My sister donating eggs to me and other such worries!

[Ozziesmom]

Hi everyone I would really appreciate some advice. I am 38 with one DS (3) I am not ovulating and had a bad reaction to Clomid (seizure) my Dr wants me to try Clomid again as he says my only hope of conceiving is by stimulating my ovaries, but I am very nervous about the idea and I need to think about the effect on my health on my DS as husband works away so I cannot risk a seizure when I am on my own with him.

We are considering egg donation from my younger sis (36) we are aware of the emotional situation (which we know we will all have to think hard about) but know very little about the practicalities of the procedures (I am guessing we will pay privately for this- but is there an age cut off?), also will the child biologically be hers on mine? This isn't really an issue but we were curious.

I would appreciate any advice at all thank you.

The child will be hers genetically, but yours in all legal senses. You will be the mother on the birth certificate, you will be responsible for the child etc.

It is possible for your sister to donate eggs to be used anonymously by another recipient, which will put you at the top of the waiting list for donor eggs. Obviously you then won't have any genetic link to the child, but it can avoid any emotional issues that could arise from using your sisters eggs.

I think 36 is the age limit for donors, and you'd probably have to go private to avoid long NHS waiting lists.

Thank you, does that mean I cannot have my sisters eggs? I think this is what we would all prefer if we had a choice, although I know what you are saying about the emotional issues. I think she would be less likely to do it if she thought her eggs would go to someone else. We'd better get moving on the age front then, I was worried that might be an issue. I appreciate your advice, I know nothing!

Yes, you can have her eggs, but some people find this is too close and so donate to an anonymous recipient in order to get their own anonymous donor quickly.

I had IVF at Care, they do donor egg IVF and are very helpful and friendly, might be worth giving them a call (they have clinics in a number of cities).

I was looking at receiving eggs from my niece, but she found it too hard to deal with, so I went for anonymous donor in the end.

Good luck and I hope it works for you!

Thanks so much. Look out for agingmumoftwins2 on here next year lol!

Oh I do hope so! Twins are just fab! (and of course more common due to ivf)

What both you and your sister need to look at is the HFEA's website as they govern fertility treatment:-

www.hfea.gov.uk

I would also add that there may well be a cut off date in terms of donating for your sister but that would be decided by the clinic in question.

Donating through a licensed UK fertility clinic
If you donate through an HFEA-licensed clinic, which must conform to strict medical, legal and ethical standards:

you will not be the legal parent of any child born as a result of your donation
you will have no legal obligation to any child born from your donation
you will not be named on the birth certificate
you will not have any rights over how the child will be brought up
you will not be asked to support the child financially.
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Legal parenthood after embryo donation
On occasion, embryos which have been created for use in the treatment of a woman or couple being treated together are not actually used by the woman undergoing treatment.

If the woman or couple decide not to use an embryo in their own treatment, they may decide to donate their embryo for use in the treatment of others.

In these circumstances, the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Act 1990 sets out who will be considered the legal parents of any child born as a result of the donation.

The child's mother

The woman who gives birth is always considered to be the child?s legal mother. This is the case, even if the treatment involved the use of donated eggs or embryos.

The law only recognizes one person as the legal mother of a child.

I donated to my sister a couple of years ago and am now a very proud aunt. I don't feel (in any way at all) that my niece is anything other than (a rather special!) niece.

Perhaps the main thing to think about - apart from the legal side which Attila has already covered - is whether you all have the same views about being open (or not). Important that you, your sister, and relevant partners all feel the same way.

Also - has your sister had children and 'completed her family'? If she hasn't, and later has difficulties getting pregnant how would this effect things?
If you want to know more about the practicalities I posted a diary on fertilityfriends website under the name of c l u c k c l u c k (all one word, obviously), which went through everything i had to do. (I was made more complicated by the fact that we live at opposite ends of the world - but we managed!)

Re cut-offs - I think that clinics are a little more flexible with known donors (I was 38!)

hope this helps and good luck for you and your sister. Its one of the best things I've ever done!
best,
madcows

Thanks everyone for your advice.

I phoned our local clinic today and was told that she thought egg donation was "a bit drastic"! she seemed to think that we need to try IUI and IVF first (two things which I also know nothing about lol) what I do know though is that this will involve stimulating my ovaries which I am pretty scared of to be honest, the seizure gave us all a big fright, however, my consultant had already suggested IUI as my husband works away and getting together at the right time (so to speak) is difficult!

I see my NHS fertility guy in Sep so I will talk to him but I don't expect he will be too helpful as he seemed to think that my only answer is Clomid.

madcows I will have a look at your diary, thanks. I didn't know there was such a website so will check that out also. It is also good to know that my sister may also be able to donate, given her age, I really thought that it would be game over.

I am such a pragmatic and straightforward person, I am not really sure what to do for the best and I am finding this all very hard I find it difficult to talk to people as I don't want people to think I am not grateful for the child I have, I am, and I know we are luckier than some but I am so surprised by how difficult this is.

Thanks again x

PS
Just seen the cost of IVF and can catagorically state this is not an option!

Just to add that if you have donated eggs from your sister then you will be paying for IVF (to "switch off" her ovaries during down regulation, then to stimulate her ovaries to produce multiple eggs, then those eggs to be harvested and then fertilised with your DH's sperm) as well as the cost of drugs to prepare your own womb for the implantation of the embryo(s). So if IVF for you as a couple isn't a financial option then egg donation probably won't be either (unless you are extremely lucky and can get it on the NHS, which is unlikely as you have an existing child but check with your PCT).

But you may be able to try drugs other than Clomid to stimulate your ovaries, eg menopur (commonly used during IVF). I had IVF with menopur and seizures were not mentioned as a possible side effect. Fertility Friends is a great website and you should be able to find lots of info on there about alternative drugs to Clomid before you see your NHS consultant in Sept.

Good luck whatever you decide.