Step daughter and new born

[Worriedmom98]

Wanting peoples opinions, I have a 7 week old and my partner has a daughter to his ex partner who he pays plenty a month for - on our weekend to have her she’s come down with a sickness bug ( mother hadn’t informed us it was my step daughter that told us). I do not want me or my new born getting if can be prevented, with that my partner rang her and explained both of our worry’s this is the first time in 5 years we’ve ever had to do this, she proceeds to call him a sh*t dad and that we have to tell her ourselves “we don’t want her” and that she can’t believe we’re not having her. I understand she isn’t gonna be thrilled about our baby but do people not have any regard over a new borns health? she is now asking for an additional money of £20 to feed her for that evening meal and for meals the day after. I don’t want the argument but I also don’t want to put my new born at risk of a sickness bug if it can be prevented

I‘m not in it any more OP, I put up with it all for 11 years and then I’d had enough. Not the child’s fault of course, all down to my ex. I tried so hard but nothing I did was ever right or enough.

who he pays plenty a month for
eek. That says so much.
the edit said far more.

I edited it as someone said the amount wasn’t relevant

That sounds really tough, I hope you are getting on better now

OP - what do you think people do when they have more than one child? Banish DC1 if they have a cold, if there is a baby DC2 in the house? What if DH gets ill - does he beed to go to a hotel?

I think you are being unfair, and possibly over anxious. SD should be able to see her dad and can easily stay away from baby.

They probably meant the tact he pays maintenance isn't relevant as that is the expected bare minimum of the nrp.

Not relevant

You’re not in the wrong OP. I think mothers are forgetting the strong instinctive urge to protect your own newborn baby against any form of illness/danger, especially your first. Why put him/her at risk when it can be avoided?
It’s not nice to do that for anyone, but sometimes it has to be. Everybody will get over it

But OP you made it so much worse by claiming £300 was plenty!

do you think your husband pays enough towards his daughter? The implication in your post is that you think it’s very generous. Perhaps even you resent that amount.

The other side of this would be step parents do not treat their partners previous children the same as they do their own biological children. Little thought goes in to how it makes the step child feel when these situations arise. When they are told they have two loving homes, but situations arise and restrictions apply.

Anyhow, if I was the step child’s mother I’d be happy for her to stay home so it wouldn’t be a problem. But I don’t agree with the other home picking and choosing when it suits them.

I think you are being unreasonable yes. You could take your baby to stay somewhere else rather than telling SD she isn't welcome.

Also, given that SD is 15, shouldn't your husband be at the point of sorting out her visits with his daughter directly, rather than going through her mom?

A new borns health is more important than a 15 year old feelings

I get you. But we don’t have any family around so would have nowhere to ‘send’ a child to that was sick - also not sure sharing germs with further family is also okay. Not everyone has that luxury.

Yeah you’re right it isn’t the same but the point is the SD is immediate family and is his daughter and shouldnt be excluded from the family.

Of course it’a relevant.

OP doesn't think of step-daughter as family. And it’s wrong.
If stepD was Op’s - she would bot be kicking her oit of the house in this situation. And if H came home with a cold - OP would not be packing his bag to send him to a hotel.
StepD IS this baby’s family and should not be treated as a stranger.

it’s not hard to stay away from baby to limit exposure. But it’s unfair to not have SD not see her dad.

The op does have some where to send her her step daughter though, which keeps her new baby safe. It's only one weekend not sure what the big deal is

This can’t be real surely ?! Poor step kid

Your husband's ex is being ridiculous and nasty. Her attitude reeks of jealousy. Just ignore her.

I agree with you 100% about keeping anyone who is ill away from your newborn if there's a chance they might be contagious. I can't imagine that anyone with an ounce of sense would think otherwise.

Anyway, a fifteen-year-old who has a boyfriend is well able to take care of herself so I don't see what her mother has to start trouble over. Trying to charge you for the food the girl might eat there is stupid.

Hopefully the next three years fly by and then your SD will be an adult and you won't have to deal with her mother anymore!

Interesting idea about ruling the roost - first her mum was replaced by a new wife, now she is being replaced. I'd rather not rule the roost if that is what it takes.

I disagree with the above post that SC is ruling the roost. If I only saw one of my DC twice a month it would be my absolute priority to put them first . And if I were the OP and worried (which I totally understand ; I was very protective of ours too) it isn't usually that hard to just keep a distance as a one off as I spent a lot time resting in a bedroom with a newborn .

It shouldn’t be in question on whether or not the step daughter should be allowed to come over. All families with any more than one child manage. Personally, I’ve never hear of children/teenagers being sent elsewhere when a newborn is in the house because they are unwell. Would this step mum be having these suggestions if the step daughter was her biological daughter? - no, she wouldn’t.

Where was £300 mentioned? I can only see £20 in the opening post.

If the girl is ill she isn't going to want to go anywhere, Her mother would surely not push her out of the door if she was really sick. However she could be over it now. Is it an airborne bug? I would have thought it easy enough to keep her from touching the baby for the short time she is with you.

I sincerely hope her mum doesn't make a big thing out of her daughter costing an extra £20 through being unable to go to her dad's on one occasion. That's awful.

It sounds to me as though her mother wants her out of the way, probably has plans. However when you have kids, plans change.

I hope all is sorted out satisfactorily, op, and that both children are well.

I agree this is the source of these sort of problems - step parents not seeing their step children as immediate family. Like they are optional when the circumstances suit them. The biological dad’s should speak up for their children and not tolerate this from their partners.

Unfortunately your edit makes it look like you're trying to hide the amount, because you dont think it's a lot

So you are wondering whether having said she can’t come that the ex is off asking for money to have her stay - surely that makes sense she stays but he pays for it?