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Original poster

Bad xmas presents

18 replies

hazz1991 · 28/12/2015 08:38

hey,

im a stay at home dad and have been the whole time while my wife works. I got my wife some really nice presents which i put a lot of thought into like jewellery and some nice clothes and chocolate that kind of stuff.

But my wife got me stuff only related to the house and household chores i do while she is at work. She got me a new dyson and some knives for the kitchen and some new pots and pans too. I feel quite annoyed at her and am not sure wether to bring it up or not or am i overreacting?? please could anyone just give me a bit of advice.

Thanks

OP posts:
QOD · 28/12/2015 08:40

Welcome to my world Wink

Why don't you set up an amazon wish list ready for your birthday and next Christmas and let her know?

Leigh1980 · 28/12/2015 08:46

You're only 24! Seems strange that you are a SAHD. Or is this a satire? If you really are then maybe you should speak to your wife about her not just seeing you as the household slave and a valuable member of the family. It's probably difficult to buy for you if you don't have hobbies or maybe she thought she was making your life easier. Did you complain about your old vacuum before?

Original poster
hazz1991 · 28/12/2015 08:48

QOD does the same thing happen to you?

The dyson is actually really good a lot better than the last one we had and she probably means well but yeah just really is not what i want for christmas. Thats a good idea. I might try set one up. Have you done it before?

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Original poster
hazz1991 · 28/12/2015 09:00

Leigh1980 I am actually 27 and its not satire. I just don't like putting my real date of birth online sorry.

My wife is a little bit older and has a really good career which she didn't want to give up so i became a SAHD.

Yeah we did need a new vacuum cleaner because the old one was really bad and I'm sure she did mean well but i just don't think that should have been like included as a present for me. Is just something we need to buy.

I don't know if i should mention this to her or not

OP posts:
anyoldname76 · 28/12/2015 09:08

just tell her you dont want household items for presents in the future

Leigh1980 · 28/12/2015 09:08

Oh ok sorry for that. Maybe make it into a joke to try and get the point across or maybe leave it for next year and actually mention what you'd like for Christmas and say you already got household items last year so this year can I have this, this and this.

Passthecake30 · 28/12/2015 09:12

Oh dear, hopefully she was just being practical and had no other clue of what to buy. Amazon wish list sounds like a good plan. When's her bday, ask her if she would she like a nice new set of towels for the house if you are doing practical presents nowWink

sandgrown · 28/12/2015 09:14

My dad did this to my.mum all the time. When DP bought me an iron I just saw red as he knew how I disapproved of "housy" presents. He has never done it since so maybe you just need to gently explain to your wife.

Original poster
hazz1991 · 28/12/2015 09:18

Thanks Passthecake30 and Leigh1980 thats a good idea. I might try just make it into a joke so then its not to serious but she should then know for next time its not really what i want.

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Cressandra · 28/12/2015 11:48

My granny and my dad used to do this to my mum all the time. She worked FT too so I think it's about who does the household jobs, not who WOH and who doesn't.

One year my dad took me and my brother to a kitchen shop and we all bought my mum's gifts there. My mum cracked and read him the riot act. She was never bought a household item again.

My granny would still give her birthday money and say stuff like "treat yourself to a nice iron" and my mum would take great pleasure in spending it on boots or whatever!

I think you need to have a serious word and start the wishlist as suggested above. Some blokes are really hard to buy for. Knives would be a lovely gift for someone who cooks for pleasure, for example, but if that's not you, tell her the sort of thing you'd like instead. There is absolutely no excuse for the vacuum cleaner though!

BernardlookImaprostituterobotf · 28/12/2015 11:51

It's a bit shit tbh isn't it? The house is our house and the mess our mess so why is something to clear it up a treat for me? I know some people love kitchen gadgets etc and ask for them but if they haven't it's a bit thoughtless - house purchases are for the house!

Yanbu I would talk to her about it and point that out if it were me. DH didn't really get it until I bought him tiles and grout for his birthday to do the bathroom (we did it ourselves and I did have a proper present for after my point had been made). I think it can be difficult if you're different giving types - one giving thoughtful treats that you wouldn't buy through the year on a whim and one quite practical who sees a need and fills it, neither are wrong but they're incompatible approaches and it can be quite hurtful if your frame of reference is thoughtfulness, time and effort = demonstration of your love and affection for that person. It can seem an impersonal present is saying you weren't important enough to go to the trouble for, although this is really often not the case.
She's spent a lot of money on it but unless you are a hoover collector hasn't really got anything for you the man, her husband instead of you the SAHD chief cook and bottle washer - would she have been happy with office supplies as she is WOHM and money earner rather than her gifts for her as more than just that?
You know her, you know if she's just practical or slipping into not being able to separate you from your role - SAHM have been culturally devalued for decades, but only you know if you're a victim of 'little woman at home' syndrome.
This might be a golden opportunity to nip anything like that in the bud.

Original poster
hazz1991 · 28/12/2015 12:16

Thanks Cessandra and you're right I Have got more into cooking recently and we have rubbish knives I always complain about so they were a good gift it was just then when they were combined with the other gifts that were all household items too I got annoyed. I know she means well just was bit disappointed especially about receiving the Hoover.

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Original poster
hazz1991 · 28/12/2015 12:20

BernardlookImaprostituterobotf Maybe you're right I should just buy her some nice office supplies or something next year so she understands. Normally she is quite thoughtful and gets me like a household item but then combines it with something really nice and personal. This year though was just the Hoover and then other household stuff.

Its really difficult I don't know whether to read more into it or not. This past year she has been doing less and less around the house to the point that now she only does a little bit of washing up occasionally but i do everything else. I don't know if the Hoover signifies that she has now just started to think of me as just the 'little woman around the house' or that she thought the Hoover would be a good gift. Not sure how..

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clippityclop · 28/12/2015 12:26

I wouldn't say a word about the Christmas gifts, you got some really nice knives to help you do more than just basic cooking and people do often make Christnmas as an excuse to buy something for the house, we bought new equipment for our fish tank for example, other friends bought a new tv. Before your birthday, make a couple of suggestions for more personal things you'd like.

Cressandra · 28/12/2015 14:25

I wouldn't get too wound up in deep inner meanings. That way madness lies. And I agree that other couples do buy practical gifts and that's fine for them.

However if those presents made you feel a bit shit, that is reason enough to just say something now. If you'd messed up buying for your DP, would you rather just be told, adult to adult, or have them silently seethe about it for months and then make a big PA gesture on your next birthday? I do like the towels/tiles gift suggestions tbh but I think you need to start by just telling her how those presents made you feel. That looks really naff written down, I know.

Original poster
hazz1991 · 28/12/2015 15:53

Yeah maybe you are right. I think if it was me and a present i bought had made someone upset i would like to know so i wouldn't do it in future.

Im not sure wether to do the joke present idea or not so she realises but think i will definitely just talk to her first. It is good having a new dyson though lol they are definitely a lot better

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yumyumpoppycat · 28/12/2015 17:00

I wouldnt say anthing now, its too late, just drop hints closer to present buying time that you would like some fun presents next time as well as practical ones, maybe use your birthday as a chance to explain as less loaded than christmas. Chances are she has heard you saying I want a new hoover/knives and thought she was being thoughtful! Also so long as she is thoughtful in other ways that's the main thing.

Original poster
hazz1991 · 28/12/2015 18:22

yumyyumpoppycat maybe you are right and i shouldn't mention it. You made me doubt myself now. A lot of people think that i should though.

I find it difficult sometimes being a SAHD and feels like people judge me for it and then those presents just made me feel more like that seeing as they were all household gifts. I think thats why.

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