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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable

16 replies

lumpasmelly · 06/08/2009 19:21

I employ a nanny one day a week to give me a break, and allow me to catch up on things as my husband works away during the week. It is a luxury we can ill afford and the arrangment will be coming to an end once my youngest starts nursery in September. My nanny is a very nice girl, and I beleive that I treat her very well - I don't ask her to do any laundry or chores as she is only with us for one day, and I turn a blind eye to her watching tv for 2 hours while my little'un has a nap at lunchtime, and letting my older son watch more tv than i would ever allow him to (I figure that as she is going at the end of the month there is no point in falling out). However, tonight she informed me that next week she is taking the kids to Pizza Express with another of her nanny friends.....now, I am usually very generous with the petty cash (she spends more in one day than I will in one week) but I feel I need to draw the line here as I will end up forking out for her as well as the kids to have a meal out. My husband and I have recently had to cut meals out at the weekend to once a month, and I resent the fact that with her taking them out, then this will essentially be the udget for this treat wiped out!!! i know she probably looks at my big house and thinks that we can afford it, but seriously, at the moment we are very overextended with a huge mortgage and lots of bills to pay and I am really trying to be careful. Is it unreasonable of me to ask her to choose something different to do - i.e. take a picnic to the park or something.....?

OP posts:

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stuffitlllama · 06/08/2009 19:23

yanbu, it's up to you

really I don't think it will go as badly as you think if you say no

wickedwitchofwestfield · 06/08/2009 19:30

you are and you aren't being unreasonable if that makes sense

if you have never questioned her spending then I suppose she has just assumed she can spend as she pleases so she thinks this will be ok, but as has been said, its your money and you are free to stipulate how it is spent.

if it helps at all, I have a spare 2-4-1 pizza express voucher I could send you?
I used one the other day with my charges, there were three of us and I got a pizza and asked for the boys pizza to be a half and half so they could pick toppings and the very nice server gave them each half on a seperate plate =)
I wan't even spending my own money but you know, every little helps lol

StillSquiffy · 06/08/2009 19:30

Just say no. She is there to help you, not vice versa. If she doesn't like it, tough.

stuffitlllama · 06/08/2009 19:32

you have employer's guilt -- no need for it

thebody · 06/08/2009 19:35

say no. its your money your decision.. you could be cheeky and thank her for the lovely leaving treat she is giving your kids....

drinkyourmilk · 06/08/2009 19:37

Could it be a 'good bye' thing for the charges as she is leaving?

nb - you are not being unreasonable, and honestly - no nanny worth her salt is going to complain if you introduce a set budget. Even at this late stage.

wickedwitchofwestfield · 06/08/2009 19:55

I'd like to rephrase my post lol, I wasn't saying you were being unreasonable as such, but maybe you have given her the impression you will fork out for such treats ifyswim??

cough hasty back track cough

Laquitar · 06/08/2009 20:34

Not unreasonable but if it is only one off and only few weeks left, personally i would let it go.

I like the idea of turning it to 'goodbye treat'.
If you still don't want them to go perhaps you can buy them some nice stuff (pizza base, drinks, ice cream etc) and let them invite the other nanny and child there to 'play pizza express' . But make sure you leave the house .

It is tricky to have nanny for one day only and is even more tricky when you don't work that day and you pay when you don't earn but on the other hand is not her fault.

HarrietTheSpy · 07/08/2009 21:21

I like the idea of telling her she's welcome to have people round to your place and offer to buy some food for the party. However, you may need to work out if that will cost you more!

Otherwise, you could really just say no.

Oligo · 07/08/2009 23:29

of course it is up to you to decide and not unreasonable exactly.

However if i was the nanny i might be a little disappointed if i had no clue that this was an issue- maybe i would have spent less on other things so as to have this nice treat.

Also your children will be there and enjoy it with friends and have a nice memory etc. its not just a meal out for nanny- taking children to restaurants is not the easiest of ways to spend an afternoon. And if the nanny eats it doesn't have to cost a fortune, could you consider giving a £ limit for the meal?

But if you really can't afford it just say so; no one can be annoyed about that.

Blondeshavemorefun · 08/08/2009 09:32

erm why shouldnt she watch tv while your litle one is asleep - she needs a rest, tho 2hrs is a lot

regarding kitty - if you have been giving her free range since you have employed her - then it is not her fault that she has spent it iyswim

having pizza will be a nice treat goodbye - but i agree it can be exp - maybe give her a limit of £20 and use bogof vouchers - you can print them off the website or wwow might send her yours if you beg

Oligo · 08/08/2009 16:10

i agree blondes. Even though i've been nannying for years i know my continuing guilt at sitting down for breaks is misplaced.

Nannies should take advantage and apprecitate! breaks when infants are young because as they get older/have siblings, any breaks during what can be long days are wiped out- even loo breaks are compromised! So it balances out overall.

Plus there is no set age for children not napping so you might end up without lunch break very early on. You are also still on call/can't pop out to cafe, park, shop or get paper etc. As long as everything is done/prepared for afternoon no harm to sit down.

Maybe there are repressed niggles that could have been aired sooner to make communicating over pizza budget easier. E.g. it is reasonable to tell your nanny not to have as much/any tv for child. Your nanny is probably also unaware that you think not doing laundry for a one day job is treating her 'very well' and is likely to consider it standard. Don't mean to sound harsh if i have.

Ripeberry · 09/08/2009 20:55

If she has nothing else to do when your DC is sleeping. What is she supposed to do? Go and MN ?

cinnamondanish · 09/08/2009 21:15

As a nanny myself I constantly come up with this question during interviews about what the kitty money is and isn't to be spent on. Myself I always buy my own lunches if I decide to go out with friends for lunch and only take the money from the kitty for the kids meals. However in my nanny circle some of my friends use the kitty money and some don't.
I would appreciate the straight forward approach and talk to her about it, I can't think what she would spend all the money on for one days nannying. As she is leaving you will have to talk to the new nanny about it.
The time whilst your child is asleep is a nanny's own providing there is no laundry or tidying to do it's a time to recharge and rest. As we don't have an official lunch break like office workers I normally take 1 hour as my own and find that it gives me more energy and enthusiasm for the afternoon after all it's a long day.

Oligo · 09/08/2009 22:19

i would always use kitty money for myself if we are all eating out but if i have cake/ice cream/expensive drink or very expensive meal choice i pay what i consider the extra though my employers always tell me not to.

MissSunny · 10/08/2009 01:24

Message withdrawn

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