Nanny VS Nursery?

[kimann]

Hi all,

I hope i have posted in the right place. Bit of background; I have a 3 year old daughter who is to start school 40 minutes away by train. I also have a 7 month old son. When my daughter was 1, i sent her to the local nursery which was a 5 minute walk away. My husband works from home.

I had assumed that my son would go to the same nursery, however, the dilemma is such that i will be unable to do my daughters drop off/pick ups owing to work, and while my husband works from home, he travels. Owing to this, we have decided to look into hiring a live-out nanny, who we have known for 3 years as she was my daughters key carer in nursery. She does all our babysitting and is happy to work for us full time. She will do the drop off in the morning, look after my son in our home and pick my daughter up after school.

I am very worried about the social aspect of having one child who socialises very well with other children, owing to the fact she has been 'forced' to mix with other kids from nursery, and risking my son not being as sociable. I know there are plenty of groups that he can go to, but it wont be the same, will it?

Can anyone with any experience shed some light - just to put my mind at ease?

Thanks and sorry for the essay!

Of course he will be fine. Ask your nanny to take him to play groups etc. My children didn't go full time to nursery and they didn't miss out on anything. There may be all sorts of groups and nannies meet with other nannies with their children. In my opinion, it's better, not worse because he will have far more variety in his life and not be stuck in one building all the time. Children do not really socialise on their terms until they get to school anyway so if he could go part-time to a nursery before school it would help but you can only do what you can.

As a nanny, I would go to toddler groups, meet up with other nannies/childminders, go to playgrounds. Young children will play with other children in all sorts of places.

Your son will also socialise with his sister, they will play together, annoy each other.

Some nanny tips: agree a gross salary. Being an employer can be a bit of a learning curve - have a nanny payroll company help with payslips, contract and general advice. Track holiday carefully. Have a weekly budget for activities. Have your nanny log all mileage (if using their own car) and pay that well as cars are costly to run.

Thank you both for the advice.

Gosh, 40 minutes away by train!

All the child psychology and books agree that before the age of 3 children are best looked after on a one-to-one in a home setting and that they do not properly 'socialise' or need to until they are three.

I would go for a Nanny but then I'm not a fan of full time nursery. I know a lot of people don't have a choice but if you do, it's better to have a parent or a Nanny with your child. I'm sure the Nanny would encourage your child to socialise but it's nice not to be forced to be in a group all the time.
I have a friend who used nursery for her first and could afford a Nanny for the second, the difference in the children is remarkable, the second is far less stressed and both the children have benefited from the consistency of care that the Nanny provides.
Another advantage is not having to miss work if your child is off colour, unless it's really serious, the Nanny will deal with sickness etc. You may struggle if she is ill but that would probably be less often than a small child.

I think its sad we are being sold the idea children must be in large groups to be social and confident. small groups and close attachments are an ideal way of trying new things and building confidence even adults tend to prefer going into training in small groups and are happier to give opinions etc than in groups of 20 or more.
I would find out about local groups that your nanny could attend and hopefully get it started before the summer holiday. Then give her a list of whtas on and what maybe you could try together before you return to work then you can both see what its like.