Angels and Rainbows - remembering our angels and praying for rainbows (thread2)

[townsender]

Time for a new thread, a sad welcome to any newcomers.

Introducing myself:
Name: Town?
Age: 34
Angel: DD 'G' born Feb14 at 27w by EMCS, lived 12 days (oxygen starvation at birth due to cord prolapse)?
Other DC: none?
TTC/Rainbow: TTC since Nov14, currently incubating a pea

[Nona11]

Name: Nona
Age: 23
Angel: Unknown miscarried 8.01.2015
Other DC: none?
TTC/Rainbow: been TTC since oct13 with 11 weeks pregnant inbetween.

My periods driving me nuts I used to be on the dot regular and since coming off birth control I've not had one consecutive cycle. Currently waiting for AF possibly 4-1 day late it's hard to tell as they've ranged from 26 day cycle to 30. Only getting BFN at the moment but no sign of AF usual run up symptoms. Last pregnancy didn't show up BFY until 38 past first day of the last AF

[townsender]

Hello Cake, we were just wondering how you were getting on over on the grads thread. I hope I haven't killed the conception thread . How are you and your DH doing?
Tulip and Critter both had their angels in May/June, both early but doing really well. And there's 10ish of us still pregnant, getting bigger every day. Kayleigh should be induced next week.

Hello Nona!

[kayleighferrie1985]

Hi there cake how are you doing?

Also, welcome nona, will keep my fingers crossed for you this month

Love to you all xx

[Cakebaker35]

Hi Town and Kayleigh, lovely to hear from you xx I hope all is well with you both and things are ticking along nice and uneventfully! Please do pass on my congrats Tulip and Critter, I do miss them all x Life with me continues to be very tough, Dh still battling his ptsd but it's a long road. We've had our ups and downs just like everyone does but these last few weeks I'm starting to think ill never be back on the ttc threads and that dd will be our only one now. I just don't think Dh will get to the point where he wants to try and as I'm 40 next year this can't go on indefinitely. We've discussed adoption, not sure yet but it's an option. So very much just hanging in there and hoping that one day life will feel more positive. Sorry it's a bit doom from me, I'm ok mostly just get hit by waves of sadness that I may never be lucky enough to have another dc. I'll pop into the other thread when I'm feeling a it braver to say hi x

Nona welcome - I'm afraid this thread has dried up a bit of late but hope someone pops on soon to hold your hand through ttc. As you'll see from the above I'm not ttc so I only come here occasionally to say hi.

Xx

[kayleighferrie1985]

cake sorry to hear your dh is still battling his ptsd, as you say it's unfortunately a long road to travel on, which is bad enough without additional worries about age ect. Sending both you and your dh lots of love xx

[zombiemeow]

Hi nona!

Hi cake! Have been thinking of you. Sorry to hear dh is still suffering with the ptsd. Is he still making small steps forward? X

[ChatEnOeuf]

Welcome Nona

Hi Cake, sorry to hear things are still tough.

Lovely to hear of successful stories on the grads side. How are you getting on Town? I'm still active on the JS board as well as watching this one - I like the witty banter and the speed the threads move at.

First AF since TinyChat was born last month so we are officially moving. Had our PM/results meeting with our consultant around the same time - apart from being a little small, he was perfectly formed. Placenta a little bit small, and that, coupled with the recurrent first trimester bleeding and late BFP leads him to think the placenta might not have been tip-top. We suspect a concealed abruption given the labour history, but have no firm evidence for it, so he's another 'unknown'. Considering taking aspirin from six weeks if we get lucky.

[townsender]

Just saw that I put 'angels' instead of 'rainbows' in my earlier post - bloody pregnancy brain!

Cake, sorry to hear that you're really thinking you won't be ttc again, that must be so tough. 40 is not the end though, please remember that. Big hugs, and you are welcome to pop by and say hello on the grads thread anytime you can face it.

Hi Chat! I've been reading the JS fred reasonably often - I like the banter but never seem to have the energy to post after reading it all! I'm a classic lurker :-) Sounds like you're doing well. It seems really really common to not get a definitely explanation for why we lost our angels, but sounds like you've at least got some pointers to help steer your care this time round. Get shagging and hopefully see you on the grads thread very very soon.
I'm nearly 33 weeks now, so long past the point where I had Grace, and all is well so far this pregnancy, although it's always tinged with sadness and anxiety. I'm mid-way through NCT classes, which are pretty tough TBH, but the group is lovely so it's worth sitting through the 'perfect labour' stuff to get a nice group of maternity buddies.

[kayleighferrie1985]

chat sorry to hear you didn't get a difinitive reason for your angel, it does seem quite common (i didn't get a reason for why my placenta ruptured), and i wish you lots of luck with ttc xx

[ChatEnOeuf]

Thanks Cake and Kayleigh, it is quite common, probably half the time. Annoying. I'm doing some research which I hope will go some way to changing that a little.

[CritterPants]

Hello chat, so sorry to hear you didn't get definitive results. It's the more difficult thing to cope with. All the what ifs. good luck this month.

Cake I think of you often. This might be way off base - but could you freeze your eggs? Or could you do iui? Is it the 'TTC' aspect or the pregnancy/birth aspect that is making your DH so unhappy? I just think this must be so hard on you.

[Cakebaker35]

Hello Critter, thank you for thinking of me x how are you doing? Really hope all is well with you?

Don't worry you're not off base, I haven't really given too much thought to egg freezing and I don't know, it doesn't really appeal. Somehow I'm so over medical stuff, even though I know it's a way of keeping options open I just don't think I want this hanging over me long term - basically if we aren't going to ttc soon then I will take it off the table, I don't think I can have the uncertainty for too much longer. Dh is still suffering, it's all to do with the trauma of the birth and frankly nothing seems to reassure him that I won't die or another baby won't die. He has to feel more hope than fear, and at the moment he just can't get there, despite trying hard. It's terribly hard for us both and for now all I can do is concentrate on trying to work on our relationship and make sure dd is happy. We have talked adoption but I don't think I'm there yet. It's so exhausting all round.

This week will be our angel's 1st birthday and I'm feeling very low, ive been dreading it so much and just want to hide under the duvet tbh. I know lots of people do something to mark the day but not sure I can face 'a thing', maybe just a walk with Dh, feels right for us somehow. And then the week after is the anniversary of the day he died, I feel so angry sometimes we will always have these dates and won't ever be able to feel okay around this time of year. Sorry, that was longer than I meant it to be

On a brighter note, just got an email saying I've been nominated for mumsnet secret Santa. Feel really overwhelmed and grateful to whoever nominated me, what a lovely thing to do.

Anyway, I can almost hear the tumble weed on this thread, but in case anyone is still reading I hope you're doing ok. Love to all xxx

[CritterPants]

Cake I am here. I can understand not wanting to do anything more medical... For sure. When I went back to the IVF clinic after my loss I felt like a dog at the vet. I am just so sorry and wish I could make it better. A new baby doesn't fix things but does just bring some joy to sit in the space beside your sorrow if you see what I mean. And I don't think I could bear not being able to have another one so I just feel so desperately sad for you especially, and Mr Cake too, although I can imagine why he feels the way he does.

We went to a cathedral and lit a candle on our baby's birthday - I howled and howled in the church. Oh and we had a fight about something random first because we were both so stressed and sad. Then I bought some wool from a yarn store that we randomly passed to make a sweater. We didn't do anything super special to mark the day and I remember it being awful. It is totally ok to hide under the duvet. Maybe you could make a birthday cake if that isn't too weird? But you don't need to do anything.

[Cakebaker35]

Thank you critter xxx it was my angel's birthday today, it was such an odd day, I felt I was looking at the world in slow motion almost. We didn't do a lot, a friend came around with cake and although we hadn't planned to see anyone it was lovely to have a visitor who wasn't afraid of our grief. We have some wonderful friends and as hard as life is, they do make it a little brighter. As do the lovely ladies like you on here.

I've decided to head off and start my own blog as I'm not sure mn is the place for me when we aren't ttc. I'll keep lurking as I want to hear how everyone is doing but there aren't too many here now and I'm sorry to say I'm not brave enough to pop on to try grads thread but please do send my love xxx

[Beautytobe]

Name: beauty
First pregnancy resulted in my beautiful daughter now 20 months
Mc in April at 14weeks
Mc in September at 11weeks 5 days

Am freaking out as I think I may have got a faint bfp...I only mc 5 weeks ago and sex and tryin for another hasn't bn on my mind. I thought I just got my first period after my mc but it was a couple of days of brown spotting and today nothing. So I had one test and took it not even with fmu and am so sure I see a line!
I wish I had more tests to take...
Am I going to be more likely to mc again now IF I am...

[CritterPants]

A sad welcome beauty, and so sorry to hear about your miscarriages - I hope that you are doing ok.

Cake, if you want to pm me the link to your blog, I would love to hear how you're doing. I think a lot of people on the grads thread have moved to FB. It seems that this thread comes and goes, and it is definitely very quiet here at the moment (thankfully - don't want a thread full of women who've had stillbirths and neonatal deaths, it's not a club you want to be part of ) so can totally understand this maybe isn't the most helpful place at the moment.

Lots of love to everyone else.

[Itsalwayssunny]

Is anyone still active on this thread?

[Mouse0406]

Is anyone still using this thread? X

[Impatientwino]

I've been watching this incase anyone is still posting. I lost my son at 39 weeks in March - although I'm not TTC I've found comfort in reading posts here as due to my age we don't have the luxury of waiting a few years to try for more children. We need to decide soonish what we want to do. I'm so frightening about being pregnant again but the other half of me wants to fill my empty arms.

Reading ladies posts on here with familiar feelings and anxiety has made me feel calmer about the whole issue and a little more open to the idea of going down the road again.