🐧 Penguin Huddle 🐧 Thread 36 - TTC after pregnancy loss

[Kiki275]

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This a safe place to give and receive support for everyone who has experienced the loss(es) of a pregnancy or baby. Pregnancy and child loss is one of the most difficult things we can experience and it can also be the most lonely time too. So many of us have found much comfort from other lovely ladies on this thread, together we're rooting for lots of BFP's! Let 2020 end on a positive note x

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@Kiki275 that is interesting. I dont feel I have any menopausal symptoms. My most recent AMH test says 6.2 pmol with is low/ normal apparently but not menopausal low. Im so 😕 confused.

@VenusStarr how are things going hun xx

My amh is 5.5 @Mumlili9, it dropped from 9.5 in less than 6 months. I've read loads of stuff about it and it's not a definitive indicator of fertility, it's more about responding to ivf drugs and even then, some clinics aren't that fussed about it. So I wouldn't be overly concerned if all your other hormone tests are within range.

I'm better than I was, last week was so stressful, but I triggered ovulation over the weekend, I have 3 good follicles. Started my steroids this morning, so now we wait. We've got our ivf consultation in less than 2 weeks, so all I know is we have it our best shot.

I tried to post over the weekend, but it was having none of it, but my orchid bud opened over the weekend! That's always given me hope 🌈 ❤️

Thinking of you all @kim80 @Kiki275 xx

@VenusStarr hope that consultation goes well. How are you feeling generally. The orchid is a really hope booster, mine hasn't even a stem yet so not hopeful mine will thrive this year

Thank you @Mumlili9 I'm ready to let the clinic take over for a while. I'm finding all the tracking and getting my hopes up exhausting. Even though I know we're in with a really good chance this month, I don't feel hopeful, I thought nk I'm just realistic and a little bit numb to it all now. I feel like dh and I are coming to the end of this ttc naturally journey and although it makes me sad, I think it might be a good thing that we can explore other options to become parents.

The orchid this time surprised us, we got a new shoot and it just started rapidly growing and we got the first buds quickly, so yours might surprise you too 🍀 🌈

Hope you're well @kim80 and @Kiki275 xx

Hi ladies hope your ok im sorry I've been so quite its not been a great time again I dont understand my body at all. I'm 3 weeks now tomorrow since having the procedure which was a good experience compared to the previous two eprc's, consultant was amazing and scanned me after to prove he had got everything which he did, but since then I am getting constantly positive pregnancy tests. No bleeding so all back to normal but 3 weeks on and still very clear even to the point I took one this afternoon and it was still positive, so I'm back in again tomorrow for bloods now and keep being told I'm a mystery and is there any chance that I could have fell again since the procedure 🤦🏼‍♀️ they have no idea what's going on but I know im frustrated and angry that it's been a month now since I was told no heartbeat but still my body thinks its pregnant, I just need closure and to move on.

@kiki275 @VenusStarr @Mumlili9 thank you for all the mentions and thoughts I do apologise for not replying. Thinking of you all and hoping the best for you all. ❤ xxx

Don't feel you have to apologise @kim80 I'm sorry you're still in limbo. I hope you get some answers soon. I'll be thinking of you 💜 xx

@VenusStarr thank you just got back from hosptial for bloods so fingers crossed in the next few hours they will phone and say that its going down slowly.

Really hope the clinic can help you and you get the support you need. It's tough ttc not sure the men realise how tough it is monitoring every change in your body. Please don't give up yet, you never know what's round the corner. 😊 xxx

Fingers crossed for you @kim80 and thank you, I think it is taking its toll now, but you're right we never know what's going to happen 🙂 xx

@kim80 definitely no need to apologise! I hope they get to the bottom of it soon. I can only imagine the heartache its continuing to cause for you xx

Aww ladies @VenusStarr @Kiki275 @kim80

Why is it never simple for us. Wish we could all just get our rainbows heaven knows we've been through hell so far. Im now having a billion new tests done as they have now decided that im not menopausal but they don't know what is wrong. Not sure I can take anymore

Hi ladies well I got my results hcg is still over 100 so got to go back tomorrow to see if they are coming down or rising 🤦🏼‍♀️ they have no idea why they are dropping so slowly so it just continues for me.

@Kiki275 thank you you have all been so supportive its just been a really tough year as it has for all of us.

@VenusStarr at least letting the clinic support its full of professionals so hopefully this will give you extra information and ideas, they did offer to look into it further why I keep having miscarriages but I declined the tests as iv decided I'm completely done now and will just continue to follow you lovely ladies and hope that you all get your rainbow babies, I look forward to the journey with you all.

@Mumlili9 that's really positive then so all is working OK and not heading into the menopause. That's brilliant news fingers crossed for the on going tests. Xx

I'm sorry this is dragging out for you @kim80 I hope tomorrow shows it is coming down. Thank you for sticking around with us ❤️

@Mumlili9 sorry you've got more tests to do, but good news that you're not menopausal, I hope you can get some answers.

One week until our ivf appointment, not sure how I feel about it, cautiously optimistic I think, but also just a bit worn out by it all.

Sending love 💜 xx

Hi ladies,
20 week scan done and all is well. I'm so relieved 🥰
@VenusStarr is your appointment tomorrow?
@kim80 how are your HCG levels now, I hope it's going in the right direction.
@Mumlili9 also hope you're getting some informative results back
xx

Really pleased all went with with your 20week scan @Kiki275 🥰

Thank you for thinking of me, it was today. It went well and they're happy for my immune treatment to be included in my protocol. I've got a nurse appointment in a couple of weeks to learn how to inject myself! And find out the specifics of the protocol. All being well, we'll start mid-May. I'm looking forward to a month off ttc! I feel I really need the break now.

I hope everyone is getting on well xx

How are you ladies all getting on ? @Kiki275 @VenusStarr @kim80

So glad all went well with your 20 week scan @kiki275 .

Sorry to hear @Mumlili9 about the tests 😔.

My hcg finally returned to 0 3-4 weeks after and I got my period 🙌. My partner had now had the snip and I feel really good actually.

@VenusStarr so glad it went well for you.

I'm glad things have settled for you @kim80 ❤️

How are you @Mumlili9? Have you had any more tests?

Hope you're well @Kiki275

I'm good, just waiting for af and then I can start on cd2, hopefully sometime next week. Just waiting for my meds delivery. I am having a biopsy on Thursday and hoping that will help with implantation. Due to my low amh, we aren't expecting big numbers and I'm preparing myself for a day 3 transfer if we get that far 🙏 I'm flitting between hopeful and it's not going to work xx

Hey there, it's been a few months since anyone has posted on this thread, how is everyone doing? I hope some of you have experienced some success /happiness /positivity on your journeys.

I'm a missed miscarriage survivor, 8 months since loosing my first pregnancy at 12 weeks, diagnosed in scan. It was a surprise pregnancy as I have some fertility issues (PCOS). DH and I were devastated to loose the baby as we'd started to plan our lives around them already. I was ready to try again basically straight away after the loss, but DH point blank refused, no explanation. I was so heartbroken by this and our relationship really suffered at the time. its been a slow crawl back into us being happy again, and now DH wants to try again. The problem is, I have this horrible feeling of distrust. He changed his mind about having a baby last time when I really needed us to carry on with the plan, more than I've every needed/wanted anything ever in my life. Letting go of TTC was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Even hard than the loss.

No idea how to move forward with this. I really desperately want a baby but I felt so let down when he backed out last year after the miscarriage. I don't know how to trust him again.

Any thoughts welcome.

Thank you so much for reading xxx

@JemRose I'm so sorry you find yourself here. I can't answer for your DH put I can put across the viewpoint of my own as it may be similar.
When we lost our boys at 22 wks my DH was also reluctant to try again. He'd watched me go through a difficult pregnancy, surgery and finally loss. All the while (he felt like) he just sat and watched. He felt helpless. He didn't want me to put myself through it again when there was no certainty of a good outcome. It can be hard for them to admit this when their only role seems to be "the strong one".
We're 23wks now and touch wood everything has gone smoothly this time, neither of us will rest easy until baby is in this world xx

@JemRose we have also been their too. I having lots of test right now to try and figure out why first I couldn't carrying kept losing and now why I can fall pregnant at all. My husband explained that he felt responsible for my pain but it took a long time for him to admit it and we had issues where he couldn't finish and where he wouldn't try either. I think its something you both really need to talk about before you move forward

Well ladies im having a HSG on 26th, really quite scared tbh.

@VenusStarr hows things going?
@ @Kiki275 @kim80 @Jadem83 how are you ladies

Hi @Mumlili9 I had an hsg, I'm glad you're doing it. I won't lie, it wasn't the best experience, but they do look after you. I had a nurse holding my hand throughout. I hope you get some answers ❤️

I'm OK, done my ivf stimulation and had egg collection today. So hopefully I'll on track for transfer later this week. Hoping we get a couple of embryos 🤞

Hope you're OK @Kiki275 @kim80 and everyone else xx

@VenusStarr fingers crossed for a little sticky bean. Was it very painful. I've been told that it hurts more if you only have one tube. I'm pinning everything on this test tbh. I thought a few months ago that I had started to accept a childless future but I just can't let it go. Due to my age, finances and religion ivf is out for us so this test means everything. If my tube is clear I don't know how I will cope. Is it bad hoping that they find something, so they can fix me.

@Mumlili9 it was just a shock when they started, a very intense pressure - didn't feel like period pain to me, although some people say it is. But as soon as they finished the procedure I just had mild cramping, like a period which lasted a couple of days, but definitely manageable.

I know exactly what you mean by wanting answers - I hope it is not painful and you find out some more information.

I'm not ready to accept a childless future either ❤️❤️ this journey is so hard and lonely at times, but you're not alone xx

@Mumlili9 I hope it all goes well and that it leads you to some more helpful information . I’ve no personal experience of the procedure but really do hope it’s as comfortable as possible as no where near as bad as you might imagine it to be 💕 . I’m doing ok thanks . No real update to share here , still quietly trying and hoping for a happy ending for everyone on here . Been trying hard to keep myself distracted with other things and no longer allow ttc to consume my every thought but as we all know that can be easier said than done . Please do let us know how you get on . Will be thinking of you on the 26th x