's really unusual to miscarry on his plan - I'm literally on everything. I'm holding on to the fact that we have 2 frosties. I think maybe the embryo had chromosome issues and that's why implantation was delayed.
On the one hand, the fact that we rid achieve implantation is good but it's ended in my 5th loss and I just can't process that. We've got a counselling session next week. And to confuse things, I had fertile cm today and feel like my ovaries are waking up. I'm just tired of this.

I'm sorry you're still getting cramps from the hsg. Hopefully the hsg might have cleaned things through for you xx ❤️

@VenusStarr I'm sorry to hear you e had another loss, it must be soul destroying. Still hope yet though xx

@Mumlili9 how long until your next cycle?x

@Kiki275 it 10 dpo for me right now so Thursday should be cd1. But ovulation is badly timed for the new cycle we are but working and won't see each other for the whole week. 😕 it seems the universe is against us no matter what we do

@VenusStarr I really hope he can figure out what went wrong. Will you try naturally as your getting fertile cm. I've got everything crossed for you xx

@Mumlili9 that's really unlucky. Could you try self-insemination just for this cycle? Appreciate that's a whole layer of extra faff that you might not want to take on though x

@kiki275 no its like literally not going to see each other by like 12 hours apart. Don't think they would survive that long. How are you anyway

@Mumlili9 I thought it could survive days! Just had a quick google and it can, even at room temperature so 12 hours should be completely doable... a nice little gift to come home to. Just an option x

I'm okay thanks although because it's my 2nd baby, I'm not having as many MW appointments as my first and nowhere near as many as the twins. It just feels like a long waiting game. There's no reason to think anything is wrong but I can't help having that niggling little worry x

@kiki275 that's understandable hun. I would be manic all the time lol. I would be booking private scan every week . Good that everything seems healthy and well

Hi all,

Hope you don't mind me joining, @LaurenNH pointed me in this direction.

I am 34 and have been on either the pill or implant since I was 17/18 which for me prevented periods apart from the occasional spotting.

I came off in June/July last year and my periods came back almost instantly bang on about 30 days. I was using BBT and OPKs. I didn't get a peak until the start of October after my 2nd period and found out on the 17th October (approx 12 DPO) that we were pregnant.

Unfortunately our Son Jack was recently stillborn at 28+3 on the 3rd April this year. We found out his heart had stopped (me on my own, thanks covid) at exactly 28. I noticed reduced movements and went in for monitoring.

All previous scans and the whole pregnancy was textbook and although we are waiting for one more result back from placenta tests it's 99% certain that our boys heart just stopped and there was no reason.

I have now recently finished my 2nd period since our loss and we are going to TTC again this cycle.

I am using the Premom app as didn't use that before so don't find it triggering and will just be using OPKs initially and seeing how I get on.

I am desperate to fall pregnant but also petrified.

Sending you all lots of love and strength xx