Talking to a child about possible physical abuse - advice please!

[JeffreyNeedsAHobby]

I wanted to pick MN brains on this as there is a possible situation but it is quite delicate. A friend has divorced recently which was triggered by an act of physical abuse against her child. She is suspicious that there is a possibility this is not actually an isolated incident. The child becomes very clingy to her, especially when left with the father. She wants to check with the child but we are both worried that asking may implant the idea if it is not the case (if that makes sense?). Does anyone have experience in this area and can help us phrase kindly questions to the child? TIA.

I think you would be best to ask professionals like the NSPCC, it's such a tricky situation.

ThanksAfuna yes, maybe that is a good idea. Do they give advice like this or would they involve a third party? We don't want to 'make it a big deal' unless something is actually happening....but yes we are a bit out of our depth.

The advise is always to not question the child yourself.

if you are concerned, it should be a matter for the police, they know how to question without putting ideas across.

You wouldn't have to give details if you don't want to. Perhaps have a look at their website? You might be able to email them.

Best of luck with this horrible situation

Please don't say anything to or question the child though. Just talk with the professionals.

Thanks everyone. Just to check, if we contact NSPCC it is confidential and no trace of it would be linked to her? Her ex is being very controlling and tracking her through various means... We don't want to provoke anything with him.

Speak to the doctor and get a referral to camhs

Firstly they will be able to address any issues that could come out of the abuse and secondly they are trained to ask the "right" questions as in ones that don't lead a child.

I'm sorry this has happened to your friend

Has anyone asked the child whether they want to visit their father?

Not sure if it applies in U.K. but in many jurisdictions if you report possible abuse to a professional e.g. Doctor or teacher they have an obligation to report it to the police.

Just simply don't give details such as names etc.

TBH if this guy is tracking her etc then it's all the more reason for her to disclose to professionals. Get her to talk to women's aid.

Yes it's a concerning situation. She's been to women's aid but it is more recently we've wondered about this. It's possibly nothing but I think she will be asking the school if her child could see the counselor, just to cover all bases. She's looking into getting a non-molestation order for her as protection as advised by a solicitor.