Step daughter and new born

[Worriedmom98]

Wanting peoples opinions, I have a 7 week old and my partner has a daughter to his ex partner who he pays plenty a month for - on our weekend to have her she’s come down with a sickness bug ( mother hadn’t informed us it was my step daughter that told us). I do not want me or my new born getting if can be prevented, with that my partner rang her and explained both of our worry’s this is the first time in 5 years we’ve ever had to do this, she proceeds to call him a sh*t dad and that we have to tell her ourselves “we don’t want her” and that she can’t believe we’re not having her. I understand she isn’t gonna be thrilled about our baby but do people not have any regard over a new borns health? she is now asking for an additional money of £20 to feed her for that evening meal and for meals the day after. I don’t want the argument but I also don’t want to put my new born at risk of a sickness bug if it can be prevented

Omg. It’s his child. He has to be a parent even if the kid is sick, not just when it’s convenient. You/he cant be a fair weather parent,
choosing only to take her no when convenient to you.

Im about to have my second child. Should I send oldest off to granny’s if she gets sick so as not to get the newborn sick? No. That’s not how families work. Likewise, if your partner got sick would you ship
him off to his mums? No. You’d deal with it. Don’t treat the poor girl like she’s optional when no one else is.

Well, plans change now and then, both ways, so mature, reasonable parents try to cooperate.

The teenager is ill this week and there's a newborn at the other house. It's one of few benefits of a child belonging to two households that they have an option that wouldn't exist if there was only one household. The ill kid can easily be kept away from the newborn. Who would want to risk a newborn becoming ill when it could easily be avoided by just switching days that week?

Next time, perhaps the teenager's mother will have to go out of town overnight unexpectedly or some other issue will come up on her end. And then the OP and her husband can keep the teenager, even if it's not one of THEIR scheduled days.

A parent who refuses to go with any give and take when it's for a good reason is a troublemaker. No one wins with that nonsense.

I think I'd leave it to DSD. She's old enough to come and keep away from baby and practice good hygiene, and also to decide she'd rather be with her mum when sick.

There are very few parents who get away with 300 pounds and four days a month as their contribution to parenting. I imagine his intention is to be more involved with this child.

Stepchild, biomother and stepmother, I think.

So a new baby arrives and she’s suddenly being told not to go to her dads like normal. How do you think that will make her feel?
he is a shit dad for doing that. If it’s not safe to have her in the house he needs to take her elsewhere but you can’t just cancel.

Presumably anyone saying she should stay with her mum would banish a child living with them if they got ill?

Yabu.

Doesn't step daughter just want to rest anyway? When I had D&V recently I isolated for a few days.

You just tend to keep to your room/bathroom don't you? Well hope it clears up soon and the dad can talk to daughter about cross contamination with a baby so small.

YANBU I wouldn’t send a sick child to a house with a newborn and you have said you will make the time up. Some of the replies on this thread are ludicrous.

Totally agree with this. Replies on this thread show a very poor understanding of the level of contagion of these bugs and how dangerous they can be for newborns.

She's 15- she's poorly so probably feels like crap anyway, it's really not a big deal and no, wouldn't risk bringing a sickness bug in the house with a newborn.

This

This is mumsnet .

The step child must come round no matter what .
Mumsnet hates step mums and worst of all they hate their children. Of course this up chucking child should stay away . But that’s my normal opinion, which does not apply on the forum .

These step mum bashers will manipulate / gaslight the fuck out of you OP. Just live your life and ignore their trash opinions . You won’t win.

The opening post says it was edited and people have clicked on the edit to see the original.

At 15, does she even want to come while she’s sick? What does she want to do?

Even when he was little, my ds didn’t want to go to his dads when sick. We would just re schedule so he didn’t have to go anywhere.

No way would I have her around either. Sorry to say this but this is where the trouble starts with his ex. If she was a nice person she would already have spoke to you prior but she is already starting the shitty behaviour, jealous tht he has moved on

Surely a child won’t go to the other parent if they are actually vomiting sick that day ?
How bonkers are people.

Personally I think it’s sensible not to spread sick bugs between houses. We’ve always done a weekend swap with the step children if we’ve got a bug in the house and the same the other way round too. There’s no point more people getting it when there’s a very obvious and sensible alternative.

Why do you think it is a good idea to invite someone into your home who has D and V?

A 7 week old baby is very vulnerable.

Quite frankly, I am shocked at the responses on this thread. I don't think the OP is being unreasonable at all to not want to risk it.

Also - it’s different if it’s member of the same household. That’s what my paediatrician said.

the step sibling doesn’t qualify as that. I would also not have her this we and rather propose a rain check. A 7 week old is super vulnerable. Why would anyone even suggest moving a sick kid on the weekend? That’s really odd. Her mother sounds also very manipulative. Telling her her dad doesn’t want her, wtf. No matter the differences you stay polite in front of the kids.

It’s just because it’s mumsnet and step mum hating . In real life no one would send a puking 15 year old to another house ( I am the single mum in this scenario and I wouldn’t ) , I would want the baby to be okay !!!Also not fair on the Ill kid !

The responses are so removed from common sense. Moving a sick kid around, potentially messing with a newborns health and piling on OP for protecting a seven week olds health. Insane!

rather question the step child’s mother shitty behavior.

Yes this is where it starts . OP could be in for a rough ride .

What do you think people do when they have 2 kids at home and one is sick? I’m sure the stepdaughter will be catching plenty of bugs from your baby once they start nursery!!

It’s hard risking illness around newborn but palming her off to her mum isn’t fair.

She’s 15. Just remind her to wash hands, don’t let her cuddle baby, make sure her dad sorts her laundry etc. If you’re really concerned take newborn to your parents.

But you have no choice then, do you?

There is a choice here. They do a different weekend. The 15 year old gets to stay at home and feel crap and there is no danger of passing bugs around.

There is no way I would have sent ds to his father’s house when he was sick. He wouldn’t have wanted to go anyway if he was feeling rough, especially at 15.

What is the benefit of a child going away just to lay somewhere else being sick and feeling awful?