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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Help - Calling all nannies/nanny employers

34 replies

Borninthe60s · 16/11/2015 22:33

I'm a nanny. Started new job six weeks ago.

Today my best friends dad died. I've known her 28 years, we are like sisters. I rang mum from her house and asked could I take baby (under one year) to my friends house and explained circumstances. She agreed but I got the impression she wasn't too happy. (My friend lives in town 20 miles away where mums older 2 children go to school).

Spent a couple of hours with my friend and collected older children from school and took them back home.

When mum came home from work I thanked her and explained funeral likely to be early next week and I'd like to attend. I proposed that I attend and take baby along with my mum so that during the service my mum can take baby a walk in pram. (Max 30 mins). This will cause minimum disruption presuming funeral is during school hours. If it's after school I'll not attend.

Can I have people's honest opinions from both sides of the fence about this please?

OP posts:

Pico2 · 16/11/2015 22:38

Has she said it isn't ok for you to go?

Tottyandmarchpane1 · 16/11/2015 22:38

I'm a nanny employer and this would be totally fine with me although tbh I'd probably just give you the morning off (I do have a flexible job though!!).

elelfrance · 16/11/2015 22:44

Nanny employer here too, and if i could, i'd tell you to take the morning off also... if i hadn't any other childcare options then i'd have no issue with you taking baby along

Original poster

Borninthe60s · 16/11/2015 22:54

Pico - no she hasn't said I can't go but did say she hoped it was Wednesday (when I nanny for another family).

Would you expect to pay full hourly rate (ie: if baby with my mum for 30 mins). I was wondering if I should offer a discount for this afternoon but baby was still in my care.

OP posts:

Pico2 · 17/11/2015 00:20

That's pretty insensitive. If you care enough about someone to go to their funeral then her hoping the funeral doesn't 'hit one of her days' doesn't need to be said, even if she thinks it.

Blondeshavemorefun · 17/11/2015 08:42

Sadly compassionate leave is only immediate family so your friends dad wouldn't come under that

But you are not asking for day off - you have offered a fine solution in my eyes. You get to go to funeral and support (tho may need more than 30mins) and baby gets looked after and parents not disrupted

I would personally try and take day off - when my mum died last year the support of my DF and best friends was much needed - tho understand it may not be possible - sounds like mb isn't that flexible /compassionate

And no I wouldn't offer lower hourly rate if your mum has baby

Original poster

Borninthe60s · 17/11/2015 15:15

Thanks for the replies. I felt she showed a lack of compassion/understanding too.

OP posts:

wickedwaterwitch · 17/11/2015 15:25

I'd have said thank you to you for still being able to cover my childcare

You could easily have said "I need the day off"

so YANBU (I've employed nannies)

whois · 17/11/2015 15:33

I would have expected you to ask for the day off!

Mum sounds like a bitch if she said she hops it not on her day. Some things you just don't say.

TheClacksAreDown · 17/11/2015 15:42

I think the compications here is that you've not been in role very long and this isn't a direct family member we're talking about, even if you were close.

As a nanny employer I can't say as I'd be thrilled with the idea of the baby going off with your mother who presumably she hasn't met. And by that I mean no offence to your mother but to your boss she is a stranger.

Would there not be some form of wake or something afterwards? If so would you want to be attending that too? Would it be easier and cleaner to see whether you can arrange a full or half day of annual leave to cover this?

Clearly it is more convenient from her perspective if it doesn't fall on one of your working days with them but I think she was insensitive to say so.

I wouldn't be looking to deduct pay if you go ahead with this but to be honest I would expect a small degree of goodwill in the bank from the nanny, particularly as you'd already spent work time comforting your friend.

PandasRock · 17/11/2015 21:03

I am a nanny employer.

I would not be happy with my child being handed over to a complete stranger for any period of time.

I have 3 dc, and they are all older than your charge. All of them would have been upset and confused to be handed over to a stranger when under a year old. My youngest (3) would still struggle, and the older two would probably prefer for it not to happen.

As an employer, I would have happily given you time off to attend the funeral, although if it looked like turning into a longer time (ie for attending wake) I would expect leave to be taken/hours worked in lieu, just as I would have to from my job, or dh from his. I would, however, do as much as I possibly could to accommodate the leave request, and would not dream of mentioning how difficult/awkward it was for me to do so. I agree your boss was highly insensitive to mention funeral timings in that way.

Heebiejeebie · 17/11/2015 23:00

I would be grateful that you were coming up with a solution rather than taking a day off at short notice. She sounds rather selfish and unkind in this instance.

Duckdeamon · 17/11/2015 23:05

Her comment was insensitive. If she was unhappy with your suggestion of the baby going to a funeral and being looked after by your Mum she should have suggested you take a day's annual leave for the funeral.

I would, however, have been pissed off if you took my baby DC 20 miles away to see a friend, even in such sad circumstances, but it sounds from your OP that this is a frequent journey for the family which makes it more OK.

PowerPantsRule · 18/11/2015 00:07

I am a nanny employed and would simply be very grateful for you NOT taking the day off for the funeral.

Like duckdeamon, however, I would not be happy with you taking the baby to see your friend. I think that should have waited until you had finished work. Think about it - if you were in an office or working as a doctor, say, you could not just down tools and go off and comfort your friend. I understand your motivation though. And I am sorry for your loss.

Callaird · 18/11/2015 08:48

Powerpants - the OP called her employer and asked if was ok to take the baby over to her friends, her employer agreed it was ok, OP said she sounded unhappy about it but she didn't say no, she could have said I'll come straight home so you can go to see her but she wouldn't have wanted to do that. It was a compromise.

My mum had a stroke last Monday, I had a tummy bug so I couldn't go and visit her until Wednesday, by Wednesday it was all over, she was almost back to normal and back home but I wanted to see her so my boss said it was fine for me to take my charge to see her for the day (2 hour drive) My boss said that she'd sort something, no family available to help so it would be a temp nanny which would have meant some upset to my two year old charge so I took him with me (where he had a wonderful time with my dad, brother and the dogs.)

Original poster

Borninthe60s · 18/11/2015 09:16

Again thanks for the replies.

I asked permission to visit my friend. I've known her 28 years and she's like a sister to me but I get that perhaps I should have waited until after work. However, I was going to that town to collect the older two children from school. I was probably in shock as her dad took ill weds and died Monday morning.

Children and parents have met my mum. So mum not a stranger. Baby will happily go to anybody so not an issue.

In these circumstances I'd be happy to take an entire day off unpaid but that will inconvenience mum. I intend to go to the church, not the crem or wake. If I was taking leave I'd spend the entire day with my friend. If I do this baby will be with my mum for max 30 mins.

To be honest I'm tempted to ask for the day off now!

OP posts:

TheClacksAreDown · 18/11/2015 10:22

You can ask for the day off certainly but bear in mind that as with all jobs your employers are free to say that you can't take that day. You're offering an alternative to seek to minimise disruption but they are free to say they're not happy with that too.

As a nanny employer I would certainly seek to look to find a way for you to attend (and in the past I've brought in a temp nanny to enable my nanny to go away to a funeral which I wasn't thrilled about as a concept but DH and I both needed to go to work those days) but you have no right to insist you attend the funeral so I would just approach it in a friendly way and look for their understanding. If they perceive it as making demands it will probably get their backs up given all the circumstances.

TheClacksAreDown · 18/11/2015 10:24

(to be clear - the not being thrilled was about having to leave a toddler with an agency temp nanny we hadn't met before, but it was the least worst alternative in our case)

Original poster

Borninthe60s · 18/11/2015 12:26

Thanks theclacks. I'm going to contact her once I know funeral details and I'll ask if she'd rather me take day off or if she's happy with mum helping.

OP posts:

MrsNuckyT · 19/11/2015 09:29

I would give my nanny the day off to attend the funeral and pay her for the day. I'd make other arrangements for my children or take a day's holiday myself.

Original poster

Borninthe60s · 20/11/2015 08:16

MrsNuckyt please let me know if you ever need a new nanny!

Update, I asked if it was possible to take half or full day off and work an alternative day. Mum has given me day off and I'm working another day next week. Everyone's happy.

Next dilemma - she's booked s holiday so I won't be working two days when she's away, agree,net was she'd pay half fees, she's now suggesting banking the two days to be used in 3/4 months time! I've said half fees payable.

OP posts:

Blondeshavemorefun · 20/11/2015 09:50

why half fees, if the family go away you still get paid

glad you can swap a day for the funeral

Blondeshavemorefun · 20/11/2015 09:52

fee? sounds like you are se, which if you are illegal in this job as perm set days and hours

unless you said fee but didnt mean it like that?

what dfoes contract say about holidays? very unfair if they dont pay you whenver they take time off

i couldnt afford to do that

Original poster

Borninthe60s · 20/11/2015 15:38

I am self employed as I work for several families (I have an accountant who deals with it all). I don't charge for my hols but do for theirs. Why is it illegal?

OP posts:

Threeboysandus · 20/11/2015 15:46

Glad it's sorted. I would give cm day off and full pay. These things happen. If dc was a baby and wouldn't notice being with someone they didn't really know, I'd have no problem but with my older dc, they would be uncomfortable beig with your mum. Anyway that's sorted. Holiday wise, I pay my cm full pay when we are away, why should you lose out because they are going away. Did you mention half pay to boss?

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