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Original poster

Step daughter and new born

533 replies

Worriedmom98 · 19/04/2025 23:23

Wanting peoples opinions, I have a 7 week old and my partner has a daughter to his ex partner who he pays plenty a month for - on our weekend to have her she’s come down with a sickness bug ( mother hadn’t informed us it was my step daughter that told us). I do not want me or my new born getting if can be prevented, with that my partner rang her and explained both of our worry’s this is the first time in 5 years we’ve ever had to do this, she proceeds to call him a sh*t dad and that we have to tell her ourselves “we don’t want her” and that she can’t believe we’re not having her. I understand she isn’t gonna be thrilled about our baby but do people not have any regard over a new borns health? she is now asking for an additional money of £20 to feed her for that evening meal and for meals the day after. I don’t want the argument but I also don’t want to put my new born at risk of a sickness bug if it can be prevented

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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Jumpers4goalposts · 22/04/2025 10:00

Nightlight6 · 22/04/2025 07:48

Are you not reading the same thread as me? OP has said her SD is sick and doesn’t want her new born getting sick either. Look at the facts instead of making stories up in your head, that she “might be better now” your trying to down play a illness thats being exposed to a new born the only dramatics here is that no-one can comprehend SD misses out on a weekend that OP has said will make up..

Pretty sure it doesn’t state anywhere the timescales or severity of the sickness bug. There are no facts so you are assuming the same amount as I am.

Goodtogossip · 22/04/2025 11:07

What would you have done if you had another child & they were sick just after you'd given birth? You can't really expect not to have his Daughter stay with you. However, you can ask DH to take her out & keep her separate from the baby as much as possible so as not to pass anything on.

steelingmyself · 22/04/2025 11:26

envbeckyc · 22/04/2025 00:03

Yes the guidance states:

Stay off school or work until you've not been sick or had diarrhoea for at least 2 days.
If you have a high temperature or do not feel well enough to do your normal activities, try to stay at home and avoid contact with other people until you feel better.

I highlight the ‘stay at home and avoid contact with other people until you feel better’

A newborn baby must fall within that guidance!

There is a chance that the Stepdaughter could have Norovirus which is particularly dangerous for newborns!

Only a hateful parent would consider sending an infected child to a family with a newborn baby in it! I add that the mum also insisted on having money to look after her own sick daughter!

Anyone with a soul wouldn’t behave like that…

If a child is sick then they need to be isolated and looked after wherever they have the illness! To want to spread it around is disgraceful!

www.gov.uk/government/news/ukhsa-warns-of-potential-second-norovirus-wave

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Yes I read that too. In the case of SD, being at dads would also be home…

Dad should definitely explain the guidance to SD and if he’s made the decision she can’t stay with him he needs to explain that to her - it’s not on mum!

envbeckyc · 22/04/2025 11:36

steelingmyself · 22/04/2025 11:26

Yes I read that too. In the case of SD, being at dads would also be home…

Dad should definitely explain the guidance to SD and if he’s made the decision she can’t stay with him he needs to explain that to her - it’s not on mum!

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The idea of the guidance is clearly to reduce transmission of an illness, so avoiding contact with other people would mean not going to another household that is infection free! This is the purpose of Quarantine for people who are ill!

You obviously don’t care or understand how transmission works! Likewise if SD was ill whist staying a OPs house it would be completely unreasonable to send her home to spread an infection in her mothers house, especially if it contained someone who was more vulnerable to infection!

cinnamongirl123 · 22/04/2025 12:18

YABVVU
If you dont want baby to get sick, find some other solution - maybe dad and SD go away or stay at relatives.
It is really sad how you are talking about SD and treating her. You are cold and horrible

RampantIvy · 22/04/2025 12:32

Goodtogossip · 22/04/2025 11:07

What would you have done if you had another child & they were sick just after you'd given birth? You can't really expect not to have his Daughter stay with you. However, you can ask DH to take her out & keep her separate from the baby as much as possible so as not to pass anything on.

Yet more irrelevant whataboutery Hmm

RampantIvy · 22/04/2025 12:33

cinnamongirl123 · 22/04/2025 12:18

YABVVU
If you dont want baby to get sick, find some other solution - maybe dad and SD go away or stay at relatives.
It is really sad how you are talking about SD and treating her. You are cold and horrible

No you are.
You clearly don't understand how these viruses are spread.

A tiny baby's health trumps everything else here.

Nightlight6 · 22/04/2025 12:51

Goodtogossip · 22/04/2025 11:07

What would you have done if you had another child & they were sick just after you'd given birth? You can't really expect not to have his Daughter stay with you. However, you can ask DH to take her out & keep her separate from the baby as much as possible so as not to pass anything on.

where exactly would you like her to go with a sickness bug?

motherhen27 · 22/04/2025 13:52

Goodtogossip · 22/04/2025 11:07

What would you have done if you had another child & they were sick just after you'd given birth? You can't really expect not to have his Daughter stay with you. However, you can ask DH to take her out & keep her separate from the baby as much as possible so as not to pass anything on.

This is such a pointless comment. What if, what if. But it isn’t a what if. It’s a situation where the child has two homes and it makes absolute sense for her not to infect both of them, especially not the one where a newborn baby resides!

motherhen27 · 22/04/2025 13:53

cinnamongirl123 · 22/04/2025 12:18

YABVVU
If you dont want baby to get sick, find some other solution - maybe dad and SD go away or stay at relatives.
It is really sad how you are talking about SD and treating her. You are cold and horrible

Yeah let’s go infect the father and maybe some elderly relatives too. Let’s spread it between as many households as possible. Or, back on planet earth, she could just stay at home with her MOTHER and contain the virus as much as possible like any responsible person would do.

cinnamongirl123 · 22/04/2025 14:27

@Nightlight6 @motherhen27 @RampantIvy lol we can all see where your “concern” is coming from, and how horrible you’re being to the stepdaughter. People in families get sick all the time, and can’t just be shipped back to another parent. Staying at the mother’s is not an option, end of! So it’s up to the dad to sort something out - SD is his daughter, a family member, a member of the household, OP’s house is SD’s home - SD is not disposable. I’m sure he is capable of figuring something out.

Nightlight6 · 22/04/2025 14:30

cinnamongirl123 · 22/04/2025 14:27

@Nightlight6 @motherhen27 @RampantIvy lol we can all see where your “concern” is coming from, and how horrible you’re being to the stepdaughter. People in families get sick all the time, and can’t just be shipped back to another parent. Staying at the mother’s is not an option, end of! So it’s up to the dad to sort something out - SD is his daughter, a family member, a member of the household, OP’s house is SD’s home - SD is not disposable. I’m sure he is capable of figuring something out.

Is her mother not family also? Have you never compromised especially under the circumstances of a new borns health? - have you ever stop to think how horrible your being towards a mum and her new born? Or have you forgotten how hard post partum can be without the added stress and anxiety that they could both get sick?

Nightlight6 · 22/04/2025 14:31

Nightlight6 · 22/04/2025 14:30

Is her mother not family also? Have you never compromised especially under the circumstances of a new borns health? - have you ever stop to think how horrible your being towards a mum and her new born? Or have you forgotten how hard post partum can be without the added stress and anxiety that they could both get sick?

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Why is it okay for her mother to “ship” her over to her dads when she is sick also?

cinnamongirl123 · 22/04/2025 14:40

Nightlight6 · 22/04/2025 14:30

Is her mother not family also? Have you never compromised especially under the circumstances of a new borns health? - have you ever stop to think how horrible your being towards a mum and her new born? Or have you forgotten how hard post partum can be without the added stress and anxiety that they could both get sick?

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Presumably there is a legal agreement detailing custody arrangements between the parents. Staying at the mother’s is not an option. The dad and stepmother are responsible for the girl for the weekend. The stepmother may not like it, but this is the simple reality of being a stepmother - you cant just ship off the stepchild when its not convenient, you need to find alternatives.

Nightlight6 · 22/04/2025 15:24

cinnamongirl123 · 22/04/2025 14:40

Presumably there is a legal agreement detailing custody arrangements between the parents. Staying at the mother’s is not an option. The dad and stepmother are responsible for the girl for the weekend. The stepmother may not like it, but this is the simple reality of being a stepmother - you cant just ship off the stepchild when its not convenient, you need to find alternatives.

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If your DC wanted to stay home and not go to their dads because they were sick would you force them to still go just because it was his weekend or would you let them stay at home?

steelingmyself · 22/04/2025 15:38

Nightlight6 · 22/04/2025 14:31

Why is it okay for her mother to “ship” her over to her dads when she is sick also?

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I don’t think it’s ok for her to be shipped anywhere… I think she should have the choice to stay with her mum, or to stay with her dad as she usually would on this weekend. They are both her home 🤷🏻‍♀️ She has a blended household in a sense!

If dad talked to her directly perhaps he could appeal to her better nature and convince her it’s sensible to stay at mums — ultimately I can see why mum feels it’s not her job to be the messenger!

RampantIvy · 22/04/2025 16:13

cinnamongirl123 · 22/04/2025 14:27

@Nightlight6 @motherhen27 @RampantIvy lol we can all see where your “concern” is coming from, and how horrible you’re being to the stepdaughter. People in families get sick all the time, and can’t just be shipped back to another parent. Staying at the mother’s is not an option, end of! So it’s up to the dad to sort something out - SD is his daughter, a family member, a member of the household, OP’s house is SD’s home - SD is not disposable. I’m sure he is capable of figuring something out.

Don't be silly.

Staying at the mother's house is always an option. Are you always so inflexible about arrangements?

Common sense dictates that bringing D and V into a household where there is a tiny baby is a stupid idea.

MummytoE · 22/04/2025 16:16

RampantIvy · 22/04/2025 12:33

No you are.
You clearly don't understand how these viruses are spread.

A tiny baby's health trumps everything else here.

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No bashing a step mum trumps everything!

croydon15 · 22/04/2025 16:58

motherhen27 · 22/04/2025 13:53

Yeah let’s go infect the father and maybe some elderly relatives too. Let’s spread it between as many households as possible. Or, back on planet earth, she could just stay at home with her MOTHER and contain the virus as much as possible like any responsible person would do.

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This makes sense.

Seymour5 · 22/04/2025 16:58

Nightlight6 · 22/04/2025 14:31

Why is it okay for her mother to “ship” her over to her dads when she is sick also?

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it’s absolutely not. Where is the common sense and empathy in making anyone who is sick leave the house? I’ve been gobsmacked by this thread, I didn’t realise that so many separated and/or divorced parents played these sorts of games! Thank goodness the ones I know have some emotional intelligence, and some flexibility.

Nightlight6 · 22/04/2025 17:23

Seymour5 · 22/04/2025 16:58

it’s absolutely not. Where is the common sense and empathy in making anyone who is sick leave the house? I’ve been gobsmacked by this thread, I didn’t realise that so many separated and/or divorced parents played these sorts of games! Thank goodness the ones I know have some emotional intelligence, and some flexibility.

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exaxtly it’s only not okay when it suits the BM and they can change and bend the rules when suits and what they think is best for their DC while the SM is expected to be a door mat and has no say or rights over her DC

TheIceBear · 22/04/2025 17:46

cinnamongirl123 · 22/04/2025 14:40

Presumably there is a legal agreement detailing custody arrangements between the parents. Staying at the mother’s is not an option. The dad and stepmother are responsible for the girl for the weekend. The stepmother may not like it, but this is the simple reality of being a stepmother - you cant just ship off the stepchild when its not convenient, you need to find alternatives.

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There has to be some flexibility when the health of a newborn baby is being compromised. Your post is ludicrous , sorry.

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 22/04/2025 19:14

cinnamongirl123 · 22/04/2025 14:27

@Nightlight6 @motherhen27 @RampantIvy lol we can all see where your “concern” is coming from, and how horrible you’re being to the stepdaughter. People in families get sick all the time, and can’t just be shipped back to another parent. Staying at the mother’s is not an option, end of! So it’s up to the dad to sort something out - SD is his daughter, a family member, a member of the household, OP’s house is SD’s home - SD is not disposable. I’m sure he is capable of figuring something out.

Don’t be so silly. Where is your compassion for the SD being dug out of a sick bed and shipped out to her dads for no other reason than it’s ’his turn’. There has to be give and take, and in my experience what goes around comes around. As DD’s mum will no doubt find out.

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 22/04/2025 19:25

steelingmyself · 22/04/2025 15:38

I don’t think it’s ok for her to be shipped anywhere… I think she should have the choice to stay with her mum, or to stay with her dad as she usually would on this weekend. They are both her home 🤷🏻‍♀️ She has a blended household in a sense!

If dad talked to her directly perhaps he could appeal to her better nature and convince her it’s sensible to stay at mums — ultimately I can see why mum feels it’s not her job to be the messenger!

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Which do you think is more sensible - telling DD (who is fifteen and old enough to understand) her visit needs to be delayed a few days so that she doesn’t pass on the infection to her baby sibling, or allowing the visit to go ahead and then having to explain to DD that as a result her baby sibling is now in hospital, or worse, having contracted the virus before their immune system has matured enough to cope with it ?

This is one of the most batshit threads l’ve ever come across on MN and is a perfect example of the abject hatred MN has for step parents. Everyone in this thread knows what needs to be done to ensure infection control. But throw a step child into the mix and suddenly people lose their minds and a postpartum mum who’s anxious to avoid a potentially lethal virus being passed on to her new born, is suddenly transformed into a wicked stepmother.

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 22/04/2025 19:29

cinnamongirl123 · 22/04/2025 14:40

Presumably there is a legal agreement detailing custody arrangements between the parents. Staying at the mother’s is not an option. The dad and stepmother are responsible for the girl for the weekend. The stepmother may not like it, but this is the simple reality of being a stepmother - you cant just ship off the stepchild when its not convenient, you need to find alternatives.

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It isn’t the step parent trying to ship her SD out, it’s actually DD’s own mother insisting her child get off a sick bed and go to her dad’s because ‘his turn’. Of course staying at her mothers’ is an option - there has to be flexibility in any arrangement, as l hope the bio mum will find out when she needs a favour..