Hi there,
I was fortunate to get the strength to remove my daughter and I from a very controlling and coerce relationship with her father 2 years ago. I now know how bad it was. In that time he has done everything he can to make things difficult including refusing to pay his legal liabilities that I had to cover, a 2 year solicitor battle to divorce and on occasion, not paying child maintenance so i applied to CMS last year.
This year alone the paying parent has made at least 5 attempts to remove me as primary carer on the Child Maintenance service and every time this has rightfully been rejected as I am 100% the primary carer for our daughter. I do everything for her and love doing it. His actions I believe is in an attempt to avoid paying anything but 2 years after seperation I feel like the abuse continues as the CMS literally enables this to continue.
He has missed 2 payments which has left us in a bit of financial difficulty so my request to switch to Collect & pay was accepted and then they set up a deduction of earnings order on 31 July. There shouldn't be an issue in the employer doing this as he is on £50k and has little outgoings as its a company car etc.
In your experience, how long did it take for you to receive payments after a deduction of earning order was sent to their employer? In 2024/25 ideally so it's more current.
But also, AIBU to feel like we are still being abused by him? The attempts have felt very hurtful and I'm literally waiting for him to do it again. He does other things too like purposefully collecting her late knowing it would make me late for work, harrasses my daughter with messages when she's not with him, expects me to arrange his before/after school childcare, tried to change the address at the doctors to his (which was a nightmare as he lives 40 mins away from us and her school which put her at risk of being out of the catchment area for her annual ENT and orthotic appointments.) Is something like NSPCC a good place to get advice or somewhere else?
Thank you so much