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Original poster

Step daughter and new born

533 replies

Worriedmom98 · 19/04/2025 23:23

Wanting peoples opinions, I have a 7 week old and my partner has a daughter to his ex partner who he pays plenty a month for - on our weekend to have her she’s come down with a sickness bug ( mother hadn’t informed us it was my step daughter that told us). I do not want me or my new born getting if can be prevented, with that my partner rang her and explained both of our worry’s this is the first time in 5 years we’ve ever had to do this, she proceeds to call him a sh*t dad and that we have to tell her ourselves “we don’t want her” and that she can’t believe we’re not having her. I understand she isn’t gonna be thrilled about our baby but do people not have any regard over a new borns health? she is now asking for an additional money of £20 to feed her for that evening meal and for meals the day after. I don’t want the argument but I also don’t want to put my new born at risk of a sickness bug if it can be prevented

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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AnotherVice · 19/04/2025 23:26

Er yes, you/he are being unreasonable. Literally millions of newborns live with children. Are you breastfeeding? That's the best way to reduce gastric illness.

fluffylamb6 · 19/04/2025 23:26

I don’t know why you’ve mentioned £300? How is it relevant

Original poster
Worriedmom98 · 19/04/2025 23:28

I’m not no, it never came in

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 19/04/2025 23:28

It’s fair enough to not want her round your newborn if she’s sick.

but the answer to that is not for her father to just not see her! That would be a horrible thing to do. Way to go to make her feel pushed out. Especially as it sounds like he only sees her EOW, from your post as it is. So - he wouldn’t see her for a month?

what I would do is that he should have his daughter as usual and take her on an adventure some where. A little holiday for the two of them.

Stickortwigs · 19/04/2025 23:29

She’s a family member, family members get ill, I think you have to accept that’s life and stick to routine personally.

justasking111 · 19/04/2025 23:29

If you had the sickness bug and gave it to her daughter she wouldn't be happy either. Just give her the money.

Billionthtimeivenamechanged2025 · 19/04/2025 23:30

Difficult, I can understand both sides as I wouldn't want my newborn catching an illness and at the same time if it was my dd I would feel like this was the start if her being pushed out. Can you suggest her coming round as soon as she's better even if it'd not her dad's day to have her

Billionthtimeivenamechanged2025 · 19/04/2025 23:30

arethereanyleftatall · 19/04/2025 23:28

It’s fair enough to not want her round your newborn if she’s sick.

but the answer to that is not for her father to just not see her! That would be a horrible thing to do. Way to go to make her feel pushed out. Especially as it sounds like he only sees her EOW, from your post as it is. So - he wouldn’t see her for a month?

what I would do is that he should have his daughter as usual and take her on an adventure some where. A little holiday for the two of them.

Yeah this really. Her dad should still be doing somthing with her, will just have to be out of the house

Idonthavemytoolsmycloak · 19/04/2025 23:30

God of course you're not being unreasonable. Plenty of people (inc me) go to any lengths to avoid a d&v bug!

arethereanyleftatall · 19/04/2025 23:31

Also - £300 is not ‘a lot of money’ - it’s a reasonable contribution towards his own child. The fact that you’ve written it as if it’s a virtue that he contributes to his own dds upbringing is weird.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 19/04/2025 23:32

YABtotallyU. Just have her spend her time with her dad and tell her that she can't hold baby while she's poorly but she can cuddle daddy lots. Her dad's home is her home, to say she can't be in her home when she's poorly is insane. If you're that concerned then take baby to your mums and stay away while she's there.

Cece92 · 19/04/2025 23:32

My daughter has a wee brother he’s a baby and I personally wouldn’t send her if she had a sickness bug but if he had one I wouldn’t be bothered by her going but I’d probably rather she didn’t . I think though if you have more than one kid they are bound to get it. It happens. I wouldn’t cause world war 3 about it at all. I’d understand if they said don’t send her over incase she spread it.

Tbrh · 19/04/2025 23:32

He is a shit Dad, if it were your child that was sick would you be sending it somewhere else? Let alone begrudge money for additional food. This is going to determine how your SD feels about herself. Very sad to read, but if you're that worried how about her Dad take her away somewhere for the weekend instead so she won't feel completely rejected?

justasking111 · 19/04/2025 23:35

My baby was four months old when he caught a sickness bug. He had to be admitted to hospital.

MynameisJune · 19/04/2025 23:35

He pays £300 a month, only has her every other weekend and jumps at the chance to tell her he can’t see her because of his new family.

What a catch he is and what a pair you make.

Tallyho15 · 19/04/2025 23:35

What if she lived with you full time. Kids get bugs - they pass them to siblings. It’s life! YABU

MummytoE · 19/04/2025 23:36

Yanbu for trying to protect your wee baby

Spankmeonthebottomwithawomansweekly · 19/04/2025 23:38

Your SC is not an optional extra. Shame on you

Zippityjumpingbean · 19/04/2025 23:38

I think the key for me here is wether you’re planning to make up the time with her when she’s better?

I mean it’s understandable to want to keep somebody who’s ill away from your baby but not ok to just say “tough you miss out because you’re ill”
make sure the older child doesn’t feel pushed out by a new baby.

also, it sounds as if mum does most of the parenting and dad does EoW in which case it’s some much needed down time for her…equally not unreasonable (being a single parent is tough)

steelingmyself · 19/04/2025 23:40

Read the OP and none of the responses, on purpose.

I am a SM, with a SD. I have a son who goes to a Step-family. YABU!!

PluckyBamboo · 19/04/2025 23:40

Wonder if you'll think £300 is loads if you end up as a single parent.....

YABU, he should really have his DD 50% of the time not an odd weekend when it suits. Imagine his DD feeling she isn't wanted anymore as her Dad has a new baby now...

If you are that worried, head out to a hotel for the weekend and insist on your DH deep cleaning before you get home.

Original poster
Worriedmom98 · 19/04/2025 23:40

100% we’d make the time up! She’s 15 now and is hard to take her away from friends / boyfriend

OP posts:
HereintheloveofChristIstand · 19/04/2025 23:42

If she lived with you full time what would you do- shut her in her room?

MummytoE · 19/04/2025 23:42

Worriedmom98 · 19/04/2025 23:40

100% we’d make the time up! She’s 15 now and is hard to take her away from friends / boyfriend

What has she said about the situation, given she is probably old enough to have an opinion

MeganM3 · 19/04/2025 23:43

Blended families are soo difficult. You would be making a mistake to try and push her out.
She is his child and he should be caring for her when he is scheduled to look after her, sick or not.
It’s not optional. Why should mum have to step in and adapt, when there is an agreement in place. You & baby can go elsewhere if you really feel worried.