CM CLUB - a hypothetical question about behaviour............

[looneytune]

Don't want to go into why I'm asking this but IF you were asked to childmind a child you KNEW was very

If I knew he would not heed my boundaries in my home and only distress my other mindees, I would not mind him.

He is also a lot bigger than the others, and, coupled with his negative behaviour - I would not do it with this foreknowledge.

If I thought I could make a difference in his life I would do it - BUT implement an immediate notice period if necessary.

No contract is worth an unhappy home.

Thanks for that. This is the problem, I HAVE had him here once on a playdate and once to drop off at school in the morning - NIGHTMARE!!! I WOULD help out if I didn't have the babies but seriously, they were at risk!! I got asked if he can come and play during half term and I made my excuses but was made to feel bad but I HAVE to put mindees (and of course my little baby) first! If it was just negative (thanks for the word, I've been up with my baby lots so brain not working lol) behaviour then it wouldn't be so bad but it's proper dangerous behaviour and therefore I worry lots. Also concerned I MAY get asked to childmind at some point as not far from me and mum about to have a baby. Just need tips on how to turn her down

Hiya LT I definately wouldn't take said child on. Yes it would be lovely if we could take the child on in this scenario and turn their behaviour around and be the hero - but I know from personal experience that this will not happen. You need to put the needs of your existing group of children first (including your own)!

Can't you just say you have too much on and you have decided not take any new mindees on for now, or any playdates (which are the work of the devil).

Offer to meet up somewhere neutral in the half term like soft play with parent meeting you there.

looney - you have to remember you are self employed and can decide who you work with. if you were a big company you'd just say you couldn't. now how to phrase it? wouldn't suggest saying not taking anyone else on as you want more work and would then look unprofessional to that lady. is he in your sons class? maybe you could find out if they get on and then if they do say you don't want them to be togther all the time as freindship might break down. if they don't then say you don't have anyone from ds's class? otherwise still ! sorry

"boisterous" is the word used by one of my parents - covers a multitude of behaviour!!

Turn it around and instead of implying her child is too much hard work around the babies, explain that the babies need 100% of your attention and you wouldn't be able to give her child the time/attention he needs & deserves without risking the safety of the babies. You need eyes in the back of your head, they're into everything etc... If you know anyone else who has space and isn't minding babies at the moment you could suggest that her child might really enjoy it there ...

Would also mention to parent that most childminders are only permitted to care for 1 under one. Those that have variations like you do, often don't go up to the maximum no. of mindees they're allowed because this could have a detrimental affect on the quality of care provided. Because of the needs of the younger ones. You have to consider very carefully before taking anyone else on. Its not just a matter of whether you have an available space or not. Sometimes its easier saying no if you can throw in a bit about Ofsted/rules/red tape etc! So mention how difficult it is to get a variation - loads of childminders don't get permission ...

Also, if you don't do a school run already, would collecting the older child affect the little ones naps/milk routine?

Hi SammyK - this is how I feel, would be a nice challenge to turn things around but I've got enough of my plate with 4/5 aged 5 and under of which 3 are 1 and half and under! I ust cannot cope with this child on top of that. Meeting in half term isn't an option as she's having the baby then. Her MIL will be looking after him but she wanted him to come on play dates as apparently not fair on MIL the whole time - well it's not really fair on me having yet another child on top of the rest and the joys of half term on top of me having sleepless nights - the whole lot just doesn't go together!! I really feel for her but I've made my excuses but I am worried as once she mentioned maybe having childcare at some point and there is no way I could do that. Playdates = work of the devil - PMSL!! So true although having said that, nothing I've ever experienced has been anything like that one play date with this child including dinner for them!!!!

EllieM - yes, didn't want to say that I can't take on for that reason (if I'm ever asked) as I'd get caught out, but I did say that I was full during half term (which isn't true - oops). Yes he's in ds1's class but they split for mornings and afternoons and LUCKILY they are never in the same group so it's just the registers, playtime and pickup time I think. Tbh, ds1 finds him annoying and said he doesn't like the way he follows him everywhere. I feel sorry for said child as a lot of people stay away because of how he is and he's sort of latched onto my ds1.

ayla99 - what a fab selection of words - you star I'll mention the variation and that I was lucky to get etc. but that I have a duty to ensure the care of the children I have isn't affected etc. As for school runs.....he's in ds1's class so I go there anyway.