Step daughter and new born

[Worriedmom98]

Wanting peoples opinions, I have a 7 week old and my partner has a daughter to his ex partner who he pays plenty a month for - on our weekend to have her she’s come down with a sickness bug ( mother hadn’t informed us it was my step daughter that told us). I do not want me or my new born getting if can be prevented, with that my partner rang her and explained both of our worry’s this is the first time in 5 years we’ve ever had to do this, she proceeds to call him a sh*t dad and that we have to tell her ourselves “we don’t want her” and that she can’t believe we’re not having her. I understand she isn’t gonna be thrilled about our baby but do people not have any regard over a new borns health? she is now asking for an additional money of £20 to feed her for that evening meal and for meals the day after. I don’t want the argument but I also don’t want to put my new born at risk of a sickness bug if it can be prevented

As per usual the step child rules the roost. Step child comes before her very tiny vulnerable step sibling. No matter if new mum and baby get the bug as long as SD and ex aren't put out in any way. Stand your ground OP

You are in the wrong in this situation . Millions of people have siblings in the same household with all sorts of bugs , just deal with it .

Difference is this is a half sibling with somewhere else to go

@HereintheloveofChristIstand- yes. When any of my dc (who live with me) got a sickness bug aged over 11 then yes I have absolutely told them not to leave their room so they didn't spread it to us. At age 15 they are more than capable of staying in there till they are better

this is my new born babies ONLY home, I have no family near by and my sd has 2 homes, I just thought it would make much more sense to reduce any chance of my baby getting ill. I understand that in most cases these things can’t be helped I.e if she lived with us, but hearing horror stories at babies been hospitalised I want to protect my baby if that means staying away for 2 nights then yes maybe I am in the wrong

You're new baby is your priority as they should be.

Oh ok she’s 15, I thought she was little!!
fine for a 15 year old to come to see her dad then, she’s old enough to stay well away from the baby and follow good hygiene.

As she’s 15, I’d have thought she’d be more comfortable staying in her main home while ill and able to understand that she wasn’t being pushed out but the illness might be risky to a newborn.

YANBU - it’s completely reasonable to try and avoid your 7 week old baby getting D&V. Also understandably you don’t want d&v either whilst trying to recover from Labour or c section.

How much he pays in CM is irrelevant here and nothing to do with you. Even if you do think the money asked for us unreasonable, I think given plans have changed at such short notice and her mum will now have 3 weeks back to back without a break it’s the path of least resistance. It sounds like the relationship is strained between your DP and ex anyway which may have something to do with new baby, maybe not. It’s best for you not to get involved here and the most important thing is DSC gets to spend time with you all once she’s feeling better although you’ve said that would happen anyway.

congrats on baby !

I think this is why she was the one to inform us in the first place

I would definitely avoid exposing myself and my new born to a sickness bug. I can’t believe posters thinking it would be ok.

OK she's 15, that's different. Talk to her, she'd probably be happy to stay away to not risk the baby getting sick. I think most of us assumed you were talking about a young child. Also if she's 15, she can also keep to herself if she does come over.

Why does your DH pay so little for a 15 year old. I spend more than that on my niece a month. Well if you have another child what would be your plans if the older one is sick or your DH?

Your SD sounds very sensible. Her mother, not so much.

You edited £300 a month and replaced with “plenty a month”… both are not true, so which is it?

it goes on wage and how often you see the child. Im happy your in a position to spend more then that on your niece that’s lovely

The current sickness bug is horrific, it’s incredibly infectious, we caught it at a kids party and it levelled my sturdy one year old for over a week, he had D&V, barely ate, thankfully still breastfed but it was awful.

You’re very sensible to avoid it when you can, a 15 year old will understand that and her stupid mother should know better. It’ll affect a child her age much less than a tiny baby.

Not relevant

Do you want a medal?

£300 suggests your husband must be on a low income. But it isn’t a lot to cover half the costs of a teenage girl.

and by the time she is 15 I would expect very minimal contact between the parents.

If you don’t want to get sick then you either pay the £20 or her dad asks her to make sure she doesn’t ashes her hands regularly; uses hand sanitizer and doesn’t touch the baby.

i think this is an unfair question because the 15 year old can easily stay at home (albeit for an extra £20). If she was a 4 year old and the mum had no one else to look after her and had made plans then it’s a different situation. Ofc families with multiple children have to deal with illnesses even with a newborn but that doesn’t mean you intentionally expose a newborn with very little immunity to anything to an infection when it doesn’t need to be.

So if you have another child together then presumably you’ll send the older child you both share away if they get sick when you have a newborn?

I would hope if you were to speak to your SD about this she would understand the situation

The SD has another parent to be with. It's not difficult to understand.

SD also has a dad who can’t drop being a parent for the convenience of having more children.