Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

giving notice to a family, what reason can i give?

30 replies

mindingmum · 01/03/2008 09:03

hope it's ok to burden fellow cm's with probs on their day off...
i have minded a 2yo girl since she was 9 weeks old for 50 plus hours per week, she is fab and so easy to mind
parents however are a bit trying to say the least, frequently complaining about things eg one time the girl called me 'mum' and her mum was hysterical. i explained to her that she hears my 5 children call me mum all the time and just copied (no big deal) but dad ranted on and on that it must never happen again!
on several occasions they have called a meeting with me to ask about the type of 'education'she is receiving while with me, although she has a daily diary filled in with all this in
recently they have been mentioning how brill the nursery is that their friends son goes to and how much 'education' he gets there so i told them they were welcome to send dd there with no hard feelings but mum said that they were happy with me (i don't feel like they are)
mum is currently on mat leave so dd only comes to me 3 mornings and every time she arrives she mentions something new that shes taught dd and asks me to follow it on
i really don't think i want to continue minding them when she goes back to work in june as now she's quoting EYFS at me at every oppotunity and i'm still getting my head round it myself.
i have to make a decision soon because they are paying me a retainer for two ft places and i'll have to pay it back if i give notice
what do you think?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
chelsygirl · 01/03/2008 09:17

its a bloody haRD JOB ISN'T IT!

I found you either get great kids and awful parents or awful kids and great parents, if you were very unlucky you got both awful!!(thats why I chucked it!)

I'd say do what suits you and if you give notice say what suits you too(I always found the parents didn't worry too much about looking after themselves so in the end I did too)

Hassled · 01/03/2008 09:23

An ex CM here.
Poor little girl - she's 2 and her parents are busy talking about education and EYFS?

It's quite likely that this will get worse in the run up to school - if it's an issue at 2 they're going to be expecting a lot more by the time she's 3 or 4, and if you're minding a newborn as well that will put a lot of pressure on you.

I suppose your decision depends on:
What they are actually expecting from you - if by "education" they mean quite reasonable stuff like early numbers, recognising her name and a few letters, then you could gently explain that you'll give her lots of encouragement when she seems ready. If they're being completely unrealistic it's more of a problem.
Could you get new mindees fairly easily?
Can you afford it if you do struggle to get new children for a while?
How much will you miss the little girl?

Original poster
mindingmum · 01/03/2008 09:37

thanks for quick replies
chelsygirl - the prob i have is that i don't know what reason to give for notice because i also mind the children of two of her anti natel friends, who incidentally are lovely and frequently tell me how much they appreciate what i do with their children
hassled - i think you are defo right about it getting worse
i do loads of stuff with her as i am an ex montessori nanny
there is no prob at all about replacing her and her brother, all cm's round here full to bursting
will miss her obviously and so will my children as she is almost a sibling to them - 50 odd hours a week is a long week but constantly feel judged

OP posts:
Original poster
mindingmum · 01/03/2008 09:39

chelsygirl, i hope you don't regret giving up, how long ago was it?

OP posts:
Hassled · 01/03/2008 09:44

Maybe just telling them you've giving up because you feel unreasonably pressurised by all the "Education" stuff and don't feel able to give them what they want - that might make them see the error of their ways and they'll back off a bit.

KatyMac · 01/03/2008 10:22

Or use 'personal reasons' that's always useful

Original poster
mindingmum · 01/03/2008 11:51

can i justify saying 'personal reasons' when i am continuing to mind two of her friends children? think i might have to take cowards way out and say i don't want full time hours and hope she doesn't decide to go back part time

OP posts:
WallOfSilence · 01/03/2008 12:06

I would say you feel pressurised by all the education stuff! Tell the truth, that way they will know that it's not that you don't like their child or anything like that, they will know it was them piling on the pressure!!

KatyMac · 01/03/2008 13:06

Well if they ask why you can say the educational stuff & if they don't you know they were probably leaving anyway

ScruffyTeddy · 01/03/2008 13:30

I dont actually think you have anything to lose by being honest. You said yourself, CMs are filled to bursting point and replacing her would be no problem.

So tell them what the problem is and they can either accept it and and take her elsewhere, or realise they need to back off. At least then you are giving them the chance to sort it out and cant be accused of dropping them in it.

(I am not a childminder btw, but I had one and would have appreciated her honesty if she had an issue with our arrangements!)

chelsygirl · 01/03/2008 14:44

I agve up after Xmas

best decision I've ever made, it was doing my head in!!

Original poster
mindingmum · 01/03/2008 17:03

yes i think you are right scruffy, i will do it on tuesday and give the retainer fee to give back to her
it isn't only the education stuff, every week she has some gripe, the last three holidays i've taken, i've sorted her out with a cm she didn't click with the first one, she didn't like the second one's attitude and dd came back from the third one too dirty!
think i'm best rid
what do you do now chelsy?

OP posts:
ScruffyTeddy · 01/03/2008 21:36

I think you've done more than enough! When a childminder had a holiday they have never sorted out another one for me...what? Blimey, surely that would be up to me to sort out?

I would see what you did as a bonus, not an expectation.
I certainly wouldnt have complained about it!

chelsygirl · 01/03/2008 21:57

I work evenings in a supermarket

cluelessnchaos · 01/03/2008 22:05

they sound a nightmare, i agree you should be totally honest, say you think there daughter is lovely buy you feel their expectations are too different to yours.

ScruffyTeddy · 01/03/2008 22:13

Do it in a diplomatic way, you are after all, in this as a business/career and you should have your say too. My second childminder was very professional and I respected her for that. She told it like it was and that was fair enough.

Original poster
MindingMum · 08/05/2008 18:28

Ok...an update!

We had a big discussion last month about what she wanted from a childminder and I layed down some new ground rules. It cleared the air wonderfully and we have been getting on like a house on fire since. she told me that she thinks the world of me as does her LO and blamed hormones for worrying over minor things - fair enough

Mum decided not til wait June to go back to work and both children started back Full time this week and all was well Mon to Wed when Mum picked up, however Dad collected yesterday and as soon as he walked through the door he was at it again!!

He saw his 4 month old son lying on a playmat on the floor under a baby gym and said "isn't he too young to be under there?" I replied that all my children played with them from 2 months and he asked to see the box the gym came in so that he could check the recommended age - idiot!!
Then he asked me why baby was only wearing a vest as it wasn't all that warm! (in my home when it's 70 degrees outside) - idiot!!
As he left he said "when was his last feed?", I said "around 4ish" to which he said "so when will he need another one?"!!!!!

Tonight he arrived, took one look at his DD1 (two and a half), ran across the room, grabbed a pair of playdoh scissors (only suitable for cutting through fresh air!)from her hand and exclaimed "OMG, theres no chance of her cutting herself with those, is there?" I couldn't even be bothered to answer him - IDIOT!!!

His parting comment tonight when he saw the look on my face asI told him not to put on the childrens' coats to go to the car as it was way to warm was "I make no apology for trying to protect my children"

I don't know what I am expecting you lot to say, I just wanted to rant!!

Please remind me in the future that if I ask for advice from mumsnetters, I should then take that advice, I would have been well rid by now

OP posts:
southernbelle77 · 08/05/2008 18:55

What an annoying man!! Sorry, that's a bit rude I suppose but for goodness sake!

If things are going well with the children and the mother is happy keep reminding yourself of that.

On the days that dad is picking them up, I'd have them ready and waiting by the door when he arrives so you can literally hand them over and shut the door (ok, so maybe not quite like that,but don't give him time to come in etc etc!)

NotABanana · 08/05/2008 18:59

I would use what Hassled said

Original poster
MindingMum · 08/05/2008 18:59

that's exactly what my DH just said and I'm gonna make sure I do!

OP posts:
Original poster
MindingMum · 08/05/2008 19:01

sorry cross posts - I was talking to southernbelle

OP posts:
southernbelle77 · 08/05/2008 19:27

That's what I do MM!! Works for me! There are some parents you do not mind coming in, and then there are the others

1dilemma · 08/05/2008 23:40

He sounds like a bit of a fruitloop

PFB syndrome big time

Original poster
MindingMum · 09/05/2008 08:19

PFB

OP posts:
Original poster
MindingMum · 09/05/2008 08:19

??

OP posts: