Angels and Rainbows - remembering our angels and praying for rainbows (thread2)

[townsender]

Time for a new thread, a sad welcome to any newcomers.

Introducing myself:
Name: Town?
Age: 34
Angel: DD 'G' born Feb14 at 27w by EMCS, lived 12 days (oxygen starvation at birth due to cord prolapse)?
Other DC: none?
TTC/Rainbow: TTC since Nov14, currently incubating a pea

vicky so sorry to hear about the placenta complication and the infection - hopefully they can clear it up (the infection) with antibiotics? And they will be watching you like a hawk this time, I hope, so you'll be in safe hands - they spent ages looking at the cord insertion at my 20 week scan as that was what ruptured and caused my son's death last time - so I bet you'll be really really carefully watched. Tightest of hugs and so sorry you have this extra worry.

ducky you did make me smile with the dogs conversation, that is so funny! Your friend sounds great. Strong painkillers are wonderful things, I remember my DH joking that he could have done with some too after J was born! They guessed 2lbs 13 oz at 28 weeks - apparently it's 76th percentile? I don't have gestational diabetes and I'm pretty short, but the men on DH's side of the family are all 6 feet or more. DH is calling him our 'giant monster baby'!

winter I reminisce with DH a lot about the aftermath of J's delivery - I guess he can't talk to anyone else about it so it's nice in a weird way - it was so awful, and afterwards we were just clinging to each other in this twilight zone of terribleness, but I also remember laughing hysterically a lot (painful on the c section stitches!). I guess your body just goes into shock and humour helps you cope with the horror of it, it's like you've been hit by a truck emotionally and physically.

Kayleigh so sorry about the aspirin, I would have thought a painkiller helped with migraines, talk about adding insult to injury! Hope the midwife can help.

mademoiselle been absent for bloody ages haven't i.. Sorry..
Tried dipping my toe in an antenatal thread again a few weeks ago but it's so hard - I soooo want to be a part of a group again though :(

Also agree with an antenatal thread..good idea.

critter lovely that you're able to reminisce together.. :) It's odd how there are funny memories but you're right in that the body just goes into shock.. Me & DH weren't in a brilliant place when DD died (he had depression for a while before hand & then her death obvs didn't help) so it was a very lonely time for me/us.. Thankfully he's on meds now & we're 100% in a less shitty place than last July..

Amazing how time flies.. DD would have been 9 months old, but instead I've got a 14 week old baby tucked away again! I just want to skip to the good bits!

Hi ladies,

Sorry if this is a me, me, me post. I'm currently at the local mat unit hooked on to the ctg monitors.

Had a horrific night last night. Whilst in the shower had a massive blob of mucusy discharge with blood. Had nothing since but have been up all night with loose stools and what has felt like reduced movement.

So far the ctg monitor shows good heart rate and baby movement. I'm waiting for the doc to check my downstairs.

It is so fucking unbelievablely scary. I'm only 29 weeks and have so long to go yet. I just want a baby safe in my arms.

littletulip I hope that little baby stays tucked up a little bit longer!
Sounds like you're in the right place - hoping everything is still shut down there?!

You posted a while ago so might know a little more now xx

Oh little, how scary for you really hope everything is ok. Please update when you can x

tulip I'm keeping all my fingers crossed for you. You are definitely in the best place, and good heart rate and baby movement is just what you need to see.
I know it might not feel like it, but if you do need to prepare yourself for a 29 weeker, the charity Bliss has loads of info on their website about NICU units and what to expect. Hoping it won't come to that, but might calm you to have more info. Do update us when you can.

I'm going to start a grads thread in the ante-natal clubs.... I will post again when done with the link.

Grads thread created link is here:
GradsThread

If this thread has got a bit quiet, and you are new to the thread, or returning after a break, it is because a bunch of us are now pregnant with our rainbows and so we have moved the bump chat to an antenatal group. Please feel free to read back over our stories.

We are all still watching and listening if you need someone to rant to who has been through the agony of baby loss, or if you have any questions about what to expect in the weeks and months ahead. Just post and someone will reply.

Am posting and dashing so haven't read through the recent messages though I saw Tulips post so just wanted to say thinking of you and have everything crossed. I hope they are taking very good care of you. Hoping that since you posted you've got some positive news x

Just wanted to send a massive tight squeeze to tulip. I hope so much everything is ok. I had a similar experience at 25 weeks with this pregnancy and it turned out ok (after a horrible scary visit to the hospital to make sure I wasn't going into labour) but with your history of having a preemie you must be beside yourself. Tightest of hand holds.

Winter you and your DH sound like you have a really strong bond. Well done to you both for surviving the past year.

Towns thanks for setting up the new thread.

Hellooooo hears echoanybody there? Ashamed to say I have been hiding. But I do want to say that I am so happy for all of you with your rainbow babies, I'm just struggling with all this ttc stuff and frustrated with everyone except me being pregnant (yes, everyone in the WHOLE WORLD, well that's how it feels!) Sorry I scared everyone off (think I'm the only ttc'er now!) So if anyone does come back to this thread and reads this, I hope all of you and your rainhows are all ok.

ellie i felt like that at times too, like everyone around me was getting pg at the drop of a hat but it wasn't happening for us. I think for me i was putting too much pressure on myself and that's why it wasn't happening, as the first month i thought "bugger it i'm not worrying about all this fertile window bollocks" i got my bfp. I hope you get your bfp soon x

Hi EllieandAnna, I have been hiding too. I had a missed miscarriage in January, and it was too painful following the pregnancies of people who would have been due at the same time as me. To cap it off, I'm pretty sure that I have stopped ovulating since the eprc, which seems particularly cruel. How is your ttc going?

Hi Saveme is this your first time posting or have I missed you up thread? So sorry about your loss, if you want to tell me more about it you're welcome to. You say you think you've stopped ovulating, have you been testing? I will be doing that next. Didn't want to go that route but at least I'll feel like I'm doing all I can. Dr's think I had an early miscarriage the other month so sent me for an ultrasound, all is ok which should be a relief but instead I'm feeling angry that my body is not doing what it should! If you are concerned about it and have been testing, maybe go to the doctors and discuss your concerns.

Think I'm out for this month, am at the end of my 2week wait and have been feeling cramping on and off. Here we go again....

Hi Ellie, I was on her under a different name, but name changed as I was worried I was going to be too recognisable to anyone who knows me! My daughter died neonatally in May last year (after a placental abruption at 35 weeks). I've been temping this month (for the first time), as well as checking cm, but not using opks as they seems unreliable and a bit of a faff. Sorry to hear about your recent early miscarriage. You could look at it as your body being very clever and doing exactly what it should (flushing out an unviable embryo early on so make way for a viable one), but that probably doesn't help much at this point in time.

Oh bless you, so you've had a miscarriage after your stillbirth. Hope you are doing ok and have plenty of support. I'll be honest, my miscarriage hasn't really had much of an effect on me, mainly as I hadn't tested so didn't really see my self as pregnant. A lot of people irl have had accidental pregnancies, including my best friend who is having a girl (I was dreading she would have a girl) so I spend a lot of time being happy for people but desperately wishing it was me. People are also mentioning it being time I was pregnant, are you having that too?

Temping is something I'd thought about but haven't done, don't you need a really sensitive thermometer? Don't want to use opk's if they're unreliable, some people seem to love them . Have just been checking cm and trying to dtd every other day throughout my cycle.

Me and dh seem to be at a bit of a disconnect atm. I think we're both having a hard time with it all and with af due I'm quite emotional, we just don't seem to be very 'together' and I don't know how to fix it. Not very good when ttc!

Just popping on to give a quiet cheer for you both. The TTC phase after losing a baby is the absolute worst and miscarrying after a loss is the pits, it sends you into the black hole of despair. Thinking of you and hoping that this horrible period comes to an end soon.

ellie temping is pretty easy, you can get a basal body thermometer off Amazon or maybe in the chemist (I got mine here in the US). But it sounds like you're doing everything right already! Sorry to hear about the strain on your relationship, it is bloody hard when you process grief differently. Keep talking to each other, the only way out is through.

save did your last name reference a feminist icon? Have been wondering how you were doing. Big hug.

Hi. My first time here. My twins were premature/ still born in dec. we've started ttc again with no luck so far. I'm trying not to get obsessed with it all but it's hard. Got my period today which was my original due date before I knew it was twins. Feels like a double slap in the face. Gutted.

A wave to everyone, it's been ages since I popped in but I too have been hiding. Partly because we aren't ttc so it's hard sometimes to come here and see bfps/hear ttc tales - I'm thrilled for all the bfps from this thread I really am but when it's so far away for me it's hard to hear. Sorry if that sounds awful but hopefully you all understand more than most.

A warm welcome to you trying, I am so sorry for the loss of your twins and hope so much you're successful in ttc. How far along were you?

ellie I'm sorry things are difficult for you and your dh. It must be so stressful trying to deal with grief along the frustrations of ttc too. I hope you're able to talk about it with him and work things through, maybe even give yourself a couple of months off ttc if it helps you to feel stronger together.

For those that don't know me, my son W was born prematurely at 27wks in Oct '15 by emcs. So we are only just past the 6 month mark and whilst a lot of the early rawness has gone I still have days where I miss him terribly. My dd who is 3.5 keeps me going but she also has lots of questions about why her brother died which is very hard. We have had great care from our hospital and all tests etc have come back as no obvious cause and physically I have been given the all clear to ttc. I would really like to but sadly my dh is suffering from PTSD and is very far from ready. So I have to concentrate on supporting him as best I can - I need my lovely dh back and it's so hard to see him like this. We are being supported by a counsellor and I am trying to think about a future where did may not have another sibling as I'm getting older (almost 39) and we can't put any timings on dh getting better. I know it's not the worst thing in the world for dd to be an only one, but I so hope in future we will have our own rainbow.

Anyway enough of me me me but for anyone still reading I just wanted to say hi and wish you all luck with ttc and much love to all those grads from this thread. I'll keep stopping by to see how everyone's doing from time to time. X

Sorry that should be oct '14 of course.

trying welcome to the thread. I'm so sorry for the loss of your twins, if you want to share more about them you're welcome to here. I can imagine the due date is hard enough without having to deal with af turning up too. Hope you have plenty of support.

cake! Lovely to hear from you, I know plenty of the other ladies have been wondering how you are. Sorry to hear your dh is still struggling with ptsd, but am glad to hear you are getting support and I really hope it will help both you and your dh. It's so difficult dealing with your own grief whilst supporting someone else. It shows how strong you are coping with all this, even if it doesn't always feel like it.

My body is so confusing, don't think my body knows what cycle length it wsnts to be yet. Af is late but bfn, same as a couple of months ago. Looking forward to the weekend so I can mope around the house ignoring the world and comfort eat!

Hi Critter, yes, that was me. Thank you for thinking of me. I'm glad things are going smoothly with your current pregnancy, and look forward to hearing that your baby has been safely delivered.

Hello Trying, I'm sorry to hear about your twins. I had no idea how risky carrying twins can be until I started hanging out on these boards. I agree that it's really hard not to get obsessed with ttc after losing a child - the first time I got pregnant it was a case of 'well, we''ll just have lots of sex and see what happens', now I'm like a crazy woman, temping, charting, checking my cervix, etc etc.

Cake, good to hear from you again, I'm sorry that your husband is still suffering so badly; it must make things extra hard for you. We also have a 3 year old, and I too worry that she will never have a (living) sibling.

Ellie, sorry to hear that your cycle is still wonky, I have the same problem, and I've found that temping (which I have done for the first time this month and found strangely addictive) at least lets me know when I have ovulated, meaning that I can predict when to test (which is otherwise impossible with long irregular cycles).

We are having a sad week here: it would have been our daughter's first birthday on Tuesday, and will be a year since her death tomorrow. DP and I have taken both days off work: we made a birthday cake and sang happy birthday to her under a tree that we have had planted in the local children's park, then scattered some cake for the birds. I had hoped that I would have been six months pregnant by this point - it would have made it so much easier.

save so sorry to hear you're having a tough week - completely understandable (no amount of flowers feels enough :( )
Your celebration of her birthday sounds lovely.

trying sorry to hear about the loss of your twins

save I can't imagine how you're feeling, am dreading the day my self. The way you marked your dd's birthday sounds lovely, I will be thinking of you tomorrow

Cake, lovely to hear from you, and glad you and your DH are getting good support. 6 months is no time at all, and it's good to hear that the rawness is slowly fading. x

Save that sounds like a beautiful way to remember your daughters birthday. I certainly found G's bday a lot harder than the anniversary of her death, so hopefully you'll have a peaceful day tomorrow.

trying so sorry for the loss of your precious twins, i hope you find as much support here as i have. Af turning up when it did always upset me too, so i'm sending you .

cake it's lovely to hear from you. Sorry to hear your dh is still struggling, i'm sure your unwavering support is a big help to him though.

save sorry you've had a tough week, although it's understandable.The way you marked your dd's birthday sounds lovely. I'm sending you hugs today, and will be thinking of you on Tuesday too.