Child told me his CM hit him

[Featuringbirds]

Name changed.

My CM said my son (almost 3) had been very distant and not joining in for the last two sessions (only does one day a week). He had had several wees on the floor when previously he'd gone all day with no accidents, he didn't want to join in with any activities and was very withdrawn. After the first time I asked him if they were OK and if anything at happened he said he was OK, and seemed quite happy to go back. The same happened the next week, and when I asked he said another child had hit them in the face, that the CM was in the kitchen when it happened but told the other child off.

Tonight when I was putting him to bed he said 'I'm not going to CM's tomorrow am I?' He sounded very worried so I asked him why and he said 'CM hit me' I was shocked and asked him what he said and he repeated it. I lifted him out of bed and sat on the floor with him and tried to ask him without leading him too much, I asked where she hit him and he put his hand to his face and said 'there'. I don't know what to do, I am going to see what he says in the morning.

Just to add his behaviour has changed in the last few weeks enough to worry me, he has seemed very sad and angry. I got some books about emotions and have been worrying a log about him but I thought it was because he was missing his dad. I mentioned it to nursery who have kept a diary and said he has been very engaged and happy there.

Oh gosh how worrying. This is tricky because a lot of three year olds go through the phase of 'so and so hit me'. I used to be a nanny and I had one little boy who would say to me 'teacher hit me' then would go to dad and say 'fendt hit me' and then go to mum and say 'dad hit me'. It was only when he said 'dolly hit me' that we started to realise none of it was happening.

I also had another 3yo who's plaster I had taken off after lunch, and when mum came home and asked did she finish her lunch, she said 'fendt hit me, here' and put her hands to her stomach. I can only think maybe the plaster caught a hair on her finger or something and made her tummy flinch, I don't know.

Just to bear this in mind that this kind of sentence is very common and not always correct. But of course you need to listen to your child. Could it be something else at CM that he doesn't like? Another child who isn't nice? Or is she maybe stricter than you with some things that he's finding it difficult to adjust to? What's your gut feeling?

He is telling a lot of tall tales at the moment, and when I asked this morning he said the little boy there hit him. My gut is maybe he and another boy a similar age have had a falling out and maybe the CM wasn't in the room when something happened so she didn't see.

It is so difficult though. He has not been unhappy to go, she just said he is very quiet when he is there.

DD1 is 3 and has been claiming people have hit, bit, kicked, pushed her since about your DS's age. It is very common for them to tell these lies, but you seem like you won't be able to let it drop so I would just find a new childminder. You won't be able to tell what is the truth and what isn't I'm afraid.

How is he this morning. You may find that when you mention the childminder again today you get a different response. He might be mixing up the incident that happened at the childminders with the actual childminder herself doing the hitting, or like the previous poster she may just have caught him with her hand and he's linked it with the previous hitting incident with the other child.

One day a week at a childminder isn't very much and it may be that with your partner being away its just too many care situations for him. Is there space at the nursery for him on his childminder day?

My best guess from what you said would be that the other boy is hurting him and he's not happy at the child minder because of that. I'd ask her about it and to keep a close eye on them.
Keep talking to him, in a relaxed setting and see if you can figure out what his actual problem is.

My DS is also 3, and when we were in town last week he hurt his finger and told me that the dog did it he also told me that a particular little boy in playgroup had hit him when I picked him up, however that little
Boy was actually on holiday. . That's not saying that your DS isn't telling the truth, it's probably just worth looking into a bit more.

Ds2 said I "whacked him in the face" standing in public toilets a few months ago. What actually happened was he was washing his hands and I was helping. He pushed my hands backwards and one brushed his cheek so light I barely registered the contact. If he is like you say telling tales recently I would listen to what he says because I'm wary of dismissing things but take it with a pinch of salt also unless you really get the feeling there is something to worry about.

Totally agree that he might not be entirely telling the truth, but he sounds miserable there regardless of what exactly has happened. Could he go to nursery for that day instead?

You should always take what they say seriously in case it is the truth. However ... I've been accused of hitting a child and I didn't. The important thing was to find out why the child said it, rather than accuse them of lying.

As you can see, many PPs have similar experiences.

It may be the number of settings as someone else mentioned. Could he do just nursery, or just CM, so he's more settled?

He is going to a nursery attached to an infant and primary from September. The day with the CM was just to give my mum a break as she has a medical condition which can flare up. I'm not unhappy with the CM, she is very nice and we get on well. He is happy when I drop him off and fine at pickup. But it was such a sudden change in his mood when he was there that made me worry, especially when he was still happy to be at nursery.

I have worried before about the mix of people looking after him but up until now he has been happy with the CM. He has been quiet there for the last two times, he didn't go this week as his dad had him. I will see how he gets on next week and if he isn't happy I will think about taking him out. The problem is the nursery he is in now breaks for Summer next week.

He is telling tall tales, like they all do at this age, so there's no way of telling if that particular story is true. But whether it's true or not, he is clearly very unhappy there, as evidenced by his behaviour. If I wouldn't send him again, and I'd explain to the child minder why - obviously reassure them that you don't think she actually did hit him, but you can't make him go again given he is unhappy there. Emphasise there's nothing she's necessarily done wrong, but it clearly isn't working.

1 day at a CM isn't a lot. I don't think that's enough time for him to be at a CM and settle in getting to know the CM and the other kids around him. I think hes unhappy and just wants out of that situation. I don't believe the CM would have hit him.

Hes been there over a year now and was settled. This has just happened in the last couple of weeks. I know it's not a lot, and his childcare arrangements have been all over the place but the day with a CM was what I could afford, and was so my mum had that day off.

I am a CM and a child attending one day a week usually takes longer to settle in but once they do they are fine. It sounds to me that something is upsetting him but I would bare in mind that fibbing is very common at this age. My DS once told me his Grandmother hit him with a belt! I know my mother and she never hit me as a child and she adored my son.