settling in with a new nanny- your experiences please?

[beforesunrise]

i have two dds, aged 2y7m and 4m. our old nanny had been with us for almost 2 years, dd1 loved her and i trusted her completely-even though i had started to lose my trust in her a bit after a few instances of not being compleltey honest with me. anyway, i had to let her go because i couldnt afford to keep her on FT while on mat leave, and she needed to work FT.

i now have a new nanny/mother's help 3 mornings a week, i went for a completley different person this time, she is an older lady with a bit of nannying experience but not masses. i like her though, i think she is smart, responsible and quite nice, although being a bit older (late 40s) she is not as playful as a younger girl i suppose. she has now been coming 2 and 1/2 weeks.

my problem is that dd1 is really not settling with her, she keeps telling her to go away etc. after a few hours she gets a bit nicer to her, and they have played together on occasion if i am in the next room, but overall i would say they havent really clicked yet. i am not sure whether this is all linked to the terrible separation anxiety she has developed since dd1 was born, whether it takes some more time and that is normal, or whether i should just worry that they are not getting along at all and look for someone else?

any expereinces and advice greatly welcome!

At 2 1/2 I think DD's response is perfectly normal. Could you try stepping back a bit more when new nanny is around (or maybe you already do). Make sure new nanny has opportunity to do fun stuff with DD. For example, if DD loves the park, let nanny be the one to take her. If it's time for a treat, let nanny be the one to give it. She will adjust. They always do. Kids are so much more resilient than we give them credit for.

She is only 2 1/2. Old nanny gone. Mummy home. New sybling in the house. New nanny appears. Those are major changes for a 2 year old. Just ride with it for a while and she will come to realise everything carries on. And as each nanny changes over it will be come more routine. We have had a few nannies and DD, 5, and DS, 3, miss the nanny when she leaves but they also enjoy getting to know the new one. We just had a nanny handover and the morning that old nanny left DD was supposed to come to the gym with me, but she really wanted to accompany DH to the airport. This was really important to her. She wanted to say good-bye. But, also, she has bondd with new nanny in a couple of weeks. So all is well.

Agree with AtheneNoctua.
Give it time. Keep your distance - if you are in the next room, your DD will respond differently to when you are out of the house.
It is hard on everyone for the first month or so. As a nanny, I know it's hard for me to keep being rejected by a child, who is doing so because they want something else such as Mum/Dad/OldNanny to be with them. Children do adapt to change, but it can take time.

thanks both, it is hugely reassuring to be told this is normal!

i will indeed give it time, and try to maybe leave them for 30 minutes or so...

We are on week 4 with a new nanny. DD (2 and 9 months) was very clingy at first and would keep coming to find me if I was home. Including coming to complain when our nanny turned off the tv. Our previous nanny was with us for 2 years and brought her daughter, so it's been quite a big adjustment for her. I do agree it's a good idea to keep your distance a bit, this did seem to help.

I was in a similar position 4 years ago, although DS1 was 18 months old. Things only really started to work with the mother's help when I left her alone with one child or both.

I trusted the mother's help so I would express a feed for DS2 and then take DS1 swimming or something. But TBH DS1 just always preferred me to a nanny/mother's help when we were both in the house.