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Original poster

Uneven pressies

10 replies

Blankiefan · 23/12/2014 11:05

This seems really trivial but is playing on my mind ...

I've just wrapped the presents and I've spent loads more on DH than DD. She's 14 mo and doesn't need loads of stuff. And the stuff she likes isn't expensive. DH on the other hand (as I do) likes nice stuff....

But - it takes me back to just after she was born. We had to go up to the hospital with her and I took her as she was - no nappies, no change of clothes, no food. I on the other hand had a bag packed of stuff in case we we're there a while (iPad, books, snacks!!). She was days old and I just hadn't made the transition to motherhood. Obviously feel terrible about that - and when I look at the two piles of presents I feel the same...

Should I feel bad about it or is it just how it is? Do you spend more on DH than DC?

OP posts:
Jinglebells99 · 23/12/2014 11:13

I think Christmas is more about the children, so the children have more presents. But your dd is still young and won't notice this year ... WE ended up with far to much toys for our children though. The hospital thing, well she would have been tiny and if you were breast feeding then you wouldn't have needed to take anything food wise but different if bottle fed. I suppose it's a learning curve.

youbethemummylion · 23/12/2014 11:17

I do concern myself a little if the kids piles look uneven but wouldn't register if an adults and a Childs pile look different as they have different needs. Having said that I could never imagine an adult to get more than a child at Christmas, adults only get a token present in our house.

SolidGoldBrass · 23/12/2014 11:19

At 14 months she is not old enough to want much, need much or notice that her dad has more presents than she does. I think you're mixing this up with (unnecesary) guilt over the hospital trip, during which she clearly came to no harm. Enjoy your Christmas and stop worrying.

chanie44 · 23/12/2014 13:07

I agree, I think Xmas is for the children, but dd isn't going to care for the next few years.

TarnishdWithAshAndSootgremlin · 23/12/2014 15:02

The children are definitely our priority at Christmas, having said that DH and I work hard through the year on very little sleep so we do like to treat each other as well, as far as we can. It is an occasion for all the family, and there is nothing wrong with that. Your relationship is important to your child as well, it will not be a bad thing for her to see you giving each other gifts too, and spreads the focus a little.

Don't feel bad about how you acted after she was born. No one is super rational in the aftermath of their first baby, I know I wasn't. Becoming a mother isn't something that happens instantly on the moment of birth, it happens over many moments, and they will be different for everyone.

lecherslady · 23/12/2014 17:50

I buy them what they need or want. Some years, DH might want an expensive present, so I'll spend more on him. Other years the DDs want something expensive, so they'll get more.

I don't worry about cost at Christmas, but what they need / want (within the boundaries of what you can afford) and I've always worked from the policy that if you're happy with your presents, you won't care what others get. My mother always did this, and I always accepted that. One year my brother got the bike, the next year I did and so on... It all works out in the end.

And at 14 months. I'd definitely save the money. It probably seems ages away for you, but for me a year was not that long ago, and now I have an 11 year old requesting Hollister, Jack Wills and other labels I don't even buy myself. So make the most of the cheap presents whilst you can. It won't stay that way. Grin

marne2 · 23/12/2014 18:05

This year dh and I have expensive presents ( I have a camera and dh has a iPad mini ) plus a few smaller gifts so we have probably spent more on ourselves than the dd's but there have been a lot of years where we havn't bought each other anything ( as there has been nothing we needed or wanted ), the dd's don't even notice what dh and I have as they are too excited about what they have. I. Sure a 14 mo will not even notice what's going on.

CalamitouslyWrong · 23/12/2014 19:06

We've spent more on DH and I than on the children. They're getting what they want, which happens to cost less than what we want. The boys have bigger piles and more presents though.

I don't think the boys' presents are equal (in number, size or price). I never really gave it any thought. They're getting what they asked for and things they'll really love. They're also 5 and 14 so there are always big differences in what they get anyway. Neither of them thinks this is in any way a problem.

Cooki3Monst3r · 23/12/2014 19:13

Like most people here, we don't put in as much effort into each other's Christmas presents as we used to as it's now about the DCs.

However, DHs always costs more, even though his pile will be much smaller than the DCs. We usually spend about £300ish on each other vs £150ish for each of the DCs. But that's only because adult stuff is expensive! New wallet for DH, £80. New purse for DC, £8. New necklace for me, £250. New necklace for DC, £8. See the difference?!!!

Please don't stress. It's not like the hospital. And you had only just given birth!! She won't notice.

HmmAnOxfordComma · 23/12/2014 20:05

Well we don't buy for adults at all in our family, but on ds's first and second Christmases we probably only spent £20 ish on him. They don't need much at that age do they? A bath toy, a few books, some blocks?

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