Anyone else worry about getting old/sick when they're alone?

[Fatfreefatball]

Sorry for the depressing post, but prompted by my DP getting recently diagnosed with a serious condition which is improvable with meds but might affect his lifespan.

I have no kids and no siblings. If DP dies first there is no one there for me apart from a close friend who has proved less than supportive during the current crisis. Loneliness and depression could be a problem. Do you worry about this scenario and do you have any plans for the future? I have thought about those retirement villages but they are shockingly expensive. Maybe a commune type arrangement with older ladies sharing a property? Or even a lodger?

When DP was in hospital I thought to myself that there would be nobody to support me if I were alone in that position. I do worry about this but try to live in the present. I suppose I could always drink myself to death if I live to my eighties 😂.

Yes, I do. Have grown up stepchild but very much has their own life and my DH is 13yrs older than me with serious health conditions. I do have good friends but its not the same. Kind of scary and does sometimes wake me up at night.

I'm already alone with no children or siblings. While I do sometimes wonder what will happen in the future (I'm 67) I don't let it consume my life and just hope that everything works out okay. I don't have enough money to buy into a retirement village (I rent) and while I do have an exDH who is very good he doesn't live in the same town. I certainly don't worry about loneliness or depression however as I am more than happy living alone and plan to continue doing so as long as I can.

No, I've seen plenty of people without children alone and plenty without children or with children who live away or go no contact not being alone. Added to that alone doesn't mean lonely and there are plenty of way to counteract it, your op has some great ideas. It's good you're thinking about it now so you can put those things on place.

Sorry to hear about your DP, that sounds like an awful situation to be in and I wish you the best.

No. I have an exit plan that will work should I become that unwell. Minor illnesses- I’ve always dealt with them myself right up to and including a radical hysterectomy. DH was not the most practical or reliable around illness!
if all that fails, I have an excellently written poa and a friend who will ensure my wishes are adhered to.

Yes, I do worry about this an awful lot. I'm in exactly the same position as you @Fatfreefatball no children and no siblings.

I really do dread what my life will look like as an elderly person. However, something I do take a little bit of comfort from is the fact that we are not the only ones who will have to deal with this situation, nor are people not dealing with it right now or in the past.

There is a growing body of work around what is known as 'solo aging'. The key name in this area is Dr. Sara Zeff Geber. She has written a book, and if you search her name on YouTube you will find many interviews and podcasts etc where she talks about solo aging. She is American, so not everything is relevant to the UK (assuming this is where you are based) but I still find her advice and ideas to be helpful.

I would also have a look at a channel on YouTube called Positive Aging Community (username ProAgingNetwork). Again, it is American based, but they often talk about solo aging and I find the discussions to be positive, practical and solutions focused rather than gloomy.

Like you, I have also looked at retirement villages, especially those which offer a continuum of care. As you note, they are very expensive, so that's something I am trying to financially plan for (I'm quite young still so have a bit of time to work on this).

I've also been thinking about the kind if services that might be available to me should I become unwell in the future. I would like to get involved with my local hospice (volunteering, raising funds etc). I've also seen that you can volunteer with Marie Curie as a 'Companion Volunteer'. These are people who provide emotional and practical support to those with a terminal illness. I'd like to think of this as 'paying support forward', and also I just genuinely want to help others especially those who, like me, don't have much or any family support to fall back on.

Also, I think there is a lot to be said for just trying to be a nice person and being a good friend to others. I think that if you are a thoughtful, kind and helpful person, there is a good chance you will attract the same kind of people into your life.

I hope this helps a little. I know how scary it is to be in this position. You are not alone, even though it may feel like that sometimes. Best wishes to you and your partner x

Edited to add: On the subject of loneliness and depression, again this is something I worry about, but I think the best way to tackle this is to have plenty of hobbies - both which can be done on your own in the home, and that you can join groups for.

No. Not at all. I will look after myself, or pay for care. Two key points:

1. Having adult children is no guarantee of their presence - they may not want to be around, or live in another country etc.
2. More importantly, I wouldn't want any adult children to feel responsible or obligated. You bring your children up to work, thrive, travel and enjoy their own lives, not to be burdened with Aged Ps. We should all plan our lives to ensure that we aren't dependent on anyone, tbh.

I understand what your saying.
Maybe you should start a group.

I try not to worry about this but it does pop into my head from time to time. DH is 13 years older and starting to show his age (mid 70s). I have a DB who is a couple of hours away so have a bit of family.
I work on the basis that what goes around comes around so try to help people now in the hopes that someone will help me but really don't know how that will work out. Have a couple of really long time friends I trust, but again they are a distance away and have their own issues.

Completely sympathise OP. We are a couple in mid seventies, no kids (not through choice), absolutely no family. Whilst not decrepit we are feeling our age and want to get something sorted whilst still able to do so. We live in an isolated old cottage, which needs to be kept maintained, a mile from a bus stop (two buses a day), five miles from a town. So now is the time, sadly, can't manage the big garden etc., no neighbours except one (quite unpleasant) person.
yesrerday we visited retirement village, which we could afford with both of us alive, but if one goes the remaining person would find it a struggle. There are lots of variable costs, and the killer could be that is you eventually need a proper care home, or are in hospital, you still have to pay the service charge on an empty property. Plus some of the properties seem to be up for sale for months and months, as it's a niche market.
it's so difficult to know what to do for the best, especially if you have no-one to speak for you.

totally understand OP. Have you come across Ageing without children? Www.awoc.org.uk they have a facebook group and sone local groups too I think. They put on webinars and things about planning for later life.

Yes but only now and again do I think about this. Whilst I’ve got adult children, the eldest is living away from the area. The younger one is on the spectrum and I do wonder if I’ll end up looking after her! It doesn’t consume me, but as an only child married to an only child I’m well aware I could find myself in this situation. I have started volunteering so am attempting to keep myself busy and make some friends (I really don’t have any close friends anymore) so at least life won’t be lonely, which is my worst fear.
Sorry to hear about your DP, hope he’s doing ok.

I am not worried about loneliness and depression as I am quite happy with my own company. But having an elderly parent who relies on me and sibling for so much practical support I do sometimes wonder what will happen if I need that kind of help in future