Just MC and ready to try again? Pack your leathers, black nail polish, air guitar and jump in the mosh pit for some serious metalling. All welcome! (Part 17)

[MarathonMama]

Hello! Just miscarried and ready to start again, come and join us...

Good morning all

I found you :-0

Hope everyone is having a great monday - I have day at home today so am on a mission have washing piled high, beds to make and cleaning to do. I am sure someone comes in over night and makes a mess!!

Miss G - really sorry to hear about your mum - that must of been a very difficult time for you. I have been depressed for many years and it is impossible to shake off the feeling of worthlessness. Hope you had a good weekend bbq and having vistors sure you made the most of it.

IQ - good news about the test hope the scan goes well on wednesday - we will have everything crossed for you. And will be catching you up soon - hopefully

Blue - sorry to hear about AF arriving but at least you know everything is in working order. Still frustrating. Hope the studies went well. What is it you are studying?

Whatso - again sorry your AF arrived - Hope work has improved. Think working is bearaable when you know the end is in sight - mat leave. Now just seems like we have been robbed. Well I do anyway.

Manada - Really sorry to hear that some many around have had a difficult life. There are no words.

Marathon - Hang on in there. Thinking of you.

Baby - so sorry thar you have had to join the thread. It is great comfort to know you are not alone and as the days pass both you and DH will be able to focus on trying again. Think there are a number of us approaching 40 so know how you feel.

Poppy - which festival are you going too - sounds great fun. Hope you have a great time.

So those of you who are charting and the such tell me more. Now I am infection/pain/thrush free I am ready to take charge of the situation. Well as best I can.

Think that is everyone pie and shimmery hope you guys are ok :-)

Morning all...well AF certainly making herself comfortable and known...the cramps and the heavy bleeding urrgghhh - I guess my 'expectations' of a light AF after the ERPC were totally unfounded and just a bit over hopeful! Here's hoping it's not 12 days long like whatsoever's just scared myself silly thinking I'd forgotten to bring any pads to work but then found two hiding in my desk drawer...phew!! Wasn't looking forward to explaining to my boss that I had to urgently nip out to the shop!!!

eve I'm doing a Diploma in Interior Design and thoroughly enjoying it...plan was/is to have something more flexible than my current job to be able to fall back on after mat leave with DC1 or maybe after DC2 (if we get that far!!) so hoping ultimately to set up a business doing it...which would be fun...though quite scary at the start!!

IQ glad you're keeping the testing up...I would have to do the same!! at your crazy dream...!!!

missg so sorry to read of your news...hoping the next few weeks bring some good news in the midst of difficult memories.

marathon how's the metalling? Have you been to the docs yet to get things rolling to get your scan booked?

whatso sorry to hear work pants...I totally agree with eve when there was an 'end' in sight it makes it easier to endure, with that gone it all feels like it's neverending again...hope this week isn't too manic for you!

baby it was still such a shock for us at the scan as even though I'd been feeling worried I had no rational reason to be so...no pain, cramps, bleeding etc and I kept thinking that I was just panicking for nothing, but alas my body/emotions just knew somehow

Right, off to get a ...

oops a large piece of chocolate brownie lept onto a plate and came back upstairs with me with my from the canteen...oh dear, what a shame I'll just have to eat it and forget about the diet I'm on for the next 5 mins

Hi all,
Room for an emotional one?! I'm in early stages of miscarriage and a bit wobbly. Reading your posts, it sounds like my experience is similar to many of yours - I had a little bit of bleeding on Thursday night at nearly 12 weeks and ended up in A&E where doctor said everything was fine, all first-timers are nervous etc (I know they deal with life and death every day, I know there was no way she could have known, but irrationally I really want to go back now and tell her she was wrong ).

Anyway, referred for a scan the next day and the moment the sonographer said "You're definitely not 12 weeks, you're more like 6" I knew beany hadn't made it.

Bleeding has continued and I have to go back on Friday for another scan to see if it's all happened naturally.

I'm so up and down. One moment I'm OK, can't wait to get back on the wagon and get pregnant again; the next I'm ranting at poor DH because he's said "We're fine really" to MIL and I'm thinking, "Are we? Easy for you to say Mr, you're not the one miscarrying." He's been so good, bless him, but hormones seem to have turned me into a horrible person. Did anyone else find this?

I'm back at work today (boss has let me work from home so still in PJs!) but just don't want to do anything. Silver lining is that we have a holiday coming up - we leave on 6th August. I just hope everything is over by then so we can enjoy it.

So sorry for all your losses, and it's made me feel better already to hear about people who are pregnant again. Also sorry for the mahusive essay - you must be hoping I never come back!

Hi hobnob so so sorry you are also having to deal with all of this I remember so well the sonographer asking the dreaded 'are you sure of your dates' question and knowing the same as you that it just wasn't happenning this time. You will find that your emotions and hormones take you on a rollercoaster over the next few days/weeks and you need to give yourself lots of grace and be patient. If possible I would suggest that you get a docs note and take this week off...you don't want to have to be thinking about work with everything else going on and you need the space to do whatever you feel like...sleep, watch mindless TV, plan your packing list for holiday...even start packing but the stresses of work might not be a help...just my experience that the last thing I felt like doing was work. This is defintitely the right place to be though as everyone here is fab and we all have our up and down moments and this is a great place to share them!!

hobnob - I agree with blue please get yourself signed off. I felt like a real fraud to begin with was waiting for ERPC but really should not of been working anyway. I had to have 2 ERPC and an infection so was off for 4 weeks in the end - I did not do a great lot but it gave me time to adjust.

I am on my 5th load of washing - sure I am washing clean things now kitchen has been completely washed down and things pulled out. Lounge all good and most of upstairs - just my office looks likes a dumping groud - hey it all has to go somewhere.

Am off to town with my poor neglected ds to soft play - i know I should take him to the park but we have done so much this weekend country park, fire station open day, swimming and steam fair I think I need a sit down :-)

Off to see car2 tonight as DP is off to germany AGAIN tomorrow. must dtd tonight just in case :-)

I waffle don't I :-)

oh forgot to say wated lovely bones last night - how I wept :-(

Hobnob welcome, so sorry to hear what you are going through and for your loss. I was a MMC picked up at my 12 week scan - no clue until then (although with hindsight, I had a panic day for no real reason that some might say was intuition as it was around the time the baby must have died at 8 or 9 weeks).

I had the day of my scan, the ERPC the next day and the rest of the week off. I don't think I could have managed with any less. However my friend who had a MMC a few weeks later had her ERPC on the Friday and was back to work on the Monday - I guess we are all different.

eve have a lovely time at soft play with DS

blue I take your chocolate brownie and raise you a bar of white chocolate, yummy!

Only 9 and a half working days until a week's holiday, I will keep focussing on that. Although I have to say, I feel so crap at the moment I'm not even looking forward to the holiday which I don't think has ever happened to me. I'm hoping this is partially MMS (I have always been a mid-menstrual misery type, rather than a pre!) and I will cheer up a bit after AF is on her way out.

Have managed to avoid having a total meltdown at work so far this morning which frankly is a triumph. I have figured that I am using 90% of my energy avoiding meltdown only leaving 10% for actual thinking through my work, so I have to allow msyelf lots of a few mistakes

marathon and IQ - how are you both getting along with cooking those beans?

Big wave to everyone else.

whatso and blue, there's a well known saying in these parts, "When the going gets tough, the canteen gets emptied". I'm throwing in a chocolate filled crepe for good measure and some turkish delight my DD brought me back from Turkey.

Oooh, what festival Poppy ? And then a romantic getaway - how lovely. Having things like that to look forward to definitely takes the pressure off a little bit, doesn't it.

Eve for what it's worth, I think you've excelled in the outdoor activities this weekend, so I think a sit down with a and a nice cream bun is in order. Great to hear you're feeling much better now too. No charting here, just metalling . CD 21 (no idea if I even Ov), just assuming so, in a sort of blissful unawareness (is that even a word??)!

And hi Hobnob. So sorry for your loss. These early days are an emotional rollercoaster: sometimes you might feel ok, then other times it hits you like a sledgehammer. Can take a while to sink in properly too, so take whatever time you feel you need to, and I agree with the others who have suggested a little time away from work just to concentrate on you. Go easy on yourself.

Good news on the 3+ IQ. Totally understand why you have to do it. I once peed on 3 CBDs in one day! Those minutes waiting for the test to work are horrible, aren't they? And mwah hah hah to your dream, did you have a supper of cheese on cheese, with a side helping of cheese, last night??

You're right babysaurus, sometimes just typing something and hitting 'post' actually lifts a weight by itself. Oh man, it sounds as though I'm using you guys as some kind of free therapy/counselling!! Not my intention, but that is often the effect!

Anyway, got to go, back to work. I'll be back later to drain you all of your kindness, wisdom and PMA chat

Hi to everyone else

And btw Whatso , that 90/10 balance is bound to start shifting in the other direction soon. Although you might be struggling to get excited just now, there's nothing like a holiday to re-charge your batteries and give you than much needed break from mundane work stuff. Are you going away anywhere?

Hello all and welcome Hobnob. So sorry to hear what you're going through. I hope you're ok and things sort themselves out soon. We're all here to help. As the others will testify, the next few days and weeks will be a rollercoaster but it will get easier. I remember feeling totally desperate after my mmc, I didn't think I'd ever feel human again but within a few weeks I was feeling more positive.

Whatso it sounds like you need lots of white chocolate and chocolate brownie lady. You better get eating before I beat you to it. I hope work isn't too awful, you could send it our way, I'm sure we could all chip in and sort it out for you.

Blue you need chocolate too, there's nothing better for AF cramps (believe me, I'm the expert on this subject)

Eve I recorded The Lovely Bones last night. I loved the book but I'm not sure it's something I could cope with watching right now so will save it.

Poppy it sounds like you've got a few exciting things coming up. Very jeal of the swanky hotel. Does it have a large shower... MissG winks

Well I have been feeling uneasy today . Not really queasy, I don't feel sick, but I feel like you do when you're a bit drunk and the room isn't staying still (I'm sure none of you can relate to this). I'm hoping it's a symptom but I haven't slept for the last two nights so it may just be tiredness.

Blue we have self-referral to the midwives here and they won't see you for booking until you're after 8 weeks so will probably call next week to make an appointment.

IQ I'm excited about your scan! What time is it on Weds? Got everything x for you, I bet you're metalling like crazy. Do we need to reintstate the padded cell so you can metal without fear of injury?

Oooh MissG choccie crepe mmmm! You can keep the Turkish Delight though, uuk.

MissG - Ibiza, so when I stop beign so maudlin I will get excited! In actual fact, my work friend who has been on honeymoon for the last 4.5 weeks has returned today and that has cheered me up quite a bit

marathon - hands off at least half the chcolate products!

Whatso Ibiza, wow, fabulous! I bet you'll have a ball.

I hope Poppy does have a big shower marathon, I would definitely recommend a slip matt though (was going to add a here but have changed it to , don't want you getting the wrong idea about any slippery mishaps - well, that's what my DH said happened JOKE, joke. )

I think that sounds like the beginning of symptoms btw

Thanks for the lovely welcome and concern everyone [sob]. Anyone being nice to me makes me cry these days!
I feel OK to work - not much pain atm, just like a heavy period. And I think for me it's better to keep busy. But I know if I need the op I'll need a chunk of time off. Guess I'll find out on Friday.

Ibiza will be fab Whatso, nothing cheers me up like a bit of sun and sea, nice food, a suitcase full of good books and a break.

Hobnob29 hello. I can't really add anything more than the others already have but did want to also add, to emphasise, please let off steam whenever you want to. I found the week of waiting horrible and had massive mood swings. I think at first I was in shock, but once that sunk in I swung madly from being heartbroken to just 'wanting it out' so I could draw a line under it and move on. Now, 12 days after the trip to A&E and subsequent hospital stay, I am starting to feel a bit more with it. Or, at least, more used to the recent developments. I am also eating so much spinach I may go green but at least my iron levels are going up!

Re the next week or so, you may feel very up and down so don't hesitate to take time out if you need to, or even if you just think you might. I found the threads where people talked about what happened to them very theraputic indeed. I have had well meaning friends say things to 'cheer me up' which has done nothing of the sort. Its not their fault, they just don't know what to say or do so whatever they come up with ends up being inappropriate (big nights out were suggested for example, or 'getting away from things' and having a day out walking - I lost a lot of blood and the first five days or so after I came home even just taking a bath would knacker me out so long country walks weren't going to happen!)

Everyone - can I ask how your DH's were about starting again? Its very early days in my household I know but I think mine will take a bit of talking round. Ironic really as he was the one who first wanted to TTC in the first place!

Hi Peeps,

So much to catch up on after the weekend!! Mwahhhh! Apologies advance for my mammoth post!

Firstly hi to babysaurus and hob, sorry you had to find yourselves here but, you couldn't ask for a more supportive thread with a lovely bunch of ladies!:) My DH was keen to start trying again. I think it's because we really don't have age on our side (he's 42 and i'm 39 next month)

I started spotting at 7 weeks (early May), very light for a couple of days but with cramps. I had a scan at the EPU 2 days later (before any major blood loss) which showed a fetal pole that measured 5/6 weeks. I KNEW my dates weren't wrong but they told me to come back a week later. I lost the 'sac' that afternoon :( I then bled for a month and didn't get a bfn for over 6 weeks (had to get anti biotics due to 'retained' product that was too small for an ERPC). I'm now on my first proper cycle post m/c and in the 2ww.

So, apologies if i've missed things out! This is what happens when I don't post for a couple of days!

summer are you still in Edinburgh and having a blast !!

whats Ibiza! I'm well jel! :) I could do with a holiday there just now. It is very horrible, grey and wet in Scotland today - pah!

IQ - thinking of you for tomorrow xx how are the bowel movements today

marathon thanks for starting the new thread! Glad you are feeling queasy IYSWIM!!

eve I sobbed through lovely bones too! So sad :( I chart using fertility friend. I find it really useful in giving me an indication of whether or not i'm pre or post ovulation and how many dpo I am and getting a feel for my (too short am sure) luteal phase. If you put in your temps and cervical fluid (!) and OPKs (optional) it can give you an indication of when you ov and then based on when you DTD give you a 'score' for that month!

poppy oooo which festival are you going to and where are you off to in August! I know what you mean about erratic sleep and temp taking. Mine is never after 3hrs straight sleep!

missg I was really sorry to read about your mum xxxxxxx I feel like i'm having a right old WTF cycle this month and am very vexed!

blue sorry to hear about your AF cramps, boooo to the witch!! I've been cramping too but haven't got a clue what's going on this cycle GRRRRR Your interior design course sounds fab!! I've had a few of your choccy brownies, thanks!!!

Waves to shimmery and manda !!

I'm now 8dpo and it's all been very very strange this month. Firsty I ov'd (according to FF) on 12dpo (instead of my usual 17dpo) and have started SPOTTING TODAY FFS, ARGHGHGHGHG! Sorry for the caps but I am not a happy bunny as that means an incredibly short LP. It's only been pink and when I wipe so far but I had this for 2 days last month before AF showed up! I also woke up about 1am on Saturday morning and had to run downstairs and be sick (6dpo so far too early for 'morning sickness') I'd felt queasy all of Friday night and spent most of the early hours on the sofa feeling most unwell. I am so so so upset by this spotting :( My temps have been very erratic too so I really haven't got a scooby! It was quite high this morning but when I took it randomly tonight it was very very low (not sure if that makes a difference or not but aren't your temps lower in the morning?) so am fully expecting AF to make an appearance any day.

If so I'll be back at the GP about my short LP but not sure what they will say/do or I might try and self rememdy with 50mg of B6 and a vitamin B complex but i'm already take a conception multi-vitamin (although only 10mg of B6 in it).

Sorry for waffle, I think my head might explode at the moment as i'm so *** off with it all! Why does it have to be so hard!!! Sorry for my rant ladies xxx

Waiter, a bottle of chilled sauvignon blanc here please! :)

baby my DH was funny about starting again. We had to have a heart to heart a couple of times as he thought I wasn't ready because I was still upset. I had to explain the only way for me to feel better would be to have another baby, which eventually persuaded him! We started TTC again a few days before my first AF after the ERPC arrived.

Cross post - waves to Pie!

Thanks for the info re how your DH's were about trying again. Mine can be a bit of a fretter, and is currently now in house sorting mode. This is perfectly understandable as it more of a renovation project than a decorating job. This is all quite weird as I had so many freak outs when I was very early pregnant that I almost wished it hadn't happened. Now, I can think of nothing I want more!
I am going to have to leave it a while - this is not great as once I get an idea in my head etc etc - and then bring it up again. He does have very valid points re the cash situation (this was one of the catalysts for my previous early pregnancy freak outs) and as we are both self employed it would be him being the main earner with the bulk of the responsibility but we're not getting any younger! I realise that the cusp of 37 isn't that old but it's not terribly young either especially if, god forbid, I miscarry again and we get back to square one again. Whatsoever like you, I feel as if trying again would help too. Even if we do live in a building site!

So, how many of you are actively trying and are you also using OPK's or similar? Did you find that your cycles were all over the place for a few months? Piemistress that seems to be the case with you from your above post....? I have to be honest, I only ever really guessed at when I was likely to be ov in the three months we were TTCing before and as it seemed to work I don't really know what I am looking for!

babys I use temp charting via the fertility friend and also use OPKs (cheapies from Amazon then use the CB digital one to confirm as the lines on the ICs can be a bit misleading sometimes). It's been really insightful !

The 'taking charge of your fertility book' by toni (can't remember surname) is also really good x

Hmm. Sounds interesting but maybe I wait until me and DH have 'another chat' before I freak him out with OPK's and the like! Baby steps (so to speak!)

I don't mention OPKs to my DP ! I think if he knew when I was ovulating (maybe he can guess but I don't verbally say!) then it might put him under too much pressure~!

Hello ladies, I have just found this thread and read hobnob's story - we are travelling the same road, unfortunately. Until this morning I was 10+3. I started spotting last Tuesday, went to A&E on Saturday evening because the bleeding had got heavier and they said I needed to go to the EPU. I went there today and they said the pip had stopped growing at 4 weeks and hopefully it will all clear out over the next few days... I have to go back next Monday to see if it's all gone, & have it sorted out if not.

I've had a really good cry, pulled myself together & went into work this afternoon. Did me good I think, I'm still gutted & upset, but not so teary and emotional. It's funny, but already I don't feel pg - even though it's still in there I don't feel any connection to it & just want it all to be cleared out so I can get on with getting the next bfp!

DH is feeling similar to me, sad but realistic & looking forward to getting going again (of course he is! ) In the meantime, I've just enjoyed a lovely large glass of wine, my first for quite a while!

I'm 37 (38 in a few weeks), TTC#1 and it took 6 months to get my first bfp, hope it doesn't take that long to get my second...!

Ladies I'm having a MELTDOWN.....just been to toilet and found I'm bleeding - only a tiny bit and i dont have any pain but after the last time I'm totally freaking out!!!!

Just called the out of hours Dr and waiting for them to call me back. I can't believe this is happening - my scan is only on wednesday......just don't even know what to do with myself right now.

Just had the Dr on the phone - said there's nothing he can do - just have to "cross our fingers" and wait and see. Have to get through the next 30ish hours until my scan and hope that things will still be ok. He suggested that I rest and so I'm staying home tomorrow in hopes that it settles down and isn't there tomorrow.

God my hands are shaking and I feel sick......need to try to get some sleep - not sure how the hell I'm going to do that!!!!