CM Club: Advice on mindee's behaviour please

[SammyK]

I am getting very stressed by one mindee I have for approx 25 hours a week. Mindee is almost 2, and very forward for age - talks in sentences for example.

Mindee is like a whirlwind and is tiring me out. If I turn my back for a second soemthing happens. Today I have had a toy of ds's broken into peices, a bauble from xmas tree broken (removed), chocs from tree unwrapped and licked (removed them, put remaining ones higher up out of reach) (not eaten - licked), I have been hit and ds and another mindee have been hit which ended in tears both times.

Mindee also spits food, throws toys across room or into furniture, and rips posters from walls (have now taken posters down showing unsightly holes in wallpaper).

I have tried talking to mum about this before and felt I was talked down as I was told to remember mindee is only little even though forward. This was said in a very roundabout, non direct way. I realise this but do think his behaviour is mainly attention seeking and pushing boundaries rather than lack of understand. I cannot take my eyes off him, incidents today have been when I have been in kitchen getting snack and lunch, or talking to ds in same room!

I am feeling crap today so could do with other's take on this please! {pleading emotion}

more running to tire him out?

mine gets destructive when bored

That is my usual strategy kif , it is just times when we are in the house, and I am occupied with omething else, for literally less than a minute, mindee seems compelled to be destructive!

We do all sorts indoors and outdoors, mindee is very 'into everything' and naturally curious, but these things are being done on purpose and I am at a loss how to approach the situation.

SammyK, I'm no expert, but hitting is TOTALLY unacceptable behaviour & I think should be given immediate "time out", yes at age 2 they are still little but understand loads & he needs to understand that hitting is not on.

I agree orangutan thanks.

Items are removed or time out is given where appropriate, suppose I just have to weather the storm.

Alarm bells would be ringing if I was a CM - the parent is not on side and has brushed off her DC unacceptable behaviour. Sorry!!

What do you mean babylovessanta?

It is very frustrating, I think mindee gets away with a lot at homeand if mum allows this what hope do I have? Is that what you mean?

SammyK, with behavioural issues it is CRUCIAL that you and the parents are on the same wavelength... and just because they allow things to happen in their home, does not mean you should be okay with it. Your home, your rules.

There is also a big difference btwn purposeful/malicious behaviour, and accidently hitting someone in play.

The kid will only get confused with conflicting messages of what is right and wrong behaviour. They are doing him no favours by allowing this behaviour.

Hi Sammy,

Sorry, yes I think that is true. I think you might have a battle on your hands if the parents are not willing to support you or are the sort who turn a blind eye to their DC's unacceptable behaviour. I'm sorry to be negative - I'm not a child care provider so may well be wrong!

I've had this with a child I mind - parents put it down to him being a 'free spirit'!! I bought some cheap mats from Ikea (they are actually place mats, but are large ones). they have their own colour to sit on for stories, circle time etc, but the 'red mat' in the corner is the 'thinking' mat and that's where they sit if they misbehave. I told parents what I was going to do and it works! The red mat is rather dusty now because it hasn't had a child's butt on it for ages!!! My mindee was only just turned 2 when I did this - they may be little but they understand everything.

Do you use ncma contracts? If you do, it states on the back of them that if a child poses a danger to others in the setting, including yourself, you have the right to terminate the contract without notice - again I had to do this a few years ago when a child I minded kept viciously going for my own son who was less than a year old at the time (I had to call grandparents to take him out for his own safety on one occasion!). We have a difficult enough job without having to put up with behavioural problems and no support from parents. At the end of the day, we do this so that we can stay at home with our own children and if it makes them unhappy as well as us then something isn't working somewhere. I would sit the parents down and tell them what you've written here, try to agree a way of dealing with the behaviour and if you can't get them to do this tell them you may have to 'review' the contract - that will sharp have them sitting up and listening to you!!

If I sound a bit grumpy it's cos DS has that sickness bug and have been up all night. Perfume of the day is 'eau de anti-bac spray'!! Oh, and parents still want to send their children 2morrow................. I love my job!!!

Thanks everyone, I have had a marginally better day today, but mindee has been timed out a fair few times and I have been watching like a hawk.

I think I will see how things are going in the new year, there are a few other niggly issues too so I will give it a little time. I will do a contrac review and bring issues up and talk about how I will approaching behaviour. I have another mindee similar age who is no where near on this scale of purposeful and (at times) aggressive behaviour.

I am pleased I posted as it has helped to know I am not expecting too much. Thank you all for your replies.

UPDATE I am going to have to talk to mum today, my DS got a playmobil tyoe of castle for xmas, from a family I used to mind for. It is the only one of his xmas presents I have dared to leave downstairs as I thought it would be the hardest for mindee to destroy.

Last week he kept pulling it apart causing hysetrics from ds who s autistic. So at the weekend I superglued it together, monday he broke one of the carriages by stamping on it so hard he smashed a wheel off at it's axle and I had to bin it, today I come in from the kitchen with drinks for mindees, and he is sat quietly, pulling the (superglued) castle apart! I am fuming and ds is gonna be gutted as he knew I had glued it together and he likes things just so. Was gutted yest about carriage going in the bin. Sigh.

Mindee only here til end of january, have reduced my hours mainly due to DS' issues.