Sod the elections we want erections! We're hoping our miroids will deposit their seed in our lady gardens, and we'll all end up growing giblets. Come and join us on our magical new bedsheets, it's Jus

[Niffertiti]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 45 is <a class="break-all" href="//" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">[[http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2367307-It-is-the-goat-jazz-we-seek-but-the-twee-monitors-have-too-much-opinion-on-getting-between-the-sheets-sexpests-writing-notes-we-may-be-but-at-least-the-bins-go-out-Were-all-praying-our-uterus-won</a> HERE ]]

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">[[http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2368193-Wed-rather-have-a-finger-than-a-funnel-whilst-eating-our-bodyweight-in-Raspberry-Magnums-to-ease-the-fanny-daggers-keep-growing-those-babies-viroids-its-JS-Grads-no-27</a> HERE ]]

The current Mumming Fred is HERE

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is HERE

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found HERE

Stats sheet is HERE

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Morning everyone :) and hi egog

not sure what all i have to catch up on lol

Boooo pretzel, did u dtd recently though? Jizz stays for awhile!

Hello!
How did the house move go lil?

Lil I reckon you missed a trick by not inviting Ga round to clean for you! Win win!

Watching "Sarah Beanie's double your house". There's a family moving in with three generations... But the youngest are a married couple! Imagine living with you in laws AND their parents. Awful!

Haha well we are considerinbiying a house with my grandparents next year honey ;) although they spend most of their time out of the country so it's not that much of a problem haha

That's different... These will all be living there full time! I think I would die. My parents etc less so but I would still commit murder relatively quickly!

honey i actually couldnt cope. My mum stayed last night, thats more than enough!

Ha ha! Mum might end up staying with us a few nights a week for a few months, as they are moving away to retire but might not be able to time it perfectly. We live near her work so have offered a spare bedroom to her until she retires.

I can cope with that, and hopefully will have a newborn by then so it could be perfect!

Honey I know what you mean... I get on with my family, but I'm not sure we would if we all lived in a big house together!

Pretzel That's frustrating. We dtd yesterday but I'm pretty convinced that DH faked it because he wanted to go to sleep. I didn't want to start a row by asking too much though... so I'll live in the hope that I just didn't leak even 1 drop.

Feeling a bit overwhelmed this month. I think if we don't have any luck I might try temping... it just sounds like so much effort considering loads of people just get pregnant accidentally.

Thanks sarah and sunshine. It's so frustrating isn't it! I feel like I have to pretend it's ok because piling on more pressure is never going to help but it's tough when realistically I know there's a small window when I'm likely to get upduffed.

Icing today it seems. Dtd three days ago and four days ago. Just managed to sneak another one in and there's jizz! Currently laying with my knees to my chest trying to keep the fuckers in while DP makes me a cup of tea.

Also wonder how the hell people manage to get pg accidentally, but like someone said on a previous Fred, that's nothing to wish for either in the wrong circumstances...

Gosh! I need to get out more! Just seen my two neighbours, who are both heavily pregnant. How did I not know?! They are both lovely, but I'm a bit ashamed of myself for being so oblivious!

Gosh honey you're surrounded, hopefully it's catching!

In awe of anyone who can spend more than a day with their parents without wanting to run as fast as possible in the opposite direction.

Congrats Valancy!

Feathered I hope spotting stays away, might have been just a breakthrough bleed.

Welcome egog!

Glad to hear house move went well lil, welcome back, we missed you

sarah massive HOOYAH for you!

pretzel yay for jizz!

I go back to see my family a couple times a year, and I want to throw something heavy at my mum about 50 times a day. We lived with our PILs a couple years ago for a few months while saving for a deposit, and it was lovely! Wouldn't want to do it longer than that though.

AF buggered off but no shag yesterday. There should be one today... I'm desperately trying not to count CDs but my brain has already betrayed me and calculated I should be icing over the weekend or early next week. Which is good timing. We shall see in 3 weeks!

honey my mum was staying as they've moved house but she doesnt start her new job for a few weeks yet, looks like she's going to be staying a few more nights in the next few weeks. sounds like that could be ideal for you though! my neighbour has just had a baby and i only noticed because i saw the tiny clothes on the washing line! (i did know she was pregnant though)

pretzel yup once you start thinking about it, it is a wonder how people get pregnant accidently...must just be good/bad luck i suppose!

carrot i know i know haha Saturday would (according to my app) be 12dpo, is that ok? haha i've bought the first response ones which should be here Friday/Saturday so if they're not here until Saturday i'll just wait until Sunday/Monday!

Sarah, this will probably be a bit long, and not something you want to hear, but since you asked...

Saturday would (according to my app) be 12dpo, is that ok? - no, it's not ok. If AF is due on Monday, POAS on Tuesday at earliest. Here's why:

1. Seeing that BFN is very disappointing to put it mildly. I don't buy all that "I just want to know" BS because you won't. If you get a BFN you will still think "oh but it's still early/I'm not out until AF is here/my pee was too dilute/the stick was at wrong angle", etc. You will still be non the wiser and nurse that little glimmer of hope, and once AF arrives you get another disappointment.

1. If in fact it's a BFP, it will still be there 2, 3, 6 days later. You will not become any less pregnant. If anything, you will be sure it's not a cp since AF did not arrive.

1. I don't know any statistics on chemical pregnancies, but they do happen. It's a personal choice but I'd rather not know that I was pg in first place and just assume AF arrived as usual than get that BFP, get all excited and then AF still arrives. It's soul destroying.

I'm sorry if my post looks patronising, but it comes from someone who's been TTCing for a while. Of course it's just my personal opinion, and you are free to do whatever you want. I sincerely wish you don't have to wait for your BFP too long. But in case this journey takes a bit longer for you, please don't set yourself for all these disappointments

carrot good advice for all of us there I reckon. to you and sarah too!

I can vouch for carrots point 3. With me AF was late, I tested every day twice for the next 3 days. Finally got a squinter so faint I wasn't entirely sure it was there at first. 3 hours later cramps and bleeding started. The next day in morning daylight I could definitely see a faint line. I know its a bit of a different situation but I was so heartbroken that this time I think I will put off testing!

Echo what carrot said. If AF is due mon I would personally wait.

Something terrible happened today ladies. I lost my steel bladder! I had to pee 3 times in quick succession! (For those who don't know I had an ability to hold my pee for around 8-10 hours sometimes a lot longer).

Sad times.

Haha jelly it's all downhill from here. Pee when you cough. Pee when you sneeze. Pee when you laugh. Pee when you move. Pee when you blink....

Pee when you sneeze? Check!

Carrot can you save that post so we can put it in the OP for future reference?

You do realise we are all on our way to being crazy cat ladies. Smelling of wee is one of the final stages. Next it will be matching twin sets and nude tights

I am wearing nude tights!

No twin set though, thank God. But am crocheting a blanket with a cat on my lap....

Oh dear.

OK, almost had a fit just then. One of the little "channel trails" on food network... You know, where they flash up the channel logo in case you've forgotten how pathetic you are? It showed egg and soldiers. That's OK. But when they dunked the soldier they spilt yolk EVERYWHERE! What the help is the point of boiled egg if you spill the yolk?! Argh!

And now your exhibiting the crazy side of crazy cat lady h