Dilemma re: Creches

[qwertpoiuy]

Background. My DD2 is almost 3yo and for 2 years has attended a creche which is situated 8 miles from my house. I travel 8 miles there + 8 miles back + 9 miles to work, so my 9mile journey to work is nearly trebled. DD is very clingy and took 3 months to settle there. She is v.happy there, but outside is still clingy to me.

Now a creche only 2 miles distance from my house may have a vacancy. It costs the same as creche no.1, plus my older DCs go to afterschool there therefore it would be SO handy to move DD2 there.

Dilemma 1: Creche no.1 is privately owned, and because of the economic downturn a lot of children have left the creche as their parents lost their jobs. The girl looking after DD2 is so lovely and great at her job, but her hours have been reduced as there are so few children left. If my DD2 leaves, it would have an impact on this girl's job - and I don't want her hours further reduced or lose her job!

Dilemma 2: what if DD2 doesn't settle in creche no.2? My DH is against this move, he reckons I will be back to square one - constant phone calls asking me to collect DD as she is crying non-stop.

On the other hand my travel time will be reduced, especially during the winter months when the roads are icy and dangerous. And I'll be collecting all my DCs from one creche.

I wouldn't be worried at all about Dilemma 1. Nice as it is of you, it's not your responsiblity to safeguard this girl's job.

Dilemma no.2 I can relate to totally . Have you visited the creche with DD2 and seen how she reacted?

FWIW, DD switched nursery at age 3 and it was fine because she was over the whole separation anxiety thing and settles much more easily in places now. When she was just a 1 year old, it was an absolute nightmare and took ages to get used to her nursery.

If I was you, I think I'd go for the switch as all this commuting time must be cutting into your time with your family as a whole.

A 3 year old will probably be easier to settle than a 1 year old, especially now she's used to you leaving and coming back. I would move her.

Thanks for your reply, Doozle.
I've taken DD2 to creche no.2 when collecting other DCs and I'm now trying to talk to her about it and tell her how great it is! If I go ahead with the move, she will be required to spend one hour a day there for a week to get her used to the place. Your DD at 1 sounds like my DD2 was, so it's good to know she adapted to changing nursery at 3yo.

I didn't tell the entire story. Creche no.1 charges a registration fee every year, and the owner approached me on Friday telling me this fee is now due. (Creche no.2 doesn't charge this fee!) This is the straw that broke the camel's back and brought me to make this decision. My DH does not support this and is making me feel guilty telling me the owner is probably desperate for this money to pay bills and it only works out at e1.30 per week extra - and then pushing the guilt about the childcare worker. As if I don't feel bad enough already!

The manager of creche no.2 will let me know tomorrow if there is a vacancy.

Thank you, Argento.

I guess DD2 is only clingy when I'm there, she's a lot tougher than we give her credit for. And she is more likely to attend school with children in creche no.2, so there will be no worries when she strarts school!

Oh god, please don't feel guilty about the other creche. It's a horrible climate at the minute, but really it's up to them to manage their business - it won't survive or go under due to just you pulling your child out.

I would never make a decision about my family's childcare based on helping someone else out

Don't understand why your DH is trying to make you feel guilty on this count??

If he's worried about DD being upset, can understand that more.

But surely if her siblings are in this creche, then she's going to like seeing them around, isn't she?

Ps. Does DH do any of this commuting to the creche that's 9 miles away?

Why is your DH so against the move? Maybe he could start dropping DD off and see how difficult the extra travelling is!

Creche 2 makes much more sense - being with her siblings and children she's likely to go to school with.

I suppose he works in a firm that is in danger of closing down due to poor sales, but has thankfully got very busy lately so his job is safe - for now! I guess he can't help putting himself into their shoes.

I know in a few weeks time (i.e, if there IS a vacancy) I will be so happy with my decision and won't be thinking about how creche no.1 is doing!

DH collects DD2 most days, and has to drive about 3 miles off-route to get there! But, yes, he doesn't have to travel as much off-route as I have to. Creche no.2 will be on his route home!

You have all helped me make my mind up, I'm so focused on this move now I'll be so disappointed if there is no vacancy!

I'll check back on this thread tomorrow - I've got to get ready for work at 5.

I thought DS2 would be hard to settle at pre-school, and it wasn't easy, but was OK. He started at a new pre-school this September, and I expected it to be horrific, and was quite sure I'd made a terrible mistake. I moved him because the new pre-school was in the grounds of DS1's school and it would make life much easier. He walked in, and never looked back. No settling problems at all. He was just 2 when he first started, and was just 3 when he started at the new place.

Hope your DD makes a smooth transition too.

So I did it - I handed in DD2's notice to creche. The owners were upset, as was DD2's minder.
It was something I had to do for my own sanity though.
And I showed her around creche no.2 when collecting older DCs - she seemed to like it. Only disappointment is this creche has only a small playground, whereas creche no.1 has a huge garden where the children grow their own fruit and veg, and an elaborate playground. That will be a loss for DD2.
But I know she will be happy here.

Hi, glad you've come to a decision you're happy with. Did they offer you a place at creche 2 then?

From what you were saying, she would have to make this switch anyway when she turns school age so might as well do it now anyway.

Well done!

Yes, Doozle, there was a place. And, would you believe creche 2 is full while poor creche 1 has only about 10 children on it's books (this time last year they had 55!). I suppose I had been wanting to do this for a few months but I was waiting until a few more children so the blow wouldn't be as hard when DD2 would leave - but it isn't happening. I just hope the lovely childminder's job will be okay
When driving out there this morning, I felt much better knowing I only have to do this journey for 3-and-a-half more weeks!