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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

5 Au pairs in the last 6 months about to give up

28 replies

keepingcalm · 08/04/2007 16:39

Having had three and half years of huge success with our first two Au pairs, we have had turn over of 5 Au pairs in the last 6 months. Three of which were to asked to leave for serious incidents including stealing. One Au pair had a serious accident thankfully O.K. For the last AP, I decided to ditch Gumtree and Great Au pair sites and use an agency for careful vetting. The current one is missing her BF so leaving us after only 5 weeks, she booked her flights two weeks and never even bothered to tell us- I found her flight tickets by the computer. Having paid a huge agency fee, I am extremely miffed as contractually they have no obligation to me after 28 days.
I have 4 DC between ages 4-8 they have very nice accommodation, we pay well and are extremely fair minded and there is very little sole charge as I am around most of the time and work from home.
Having been extremely optimistic, I think I am finally defeated.
Why is it so difficult to find a traditional AP looking to improve their English? Do other families have this problem? Has the quality of Au pairs dwindled over the years? Or is this to be expected? Any advice please?..

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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yogimum · 08/04/2007 17:28

Sorry to ask? Why have an au-pair? Why not hire a british nanny who has chosen childcare as her profession, they may just stay in the position for longer. I'm sure you will find someone soon it must be very frustrating for you.

Original poster

keepingcalm · 08/04/2007 17:37

thanks.
I don't really need the professional level of support of a nanny as the children older but more of an 'extra pair of hands' with kids and housework for 25 hours a week

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Millarkie · 08/04/2007 17:43

Oh dear Keepingcalm, you poor thing! Could you ask your old (nice) au pairs if they know anyone who might be suitable (if you are still in touch).
We're thinking of getting an au pair to help us out, but have also considered putting an ad in the local paper for a Mother's help - or may just settle for a cleaner. So many of the 'au pairs' seem to want a full-time job and nanny pay, rather than a time in a foreign country learning the language.

yogimum · 08/04/2007 17:43

When I was I nanny I also did housework though I'm sure most wouldn't be willing to, it sound like you need a mother's help which usually is cheaper than a nanny.

HotXMum · 08/04/2007 17:51

4 children? probably too much to ask from an Au pair. Most of these girls are young and come here for fun. Could be the duties are a little heavy going.

Original poster

keepingcalm · 08/04/2007 18:34

Millarkie- you may be right about Au pairs wanting a nanny salary but not up-to the nanny standard. TBH in the past I have really enjoyed the AP experience and still keep in touch with the first two, they have helped in the selection process with applicants.
Hotxmum I know 4 children sounds a lot but AP?s never look after 4 children or have sole charge but may take 1 child to ballet or football or pick two children from school and the hours early starts are no more than 25 a week ? babysitting is rare. AP would do the same for us any other family.
I think the sound of 4 children sounds off putting I don?t think the problems are with the duties but more with quality of AP?s, one was stealing, the other bullying DS ? who is very quite and shy and other one was doing an illegal activity

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paros · 08/04/2007 18:53

bloody hell you were unlucky . Go for a mothers help . best of luck . What about that poster who was a childminder and her family had an aupair and treated her horribly . I bet she would love your job .

looneytune · 08/04/2007 19:08

Thanks me We're in Reading, Berkshire should you happen to be nearby, although I think she is trying to make it work with that family - she was giving it another week when I last spoke to her.

Good luck in sorting one out, you've had some terrible luck haven't you!

Original poster

keepingcalm · 08/04/2007 19:22

Thanks paros ? have just read some of that thread we rescued our 2nd AP from a bad situation. Loonytune ? sorry we not near by.
I would consider a mothers help for peace of mind and checkable refs and increase the salary, but would 25 hours be enough for a mothers help? I thought mothers help would be looking for F-T hours.

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paros · 08/04/2007 19:30

not really see what comes up .

Original poster

keepingcalm · 08/04/2007 19:46

I am trying to be positive but wondering if the turn over of AP?s has had an affect on the children.
I also feel drained and de-motivated to search for yet another one, without the use an agency, which was a waste of money. Also having spent 5 weeks nurturing a fragile AP with BF problems with comfort food and days out and lots of distractions she has also had sole use of my computer to talk to her BF only to find out she was about to do a bunk which would be easier for her and possibly a reflection on her immaturity.
so which is the best quick and hasslefree sites for potential AP's.......

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Pollyanna · 08/04/2007 19:51

sympathies - I am going through the same thing atm (although only 2 bad au pairs)- I am on the verge of giving up and going for a mother's help or housekeeper (not quite sure which tbh). My best au pair (well my only good one) was recommended to me and went on to be a sole charge nanny. I had to sack my last au pair as she was horrible to the children and dangerous too. My latest one is very nice, but is no help whatsoever. she finds the children too much, so I can't leave her with them, can't cook and isn't very good at cleaning. As I don't need a non-paying lodger, I am wondering what to do. I am only keeping her as the children like her, and like you I am wondering what the effect of lots of au pairs is on them. Like you I have 4 children and really need an extra pair of hands, not another child. It is a difficult situation.

does a Mother's help do cleaning as well as child care? How expensive are mother's helps? I am wondering whether that is the way to go.

boo64 · 08/04/2007 20:12

Keeping calm - whereabouts are you as I know someone fab who wants to au pair in N London....can tell you more if you are in the right area. Where are you roughly?

Original poster

keepingcalm · 08/04/2007 21:00

Boo ? I?m north thanks anyway. Pollyanna I find having 4 children puts off potential AP?s and I seem to left with applicants that appear to be desperate and say whatever it takes, combined with unrealistic expectations and AP?s mis-representing themselves. I don?t think I have the confidence to through this again. I have read some of the threads and AP problems seem to be the norm.
The effect it is having on the children is my main concern and no doubt confusing for them. I have look at alternatives and not sure if I could justify a mothers help for 30+ hours a week. I did at one point have a live out AP looking for extra hours ? but hate to say this again? she let me down at the last minute !! but Ihave not counted it as one of my disasters

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Nightynight · 08/04/2007 21:47

keepingcalm, I also have the 4 children au pair problem, and had a high turnover last year. They are all looking for families with 1 or 2 children, as they think it will be easier (In fact, it depends mostly on the support given by the family).
If you can bear to do the visa thing, then this could be a way forward, as you will then get a better choice of applicants.
I havent been employing APs long enough to know if the situation's changed over the years.

Millarkie · 09/04/2007 09:49

Keepingcalm - I've just had a thought - are you near any colleges that do childcare qualifications - do you think they might have some students looking for work experience? You might be able to get a supervised pair of helping hands that way?

yogimum · 09/04/2007 11:03

Probably best to hire seperate cleaner, I don't many young girls that are into housework!

Original poster

keepingcalm · 09/04/2007 12:48

Thanks for suggestions the college students and visa is worth looking into. Nightynight ? the problems has been with the quality of applicants, my agency said the same since a lot of countries joined the EU.
I would say that our AP do very little housework, I either do the bulk of it or I have an arrangement with a local cleaner if I?m extra busy. The duties are ? 6:45 start as I need to achieve two school runs before 9am ( AP doing one of them) children?s Ironing, clearing up child related messes, change children?s bedding, tidy toys and kitchen at the end day and breakfast . Either help with dinner ? must be able to find their way around the kitchen and follow cooking instructions or be willing to learn, alternatively ( the least popular with AP?s) is bath DT. The other things are taking one child to their activities, sometimes mop kitchen floor, clean AP?s bathroom and quick vacuum. I have very few restrictions they can integrate as much as they like. I always provide food they like and very willing to be flexible like extra days off.
IME the majority of families I know who have AP?s have 3+ children as it makes economical sense. The level of support offered by families is a good point as someone mentioned!!
Nightynight (and those AP veterans with large families ) out of interest how do you recruit your AP?S and how long does it take? Do you offer more money as an incentive or other incentives? I always try to be as realistic as possible about the expected noise levels at certain times of day. TBH the job has got a lot easier as the children get older as they have their own little jobs. I?m also astonished at the amount of 2nd time AP?s calling themselves nanny?s and asking for a nanny rate without the any qualifications/years of experience I have never had an AP?s up to such a professional standard after 18months ( including my best 2 AP?s) !!

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Nightynight · 09/04/2007 13:53

Im in recruitment agony at the moment. Trawling through AuPair World, which I find to be the best database site.
I have decided not to get a visa, which means basically my choice is limited to summer au pairs, who will leave in September. There are plenty of them at the moment, they are mostly college girls and good.
However, there will be an au pair famine in September, so I will try to get someone on a visa next time.
I do offer slightly higher pay and benefits, it depends how many hours you are asking them to work really.

fridayschild · 11/04/2007 22:09

Keepingcalm, I got a parttime mother's help when Ds2 was born to, erm, help me. Used an agency - lovely girl who had been a "nanny" but was now doing an English course and needed some money too.

I think the problem with a PT mother's help might be the hours you mention - the help would presumably need to go and get on with her life after the school run etc and then come back at tea time. Have you asked any local agencies for their views?

FairyOnTheChristmasTree · 13/04/2007 17:38

Keeping calm, where are you?

Original poster

keepingcalm · 13/04/2007 21:10

Leeds area. I am glad to say I have found a live out student doing childcare P/T and lives 5 minute walk away. She has good references,(i rang to confirm) and checks done. She has been for a trial period and very hands on and generally v.good and seems to fir in well with her. I am also combining this with a regular cleaner. Thanks everyone ?..feeling very hopeful

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Millarkie · 13/04/2007 21:16

Fantastic - hope it works out well for you.
How did you find the student?

Original poster

keepingcalm · 13/04/2007 22:29

Thanks..I put adverts in newsagent?s windows locally and near the college with specific requirements, hours and hourly rate. Although its Easter hols I had 16 phone calls in two days and wasn't expecting many responses til at least next week.

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chocolateface · 13/04/2007 22:33

I'm tinking of getting help over the summer holiday, and also possibly on Saturdays. What hourly rate is reasonable?

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