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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

CM Club: How do I get out of this???

23 replies

NumberFour · 22/10/2008 09:52

I have told all my parents that I am on leave from 22 Dec and back at work on 5 Jan. One of my parents asked me to have her little one on 22, 23 and 24 Dec just until 1pm because she cannot get leave!

I stupidly said yes, without thinking it through. Now I realise I want and need my leave and I want to have that time alone with my family. I love Christmas and want to make the most of my time alone with my family.

How do I tell the mother that I have changed my mind and cannot have her little one??? Feel like I will be leaving them in the lurch.

help!

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looneytune · 22/10/2008 10:04

Was this just recently? If so, just say you're really sorry but you felt bad and agreed without thinking but you can't do it as you really need this time with your family. You could say you're going away to family for Christmas? If there is a partner you can blame, this is always a good one. My dh get annoyed about a lot of things about me childminding and always moans about it so when something like this happens, I'd just say 'sorry but dh is really upset with me as I'd promised I'd be off for Christmas and then I told him I'd be working xyz'

Good luck, don't you hate being put on the spot. NOT your problem that they can't get leave. If you're within your contracted amount of holiday days off and you gave the correct notice, it's THEIR problem as harsh as that might sound!

SammyK · 22/10/2008 10:09

I agree with looney.

SammyK · 22/10/2008 10:10

I am taking the same dates numberfour, it is so important IMO to have a decent break with just family, so don't be guilted into compromising on it.

Original poster

NumberFour · 22/10/2008 10:27

Thanks, Looneytune and SammyK. It was about 3 or 4 weeks ago that the mum asked me to have her child over that period and I agreed straight away without stopping to consider.

I think that blaming it on my DH will be the best option! All my family is in South Africa and my DH is not close to his family particularly. He does get really irritated when childminding continually overflows into our family time.

I have given the family probably 2 and a half times as much notice as the contract requires so I will have to be strong and tell them I have changed me mind. If I do so, I will feel awkward for a short while. However, if I look after their child on those days, I will be stewing til then and then will feel resentful at the time (don't get me wrong, I am very, very fond of the little one so care would DEF not be compromised but I NEED MY BREAK!!)

thanks, again!
x

OP posts:

looneytune · 22/10/2008 10:30

Yes, blame hubby Also, you could say that by working you are not properly on holiday but will have used allowance from the other families therefore limiting your holiday after all. Also, it's not fair on the other families and you should be either open or closed.

Good luck hun

bozza · 22/10/2008 10:37

It would have been better if you had not waited 3-4 weeks before changing your mind back. She will have mentally ticked that off as a problem solved. Although I think she was cheeky asking you in the first place.

I am having trouble with my childminder because she keeps changing her mind because the other parents ask her to and she is too soft to make a firm decision. Originally she was giving up as soon as everyone made alternative arrangements, then she was giving up at Christmas, now she might be doing part time in the new year.

Original poster

NumberFour · 22/10/2008 10:57

Bozza, I agree 100%. Going back now after all this time is a bit unfair of me. I really have to become firmer (in mind and body ha ha ha) and make decision and stick to it. A lot of childminders are quite soft in that way because of the nature of the work that we do and also because it is only childminder and parent(s) discussing the matter. There is no committee or board or someone in the typing pool to confer with.

Hope you get sorted soon.

OP posts:

JenniPenni · 22/10/2008 11:22

Hi NumberFour!

We are off to South Africa for over 3 weeks in January (sunshine!!!)... and parents werent too happy tbh at the length but they understand it's to see family that are far away and not often seen.

This year I only had two weeks (in total!) leave and I really need more.

If I was you I would say you are sorry but you spoke in haste and without consulting your other half.. now you have.. etc.

JenniPenni · 22/10/2008 11:23

I also have to agree in part with Bozza too though... pity you have left it this long! Hope you manage to sort it out... maybe you can meet her half way?

elkiedee · 22/10/2008 11:30

It's still two months for her to find a solution, there isn't really a halfway point! I say that as a parent, but I think you're entitled to make your plans too.

mumlove · 22/10/2008 11:40

Agree with the other stick with your dates and YES blame it on DH. Can you ask around other cm's in your area to see if they could cover thoses days needed?

bozza · 22/10/2008 11:43

Yes I do agree that you are perfectly entitled to have the two weeks off that you have booked and she is very cheeky to ask otherwise. I assume these two weeks are out of your annual holiday entitlement. Therefore she should have know you were going to take them some time and have saved some leave to cover them or been prepared to make alternative arrangements. DH and I had saved some leave knowing our CM had not taken much holiday, and, guess what, she is taking half term next week. So DH is off Tues/Weds and I am off Thurs (I work 3 days).

Another point. I try and treat my CM fairly, pay on time, pick up on time, give good notice of holidays etc. But if she had told me she was not working certain days but then I found out she was looking after one of the other mindees on that day I would not be at all happy. So maybe that is a point in favour of saying you are having your full two weeks off.

Original poster

NumberFour · 22/10/2008 11:56

Mumlove, I had previously found care for my mindees even when my mother died!!! And it resulted in my losing one of my kids (parents wanted new minder not me - not a problem, kids come first). But then recently I referred a mum to another childminder and that minder has said she did not really want extra work or phone calls!!

So, yes, I would have done that previously but now I will no longer be finding care for my mindees.

Bozza, I take your point re finding out your CM had other kids but said no to having yours! I can see that that would be highly off p*ssing!

Looneytune, you have a good point too about using up my leave in respect of some children but not others, with the result that I will probably somewhere along the line be short changed. I would have used my holiday allowance for some families but not others.

OP posts:

bozza · 22/10/2008 12:07

Yes that point of looneytune's about the holidays is quite important from your POV I agree. When does your holiday year run?

I think you should do as you outlined in your OP and in future just stick to your decisions a bit more. As an accommodating type myself I know it is difficult.

Original poster

NumberFour · 22/10/2008 12:11

Holiday year is Jan to Dec, but I have never really tallied up to see what I have used. Have certainly not gone over though (may have used little more when my mother died - was off for 3 weeks in SA).

The mum is coming round in just over an hour to collect LO. Wish me courage: I want to tell her today.

OP posts:

bozza · 22/10/2008 12:21

I think starting this January you should keep a tally of what you are using then you know you are actually entitled. I wouldn't count when your mother died - see that as more compassionate leave.

And good luck with telling her today - DON'T put it off.

Berryred · 22/10/2008 12:29

just wanted to wish you luck

Original poster

NumberFour · 22/10/2008 12:34

thanks, B & B, Really made a hash of things live and learn, suppose.

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ShosheTheGhoshe · 22/10/2008 12:50

I am off from end of Duties on the 19th till the 5th, I put it in a newsletter, stating that there will be no concessions in this matter, But it doesn't always work.

I have one family who repeatedly try and come in early, last year they phoned on the 2nd to say 'Oh Grandad is here, so she wont be in'

Me 'Oh good cos we are in Scotland'

'oh aren't you working today?'

'No it was in the newsletter'

'Oh I didn't read it'!!!!!!!!!!!!

This was the second year they have done it! The first year I sent them away when they turned up at 7 and I was still in bed! They were not happy, but they had been told.

Thing is Dad was at home, although Mum was at work, but Dad wont have mindee on his own as she plays up for him!

This year I am putting a HUGE sign on my door, and on my anwer machine, and Nobody is coming in before the 5th.

Original poster

NumberFour · 22/10/2008 13:05

I also send out a newsletter. Not all of my families read it either!

Loved the story re them pitching at 7 with you in your pyjamas or Chanel No 5, whatever you wear!

One of my mums this morning asked me to have her daughter til 9pm tonight. Long story but this was one case where I had not give proper notice of leave on Mon and Tues so she was in a predicament at work for Mon, Tues and today. But no, I have a family too and my LO is only 4 so needs early bed, and on top of that our house is tiny so not as if we can shift mindee or son in one corner away from other so that he can sleep.

But I digress, Mum should be here soon, and I have to do the deed soon. Ho hum.

OP posts:

Original poster

NumberFour · 22/10/2008 13:17

Yippee Yay!!!!!

The mum was LOVELY about it, saying that she had thought that she was being a bit unfair. Said she would be able to sort everything out.

Thanks, Everyone!! MN to the rescue, again.

OP posts:

looneytune · 22/10/2008 13:29

PHEW!!! Well done and so pleased she was ok about it.

JenniPenni · 23/10/2008 17:02

So glad it's all sorted!

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