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Original poster

How much would you expect?

31 replies

BankerMommy2010 · 16/10/2013 10:27

I asked a member of my family what they would like for Christmas, I don't normally do this but last year, after I had purchased their gift I got an email requesting an item!!! I had to tell her that I had already done my shopping, but then didn't feel quite so happy with the gift I had already purchased. .. anyway, im quite good at shopping around or finding gifts that look a lot more tjan they actually are, we don't have a budget but I dont normally spend loads, last year I got her hubby's gift in the jan sales and her gift was partly bought with advantage points..
Sooooo. They have now requested vouchers for expensive restaurants...how much do I give without looking tight x.

OP posts:
attheendoftheday · 16/10/2013 10:33

I think they are being rude! I would buy a voucher for whatever you'd normally spend and give it no more thought. They should feel embarrassed, not you!

MmmmWhiteWine · 16/10/2013 10:39

Ooh, tricky one! Could you get the vouchers jointly for both her and her husband so doubling your budget and making it look a bit more? Hard to say an amount without knowing your family....in our family adult presents are small so it would be no more than £30 combined....

WallyBantersJunkBox · 16/10/2013 10:43

An email requesting an item.....for two grown adults?

I agree £30 combined value voucher sounds perfectly generous to me.

Out of complete curiosity - what do they get you???

Original poster
BankerMommy2010 · 16/10/2013 10:49

Im happy spending £15 each (they will think ive spent more) normally I can shop around and get them something worth more but for less... with a voucher I have to decide on a price.. £30 seems like im being tight... but then we have a little one to buy for... I have to prioritise him, ive suggested in the past they just buy for our son as it takes the pressure on us buying proper gifts for them but she wasn't happy withthat and said she hardly has anyone to buy for as it is x

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girlywhirly · 16/10/2013 10:50

I would be inclined to give what I would normally spend on them, I don't think it's tight to do this. I can understand that maybe they don't want lots of 'things' for Christmas and would prefer a luxury experience instead, but you should not be made to feel that your gift is substandard in any way.

Are they asking this of everyone in the family, could you all club together and present the vouchers as a family gift? Then no individual contribution could be identified.

Original poster
BankerMommy2010 · 16/10/2013 10:51

Yes, she emailed saying she had seen something shed like (which was over what I would spend) and would I like to buy it for her for Christmas. I did think it was cheeky tbh... we normally get perfume/aftershave and our son get a gift

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WallyBantersJunkBox · 16/10/2013 10:52

£30 would still get a nice bottle of wine or two desserts though? Even expensive restaurants in the UK aren't that OTT.

Clubbing together is a good idea, I agree.

Original poster
BankerMommy2010 · 16/10/2013 10:54

I think im going to be forced into spending £40... £20 each
:-/

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Original poster
BankerMommy2010 · 16/10/2013 10:55

There isnt really anyone we could club together with..

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WallyBantersJunkBox · 16/10/2013 11:00

Then £40 is more than generous.

Then email her requesting a gift that costs £44.99.... (joking)

Original poster
BankerMommy2010 · 16/10/2013 11:12

Ive actually told her not to worry about gifts for us... (yes I am stupid) but im aware they buy for our son and I worry about people going to big expens :-/

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BeaLola · 16/10/2013 11:16

I wouldn't expect anything as I wouldn't have asked ... cheeky woman.

How old is yr DS - could he "make" a card to go with the voucher that has lots & lots of glitter on it for her .... how lovely that he has made her a card/picture & how lovely for her to clear up the glitter !

ThisIsMeNow · 16/10/2013 11:22

Don't be forced into spending more than you normally would, give them a £30 gv and that is it.
Seriously?! I can't believe how rude she was emailing you.
Find something you like this year and email her requesting it. Don't tell her not to bother with presents for you!

girlywhirly · 16/10/2013 11:25

Be careful that this is setting a precedent for more expensive than you would like gift requests in the future.

Original poster
BankerMommy2010 · 16/10/2013 11:32

Our ds is 3... good idea re glitter!

I think maybe my previous gifts are what's concerned me re voucher amount. .. the gifts I have bought in the past are easily £30-40 but ive got them reduced so id say in total their gifts have come in at £30ish but have been worth around £70

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girlywhirly · 16/10/2013 11:47

You could spend a bit more this year, and go back to your usual budget next year. Or cut back on what you spend on their next birthday gifts if you get them. It's not your fault you are a careful shopper. Also don't ask for any more suggestions unless you are really stumped for ideas.

3birthdaybunnies · 16/10/2013 13:14

Can't you just say that you have had to economise a bit this year, hence they still think previous gifts were not cheaper and then they have a chance to economise too.

I know from the other perspective I wasn't keen when dsis suggested just giving to children - she had two and I had none - I didn't know if I was going to be able to have any children and it felt as if my status without children meant that I was seen as just a giver - it wasn't about the cost for me as we've never been extravagent (never more than £10 per person) but that she didn't rate me as a person without children. There were many other comments about 'oh well when you have your own children you'll find out...' And yes the amount of plastic tat to wood ratio has increased but no I have never felt the need to tell a 2yr old that the police will come and put him in jail. I'm sure that you aren't like that but it is possible that if you have children and she doesn't then you saying just to give to ds will in some ways impact on her.

I would instead approach it from the perspective that money is a bit tight this year so why not have a family limit of 30-40, she can then decide for herself whether to give to just ds or to both of you too. At 3 he will have little idea of whether his present costs £5 and yours £20 or vice versa. She is then expecting vouchers to that limit unless she finds something else.

bamboostalks · 16/10/2013 13:16

What do they get you? Who are they? Why do you buy them gifts like this?

Original poster
BankerMommy2010 · 16/10/2013 13:29

I wasn't suggesting that I would not buy for them. .. I said not to buy for us as I felt it alot to buy for the 3 of us and for us to only buy for 2 obviously I would still buy for them, but if they didn't buy for us also the pressure would not be there for me to feel I have to buy them big presents

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Elizabeth22 · 16/10/2013 13:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
BankerMommy2010 · 16/10/2013 13:31

Can I just add... money isn't tight this year. . She is my sil but
We never see them so I don't see a need to lavish expensive gifts on them when there are people id rather buy for

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iheartdusty · 16/10/2013 13:32

a Tasetcard can be bought for abut £30...

Original poster
BankerMommy2010 · 16/10/2013 13:33

Can I just add... money isn't tight this year. . She is my sil but
We never see them so I don't see a need to lavish expensive gifts on them when there are people id rather buy for

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Teasgonecoldagain · 16/10/2013 13:38

Has she named specific restaurants? I would say £30 is reasonable and that's how much I would give.

As someone asked above, you can buy 'gift' tastecards, but they are £79.95 for a years membership

Original poster
BankerMommy2010 · 16/10/2013 13:55

Hubby has said £30 is tight and to do £40 :-/ I dont mind but I like to get a bargain :)

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