AP references how 'enthusiastic would you be?'

[Julesnobrain]

Just got asked to provide an AP reference for one of our AP's a while back. She was FAB with the kids but a complete no no for any assistance re cleaning and ironing (slow and useless) and also got ill at the slightest sniffle which made her very unreliable and in the end she left after 2.5 months before I asked her to leave..... but the kids really loved her and still ask after her. Just had call from a Dad in Italy wanting to know if she was good AP. I enthused about the kid relationship bit but avoided saying how unreliable she was... now feeling guilty.. what would you have done?

Did he ask outright about her reliability? If not, then my view is that you should try not to feel too guilty. I have had at least one nanny and one au pair who I would have problems 'enthusing' about (and other nannies/au pairs who I would happily enthuse for hours on ). My policy is to give a short but accurate written reference with phone number/email and if I'm rung/email to answer only the direct questions but answer them honestly but you can only talk about things that were brought up with the au pair/nanny at the time which makes it a little hard if you didn't mention the uselessness at ironing/whatever to her. If you did, and you are asked, was her cleaning/ironing up to standard then you can honestly answer that she was slow and not up to your standard..if they don't ask directly or if the problem wasn't bad enough for you to mention it to au pair then try and stay schtum.
(That's just my way of doing things - might want to check legalities if you like to do things properly).