Step daughter and new born

[Worriedmom98]

Wanting peoples opinions, I have a 7 week old and my partner has a daughter to his ex partner who he pays plenty a month for - on our weekend to have her she’s come down with a sickness bug ( mother hadn’t informed us it was my step daughter that told us). I do not want me or my new born getting if can be prevented, with that my partner rang her and explained both of our worry’s this is the first time in 5 years we’ve ever had to do this, she proceeds to call him a sh*t dad and that we have to tell her ourselves “we don’t want her” and that she can’t believe we’re not having her. I understand she isn’t gonna be thrilled about our baby but do people not have any regard over a new borns health? she is now asking for an additional money of £20 to feed her for that evening meal and for meals the day after. I don’t want the argument but I also don’t want to put my new born at risk of a sickness bug if it can be prevented

If Dad only has her 4 days a month, then 300 works out to about 11.53 a day. You just had your first, but you will soon discover that does not even touch half the daily cost of raising a child.

it is reasonable to keep a 15yo and a newborn separated if the older one has a contagious illness. As well as making attempts to prevent disease spread to the adults. It would be better to give her the choice of doing that within the household or to stay elsewhere since she has that option.

It should be up to the teen though. She should know that the one will be divided into zones and there will be ridiculous amounts of hand washing. She might prefer to stay home and visit the next weekend.’

if she chooses to stay at her mother’s, then helping her mother out with the added expense she is the least you can do. Her household is already getting by with little support. Helping with the unexpected expense is perfectly fair.

Yes I was scratching my head at that.

Both OP and the mum seem to have strange attitudes to CM.

Wrong - stays Friday Sat sun every other weekend and a day through the week for dinner

I see you've now edited your OP in order to remove the £300, because people are pointing out that it isn't very much too pay towards the upkeep of a child.

While I understand your instinct to protect your baby, I strongly feel it doesn’t overrule that your SD should be able to stay at her home (though she may have two, neither are less important, and it doesn’t make her disposable at either!)

Get her to wash her hands / don’t cough / sneeze / go near her little sister - as you would if she lived with you full time!

OP you are coming across quite resentful about the child support your husband pays for this child.

If you think £300 a month is plenty then you are going to be shocked by how much your own child costs.

If she has a sickness bug she should be steering clear until at least 48 hours without D or V. I am a nurse and I am shocked at multiple posters on here just expecting you to welcome her in with open arms.
This is nothing to do with you apparently not wanting to see stepdaughter, this is a genuine health concern because you do not want D&V to spread to you, your partner or baby.

Shame on all of the previous posts who have actively encouraged the DSS to come to stay without actually evaluating the situation.

Its because sc/bm can do no wrong and sm can do no right, didn't you no 😂

What does SC BM and SM mean? Sorry

So if the daughter was a full
sibling and lived with you and got ill what would you do?

Totally possible scenario and you wouldn’t turf out the girl if she was your daughter would you? People get ill. Your partner may pick up an illness from work - should he stay on a hotel. Or is it just his daughter that is the concern?

You are being completely unreasonable and quite frankly horrible to your SC about money, her seeing her Dad, selfish abiut your family and excluding her.

Really not cool OP.

If someone lives in the same house they should stay in that house and in their room until they are 48 hours clear.
It does not matter if they are your daughter or great aunt, they should remain in their room using one bathroom until clear.
I’m not sure why you think social relationships mean it’s fine to actively disperse D&V among others. It is an illness and it is temporary.

I think OP got everyone’s backs up by opening her post by claiming the Child support was plenty. That set the tone for the responses. Everyone also assumed the are daughter was much younger.

keeping an ill child a ay from a new baby is common sense. money is clearly an issue between the parents, with OP sniping on the sidelines.

i wonder will OP think her husband is very generous if they split up and she is the one receiving the £300 a month.

That’s fair, but the money issue and the illness issue are two separate things.
We need to focus on the immediate issue which is the illness and I’ve already said that the stepdaughter should not be leaving her house whatsoever until 48 hours clear, it doesn’t matter if Jesus Christ himself has arrived to meet her in another house.

YANBU. Did noone learn anything from covid? FGS these answers really show the intelligence of the population don't they?

No she cannot come round its not that you dont want her its that she is poorly. Send her a gift - something crafty she can do whilst she's ill.

Tell her DM to fo one ref £20 to feed her, tell her you'll catch up on not seeing her this time instead.

Your baby is susceptible to illnesses esp as you can't BF :( And just to be clear people in a family share bacteria/bugs and hence immunity. The DSD doesn't live either op enough for this shield to form.

Also if you and your DH get ill whose going to look after the baby, neither of you are immune to the sickness bug.

Poor DSD too - her mum wants to ship her out even though she's ill. Wtf.

💯!!

I think people are annoyed with OP for her comments about money (annd IMO rightfully so) and are therefore giving advice I’m sure they wouldn’t want if they were in her shoes with a 7 week old newbie.

for everyone saying she should come over and stay in her room - wouldn’t it be nicer for the 15 year old to stay in a house where she could leave her room? Plus these viruses can be spread through contaminated surfaces and inhalation too. There’s a very simple solution to the protection of this newborn even if we don’t agree with some of the mums approach

Eh, she’s 15 and actively sick? Surely she doesn’t even want to have to change houses?

Also unsure at the poster who asked what you would do if it was your partner staying at a hotel and came down with D&V, would you force him to stay there?
No you wouldn’t - you’d encourage them to come to their home and stay there until clear. The DSD home is with their mother, not their father; so that’s where they would go. I’m confused by the exactness of it.

If DSD was to become ill at your home I’d probably encourage her to remain there to prevent spread out of the house. There’s no sense in moving her.

See, people keep using the argument but I genuinely don't think it would be bad to send a sibling to stay with granny, for example ,for the weekend in these circumstances. If it were too literally keep a new born baby safe. Anyway it's not relevant cause this is not the situation the op finds herself in

Sorry... It's step child ,birth mum and step mum x

Poor granny 🤣🤣

Ah OP, welcome to the world of step-parenting, where your concerns will never be heard and your needs and those of your child will never be met. You will be expected to have the stepchild come whatever may, you shouldn’t be concerned about your child getting sick, you should relish the prospect and be delighted about it if they do. It’s a mugs game, I speak from bitter experience.

Yes you should still have your step daughter even when she is ill, why should you not? What would you do if you were her biological mother and had a newborn? Surely you wouldn’t have your own child move out…why should this be any different for a step daughter? Your partner is as much her Dad as your newborn baby’s Dad.

I would send over the £20. The money that your dsd’s mum is getting doesn’t touch the sides when it comes to raising a teenager.

you’ve got to be in it to understand I think 😂

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